Page 20 | To think being asked for money at work like this is not ok?

xmasmoney · 2023-12-19T08:48:51+00:00

I don’t know if I’m feeling sensitive about money and actually this is totally reasonable… We have one dc in full time nursery costing 1500 a month. I work for a professional services company and we have a lot of support staff. We are seen to be paid huge money. However I am only on 63k and we are struggling so much at the moment, some people more senior are on well over this with grown up dc. A month ago a Teams message was started by someone senior saying does anyone want to pitch in for a gift for the secretaries. I found this very inappropriate on teams as it was difficult to say no in a group chat. I know the answer in practice is just don’t give anything if you can’t afford it but I’ve since been chased on a separate teams message asking if I am contributing and when I ignored that I got an email. I feel this puts so much pressure on people and think it is massively inappropriate thing to do at work? Am I being a dick?

cezannesapple · 19/12/2023 18:18

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 19/12/2023 18:15

It depends on what the role is - not all lower paid jobs, obviously. I'm talking about admin roles.

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Admin roles aren’t low stress.

AGoingConcern · 19/12/2023 18:18

Serene135 · 19/12/2023 18:04

I think the point here is that they shouldn’t be harassing a colleague to give money and calling it a voluntary contribution. If someone hasn’t responded to the initial message then isn’t it obvious that they don’t want to contribute?! The person being asked might not have a lot of money or they might not like the person(s) that the collection is for. I really do get annoyed at this expectation at Christmas that you have to contribute to gifts/vouchers for others who are not family or friends. There’s a collection for this person and a collection for that person. They should not have sent message after message asking her to contribute.

I can't imagine you have experience with any similar group organization tasks if you think that people not responding to the initial group message/email means they're just not interested.

The organizer can't tell the difference between one of the many people who just keep putting off actually sending the money they wanted to contribute (same with sending the RSVP for a party or whatever) and people who genuinely don't want to participate. OP needs to put on her big-kid pants and just answer the organizer's question.

Tink2007 · 19/12/2023 18:18

Stopped reading after “only £63k” as my heart started bleeding heavily for you and I needed to mop it up.

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 19/12/2023 18:20

cezannesapple · 19/12/2023 18:18

Admin roles aren’t low stress.

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Sorry, I didn't realise you'd been to every single company and organisation in the UK and done a stint of every single admin role on offer, in order to score it on your personal stress-ometer!😃

Floopani · 19/12/2023 18:21

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 18:16

We don't know what the OP has spent her income on.

I explained earlier on in the thread how paying her nursery fees and a very modest mortgage of £220k at today's interest rates would leave her with £750 a month left for all her other bills including food, utilities and transport. Things such as having a phone are also not really optional luxuries in 2023. It's not actually that hard to see how she could have £58 in her bank account at the end of the month, and £58 is £58. It means you're skint, in the same way that someone on a lower salary who has £58 to their name is skint.

But feel free to go on assuming she must be going on lavish holidays or whatever if it makes you feel morally justified in putting the boot in.

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She also has a partner earning at least minimum wage. This adds to the £750 left a month by about £1300 at least.

Partypop · 19/12/2023 18:23

Also, I don’t know the OP circumstances but take home pay on £63k is about £3,400 - £1,500 nursery fees, and if mortgage was around £1,500 - not unbelievable if in London, lots of peoples are more than that, plus monthly credit cards (OP mentions they have debt) could easily wipe all that out before food and bills, so I’m going to stick my neck out and say in some circumstances £63k might not go that far.

NerrSnerr · 19/12/2023 18:25

Partypop · 19/12/2023 18:23

Also, I don’t know the OP circumstances but take home pay on £63k is about £3,400 - £1,500 nursery fees, and if mortgage was around £1,500 - not unbelievable if in London, lots of peoples are more than that, plus monthly credit cards (OP mentions they have debt) could easily wipe all that out before food and bills, so I’m going to stick my neck out and say in some circumstances £63k might not go that far.

There's another income to add to that too.

OdeToBarney · 19/12/2023 18:26

Foodylicious · 19/12/2023 17:55

I think you post would have gone down better had you said " ugh, colleagues putting on pressure to contribute to admin gift, I only have £58 in my bank until pay day, what to I do/say?"

