Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think being asked for money at work like this is not ok?

612 replies

xmasmoney · 19/12/2023 08:48

I don’t know if I’m feeling sensitive about money and actually this is totally reasonable…

We have one dc in full time nursery costing 1500 a month. I work for a professional services company and we have a lot of support staff. We are seen to be paid huge money. However I am only on 63k and we are struggling so much at the moment, some people more senior are on well over this with grown up dc. A month ago a Teams message was started by someone senior saying does anyone want to pitch in for a gift for the secretaries. I found this very inappropriate on teams as it was difficult to say no in a group chat.

I know the answer in practice is just don’t give anything if you can’t afford it but I’ve since been chased on a separate teams message asking if I am contributing and when I ignored that I got an email.

I feel this puts so much pressure on people and think it is massively inappropriate thing to do at work? Am I being a dick?

OP posts:
ArchetypalBusyMum · 19/12/2023 09:11

Chasing for voluntary contribution isn't ok.
Reminding people in a 'just so you know, this is how you contribute' is fine. But demanding an answer is not fine.
Tempting though it would be too educate them in discreet collection of voluntary contributions... Probably simplest to answer and shut down the chasing.
'Sorry not this year', would be the simplest. Or if it's anonymous chuck in a fiver to draw a line under it.

Megifer · 19/12/2023 09:12

KimberleyClark · 19/12/2023 08:53

I almost stopped reading when you said you were only on £63k. The secretaries won’t be on much more than a third of your wage. I doubt the gifts will be expensive, maybe even chocolates for them to share. YABU.

Same 🤣🤣 £63k and can't bung in a fiver 🙄

Lochness1975 · 19/12/2023 09:12

Jeez I’d dream of a 63k income plus a partners. I’m on half your wage, supporting a child at uni, a single parent and still managed to chip in a fiver for our admin staff.

Viviennemary · 19/12/2023 09:12

You are on an above average salary. How much money were you asked to contribute?

Iouis · 19/12/2023 09:12

"Only £63k", awwww.

SutWytTi · 19/12/2023 09:13

Think this thread shows how little people understand the financial reality our country is in.

Unfortnately a lot of people are very stretched now despite earning what are on paper decent salaries.

Mortgage/rent, nursery, commuting and basics wipe out so much money for some people.

Davros · 19/12/2023 09:13

Ignoring something won't make it go away. Just respond. I don't know why people don't get that it's easier to deal with something than leave it. Childish

MarkWithaC · 19/12/2023 09:14

Here we go, the usual sneering at people for what they earn.

It doesn't matter what anyone's salary is; while it's fine to send a group message suggesting a collection/contribution, it's inappropriate to harass individuals like this and I'd be saying so.

pretzelbreath · 19/12/2023 09:14

Well I'm 'only' on 23k as an nhs secretary, also have a child in nursery upwards of £1k a month (I don't get a discount for being 'poorer') credit card debt etc and even I can manage to chuck £2 into a collection for the cleaners and porters every Christmas. In fact my household income is less than your full time wage and my own take home is barely more than your nursery fees.

If you don't want to give just say no. But stop pretending you're hard done by on such a good wage just because you don't live within your means.

Grimchmas · 19/12/2023 09:14

I am on 11k (part time) and got chased repeatedly to contribute to a second baby gift for somebody who had left the company 2 years ago. That's unreasonable. Just FYI.

I eventually wrote back saying that I wouldn't be contributing

pinkyredrose · 19/12/2023 09:15

Only 63k indeed.

JezzJazz333 · 19/12/2023 09:16

If I was you receiving such a high income and feeling that I couldn't afford to contribute towards a nice gesture, I would immediately seek financial advice from an accountant!!

Grimchmas · 19/12/2023 09:17

MarkWithaC · 19/12/2023 09:14

Here we go, the usual sneering at people for what they earn.

It doesn't matter what anyone's salary is; while it's fine to send a group message suggesting a collection/contribution, it's inappropriate to harass individuals like this and I'd be saying so.

Yeah nah not when the OP is making a point of talking about how "only" £63k is the justification for not chucking in a fiver.

And on a salary like that you'd expect somebody to be capable of replying that they wouldn't be contributing this year, rather than letting somebody else waste their time chasing them.

Viviennemary · 19/12/2023 09:17

Just say no sorry I won't be contributing. But you need to reply.

Ohtobetwentytwo · 19/12/2023 09:18

I cant be the only one interested in where to get a job for £63k where you never have to say no to people!

Sirian · 19/12/2023 09:19

YABU to ignore the message and not reply. You’ve created this situation yourself by failing to respond to the question that was politely asked. If you don’t want to contribute then say so.

Fieldofbrokenpromises · 19/12/2023 09:19

YANBU it is massively inappropriate - great to have the option if people wish to, absolutely shite to make it public and keep badgering you.

autumn1610 · 19/12/2023 09:19

Yeah you’re getting a battering for only on £63k and not surprised, give yourself a reality check that’s a very privileged position to be in salary wise

im “only” on £39k and have managed to pay for small gifts for the cleaners and security for the office I manage about £5each. If you can’t afford it say so to the team, but yeah check yourself

pinkyredrose · 19/12/2023 09:19

xmasmoney · 19/12/2023 09:01

@easylikeasundaymorn yes but these people have partners too? And lots earning far more than my DP.

How do you know that?

shearwater2 · 19/12/2023 09:20

I've never chipped in to buy any admin staff a present for Christmas, was never a thing where I worked, but bought little token things for people who worked for me.

MarkWithaC · 19/12/2023 09:20

Grimchmas · 19/12/2023 09:17

Yeah nah not when the OP is making a point of talking about how "only" £63k is the justification for not chucking in a fiver.

And on a salary like that you'd expect somebody to be capable of replying that they wouldn't be contributing this year, rather than letting somebody else waste their time chasing them.

Show quote history

I'll say it again: what people earn is NOT the point. It is just not OK to repeatedly ask people about contributing. It's even less OK to single people out with follow-up emails.
The OP is perfectly 'capable' of replying; the point is she doesn't think she should, and I completely agree.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 19/12/2023 09:20

SutWytTi · 19/12/2023 09:13

Think this thread shows how little people understand the financial reality our country is in.

Unfortnately a lot of people are very stretched now despite earning what are on paper decent salaries.

Mortgage/rent, nursery, commuting and basics wipe out so much money for some people.

We understand it. We just think that the people on £63k with a second income on top are not really the ones who are struggling right now.

Yes of course, some people with very good incomes will still manage to overstretch themselves by spending more than they can afford, but many families manage on far, far less than the OP's. It's all about choices, ultimately.

Goinggreymammy · 19/12/2023 09:20

I think you ABVVVU. I am doing a collection for the cleaner in our workplace this week. Most people think that's better than them all giving chocolates/wine etc individually. I don't care who contributes or who doesn't. I've sent out reminders so that people won't come back to me on Wed complaining that they would have liked to contribute but forgot/missed the text etc. And we are all on far far less than 63K.

takemehomecountryroads · 19/12/2023 09:21

YABVU. Presumably you’re earning that much because you’re making big decisions at work and are in a senior position - but here you are on MN asking for advice on something absolutely minor. Just ignore the missives about a gift and have a roll around in your cash.

PuffPastryFluff · 19/12/2023 09:21

The amount of money OP has or has not is irrelevant. They are asking about the chasing.

As someone who has raised a lot of money in the past by asking, asking again and then asking some more I'd suggest that all they need to do is say 'no thank you' this year. A lot of times when you are chasing for money people mean to donate they just forget/ don't get round to it. Hence the chasing. You just need to shut this down OP.

Swipe left for the next trending thread