To think being asked for money at work like this is not ok?

[xmasmoney]

I don’t know if I’m feeling sensitive about money and actually this is totally reasonable…

We have one dc in full time nursery costing 1500 a month. I work for a professional services company and we have a lot of support staff. We are seen to be paid huge money. However I am only on 63k and we are struggling so much at the moment, some people more senior are on well over this with grown up dc. A month ago a Teams message was started by someone senior saying does anyone want to pitch in for a gift for the secretaries. I found this very inappropriate on teams as it was difficult to say no in a group chat.

I know the answer in practice is just don’t give anything if you can’t afford it but I’ve since been chased on a separate teams message asking if I am contributing and when I ignored that I got an email.

I feel this puts so much pressure on people and think it is massively inappropriate thing to do at work? Am I being a dick?

‘Only on £63k’. That is a massive salary!! More than most people’s total income! And you say ‘we’ so I assume there are two wages coming in.
The secretaries will be on a third of your very large wage and it’s normal to get admin staff a gift.
If you don’t want to contribute then say no. They are chasing you because they will be wanting to buy the gift as it’s nearly Christmas and will be assuming that you are contributing as you haven’t told them you aren’t. Some poor colleague has the annoying task of collecting all the money and organising the gifts and you are making their job harder by not just being straight and telling them you aren’t contributing.
You are being massively unreasonable here!

I’ve just read through your posts and see you think you are poor on £63k due to nursery bills. I - and most other mumsnetters earn way less than that AND pay childcare costs for multiple children, and my mortgage, bills etc.
I think the big issue here is why you only have £58 left in your bank. You need to stop blaming nursery, have a sit down and work out your finances. You need to make some big cutbacks as you seem to be living outside your means if you have large credit card bills.

YANBU.

I get really annoyed by people bashing someone who is feeling the pinch on a higher salary than average.

I earn a similar amount. I pay £2.5k in childcare each month. I'm a single parent so one income and no family to help with childcare. I would guess my disposable income is much lower than people on much lower salaries with a partner / family to help with childcare.

I think your mistake was not replying to your initial email. I'd give £5 if that is all you can afford but then be more organised next year and put whatever you think is a reasonable contribution away. My dh earns similar and they do a whip around for their manager who is on £20k more than he is. They tend to give her £20 each. She gives them each £10 in vouchers usually and has a team of 12. It seems to be the done thing for those who work in offices.

I don't think yabu.

Just say you won't be able to contribute this year, no need to give a reason.

Admin traditionally get gifts not just because of the pay difference, but to acknowledge that they often pick up a lot of little jobs that no-one else wants to do or notices, and are not really in their remit. And that any extra hours are just that, extra hours for nothing, they are not leading to a promotion. All these posts about the hypothetical difference in disposable income between OP and the secretaries are beside the point. The gift is about appreciation.

I'm an exec assistant, I get paid more than some of the managers. I get a token gift from my manager these days (used to get more past companies when I was junior). It's just an acknowledgement that I look out for him and go outside the boundaries of the role sometimes.

Big assumption. I was earning £48000 as a secretary. Ten years ago. Single person. I had a super time.

I think there are some patronising assumptions on here about how much secretaries can earn. In some industries then can do extremely well. I know how much our secretaries at work earn. It’s decent money. Certainly not a third of what OP earns.

I am a secretary in Australia and get a tiny bit more than your salary. I think both you and I can afford $5-10 for a gift for staff. Why are you so upset about chipping in? It’s once a year and the cost of a couple of cups of coffee.

Wow, only £63k!! I’m a single parent on around £16k. Work top up benefits around £20k but I still manage to pop some cash into a collection. The reason I went part time by the way was because it would cost e for nursery as it is coring you, so it wasn’t worth my while working full time. Kids at school and still has years of wrap around. I guess I’m icky living in the north where my mortgage on a 3 bed house in way less than in most areas and way less than rent in my area.

If you can’t afford it then tell the person gassing you they. Otherwise put some money in. Even your secretaries are earning more than me!!

I'm on £12k a year ( and get uc) and a teenaged dd at private school. Partner does not work but I'd find £10 if necessary - and atm am helping to provide nutritional supplements for my seriously ill brother while he's waiting for his nutritionist to get their act together! I also have some credit card debt but I'm working on that. Perhaps you need some financial management help? Also I may be wrong but I think there is some government help with nursery fees. My gs goes to one.

@Manthide how are you affording private school on £12k per year?? We earn about £90k between us and would no way be able to afford private school for our two…without seriously compromising on other stuff anyway…I would love to send them as well.

As if you’re child is attending private school paid for by you on £12 k a year 😂😂😂

I feel like this thread is becoming a race to the bottom of ‘I’m on 63k and can’t afford to eat vs I’m on minimum wage but still afford to privately educate my kids, drive a sports car, and eat cavier so what are you moaning about’ (lighthearted comment 🙈)

Obviously she has a full bursary!

What you do isn’t what everyone does is it? Not everyone is lucky enough to have a choice. Lots of people give up if their childcare cost is equal or more than their income.

I was responding to a specific situation where total income was less than childcare costs- people in that situation don’t have the luxury of choice.

Why would anyone be “green eyed”? Would you be jealous of someone with debts and worries about money?!
Someone who cannot spare a fiver isn’t someone I’d be be jealous of, it’s not a nice position to be in, is it?
Now if she said she got free childcare, a free cleaner and a free daily make up artist and hairdresser, free chef and free chauffeur then heck yeah, I would be envious as hell.

People have very expensive children on mumsnet. Someone earlier sited having to buy new clothes for her child every week so she didn’t have to wash them as being being a normal expense.

Then using it to virtue signal was a cheap shot.

I didn’t say it was. You’re assuming things not me. I’m taking the op at face value. She cannot afford it. Which should be the end of the conversation.

My thoughts exactly- either having a salary of £63 is something good that people are jealous of, or it’s just as stressful and difficult as being on a low salary. You can’t have it both ways.

Why would anyone be jealous of someone who is stressed about money, can’t afford £5 for a whip round at work and has credit card debt?!

I'm curious to know more about the high outgoings and credit card debt. It's all well and good saying "yeah I earn loads but I have to pay out loads" when the paying out is for luxuries.

Find a cheaper nursery or childminder maybe? Also it's for a couple of years only because the 30h free childcare kicks in at age 3 and then its off to school at 4. It seems like a budgeting issue.

You earn double the national average wage. Go outside and shake some of that entitlement off yourself. If you don't want to contribute to those staff members that are paid half what you are paid but are also paying 1500 a month for childcare then just own it.

Where are my “we earn the average wage and live in an average house and can’t go on holiday every year but do enjoy takeaways and day trips out” people at?!! 😁😂

Only on 63k!!!! And you can't afford to contribute to a gift for your admin. Hmm.