To think being asked for money at work like this is not ok?

[xmasmoney]

I don’t know if I’m feeling sensitive about money and actually this is totally reasonable…

We have one dc in full time nursery costing 1500 a month. I work for a professional services company and we have a lot of support staff. We are seen to be paid huge money. However I am only on 63k and we are struggling so much at the moment, some people more senior are on well over this with grown up dc. A month ago a Teams message was started by someone senior saying does anyone want to pitch in for a gift for the secretaries. I found this very inappropriate on teams as it was difficult to say no in a group chat.

I know the answer in practice is just don’t give anything if you can’t afford it but I’ve since been chased on a separate teams message asking if I am contributing and when I ignored that I got an email.

I feel this puts so much pressure on people and think it is massively inappropriate thing to do at work? Am I being a dick?

Your household bills are tiny for a start.

They really are not.

Home £1200
Council tax £240
Gas and electric £150
Water £24
TV license £13
TV/broadband £43
Mobile £18
Car insurance and tax £80
Home insurance £16

This is all standard figures. My petrol spending is astronomically high.

Yeah exactly! I live in the south, my rent is high 😂🤷‍♀️

Oh come on!! As if people are envious of someone who is a decent earner but has debt, money worries and not a fiver to spare. 🙄 I am not a low earner, for which I recognise I am very fortunate , but I earn less than that and I have a better quality of life. People are ripping into the OP because of her woe is me attitude.

Nobody said she has to give anyone a single penny but whining about being asked is really grim.

@Partypop everyone is doing the sums - the fact still stands that all of those bills are the same for ALL earner's - be that on 30k or 65k.

She may be eligible for UC though if she rents and has childcare costs. We don't know how much her DP earns, or if they have a mortgage.

@QforCucumber but they might not be, that’s the point. In my own circle, for example, very few people put DC in nursery full time when they are on lower salaries, they use grandparents until the free hours kick in, or give up work, or get other help via child benefit or UC, or free hours from government. A poster upthread is on £12k but gets child’s school fees all paid for.

that's a very valid point @Partypop - I am using personal experience of earning £30k, Dh earning £35k and the last 3 years of FT nursery fees of £280 a week (after tax free childcare, No UC or other free hours entitlement until school started in September) it has been worth it though as now we are out of the other side, I am about to see a payrise I'd not have got if I'd left work and DH has just been offered promotion, it has been a rough old 3 years though - and yet have still given £5 for the apprentices Xmas present!

@QforCucumber i can relate to having a pay rise once the 30 hours kick in - 1 year to go for me! Maybe a better way of explaining it would be, just because someone has a higher salary, doesn’t mean they have more disposable income..

She’s said elsewhere that she’s the higher earner and has provided the context that only related to the others in her team who all earn more.

It doesn't really matter what financial commitments you have.

It's simply not cool to describe a salary of £63k as "only" being that amount when you know it's well above the national average.

I am probably out of kilter here, but I do get it. I am on a similar salary and at one point was paying £1800 per month for nursery costs. Our mortgage was very manageable at the time though, whereas now the mortgage has gone up and childcare costs are around £400 per month (better off overall though). At points we were spending more than we were earning.

However, the high costs of nursery won't last forever, but you will likely work is this place longer and should think of paying a small amount of money because the gesture is more important than the amount.

If you live in or near London the amount OP is on is not going to stretch it after tax, pension, mortgage, childcare, commuting, bills etc. I think it's likely things could be cut back though to make up for the lack of funds. Certainly not rolling in it.

If things are tight for you, imagine what it must be like to have to manage on less than half what you earn. Now imagine what it is like sitting in an office doing an essential but thankless job, and finding out that someone who earns more than twice what you do is refusing to put their hand in their pocket and give a few quid into a present fund for the team on the lowest wages.