If you think the amount you earn, doesn't equate to you having enough to easily contribute, then why mention it?

Also, if you can't afford to pay £65 (ish) a day in nursery fees, then can you consider a childminder?
You can probably find one for around £35-45 a day.

A childminder for £35 a day? 🤣 the CM around here charge the same as nursery (£80 a day IF the child is full time, more if they are part time). Because there's a childcare shortage, and they can.

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 18:26

Floopani · 19/12/2023 18:21

She also has a partner earning at least minimum wage. This adds to the £750 left a month by about £1300 at least.

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The £750 a month is what is left if her mortgage is £1250. It's highly likely to be more than that.

You see what a useless exercise it is speculating about whether someone could manage their money better or not when you don't have any of the relevant facts?

Weareallmadhere2 · 19/12/2023 18:31

As an admin Senior in the nhs I come out with a shitty 1550 a month. Completely single parent of 3. Still used to put in a fiver for our cleaner.

Check yourself with the 'only'
However, I agree, the more we earn, the more we spend, higher rent/mortgage etc. It's all personal isn't it. And it's not ok to hound anyone for contributions. My juniors mother just passed away unexpectedly. I organised a collection from myself and people who earn less than I, and collected £105 from 10 people out of about 18. I also added on the email there is no pressure to put in and it was still signed from everyone. I would never chase anyone up. Very wrong.

I would also offer up looking at your finances. Times are hard for everyone unfortunately but I wouldn't want anyone to have their family close to breaking, no matter what their earnings...Best of luck to you going forward

Floopani · 19/12/2023 18:31

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 18:26

The £750 a month is what is left if her mortgage is £1250. It's highly likely to be more than that.

You see what a useless exercise it is speculating about whether someone could manage their money better or not when you don't have any of the relevant facts?

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Sorry you're right, I forgot the bit where OP was forced into a mortgage costing more than she could afford.

Let's say that the mortgage is £2k. That's still at least £1.3k disposable left a month. I'm still not seeing why she can't spare a fiver.

Mummyofbananas · 19/12/2023 18:34

You earn more than a month after you take off nursery fees- and that's assuming you pay them yourself and they're not split- however I don't know what your mortgage is or other bills.
I understand it's tricky- I'm just getting out of a bit of a hole debt wise and about a week after payday I don't have any money left really other than food and that's basic at the moment so being asked to contribute to things in work can feel annoying, however I do normally put a small amount in as I'd hope people would for me.

AnneValentine · 19/12/2023 18:35

LegoDeathTrap · 19/12/2023 18:09

“However I am only on 63k” 🤮🤮🤮🤮

No idea.

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 18:35

Floopani · 19/12/2023 18:31

Sorry you're right, I forgot the bit where OP was forced into a mortgage costing more than she could afford.

Let's say that the mortgage is £2k. That's still at least £1.3k disposable left a month. I'm still not seeing why she can't spare a fiver.

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Uh, because renting isn't free either? And because she needs to keep a roof over her child's head?

I'm not sure what world you live in where it's possible to just magically reduce your housing costs when things get a bit tight but it's not the one I, the OP or most other people live in.

We don't know how much her partner earns so I have no idea where you're getting this imaginary £1300 from.

Why can't you just accept that if she has £58 in her bank account then it's not a question of being mean, it's a question of being totally skint.

AnneValentine · 19/12/2023 18:36

Mummyofbananas · 19/12/2023 18:34

You earn more than a month after you take off nursery fees- and that's assuming you pay them yourself and they're not split- however I don't know what your mortgage is or other bills.
I understand it's tricky- I'm just getting out of a bit of a hole debt wise and about a week after payday I don't have any money left really other than food and that's basic at the moment so being asked to contribute to things in work can feel annoying, however I do normally put a small amount in as I'd hope people would for me.

What you earn is irrelevant.

ichundich · 19/12/2023 18:37

You lost me with "I'm only on 63k."

AnneValentine · 19/12/2023 18:38

Floopani · 19/12/2023 18:31

Sorry you're right, I forgot the bit where OP was forced into a mortgage costing more than she could afford.

Let's say that the mortgage is £2k. That's still at least £1.3k disposable left a month. I'm still not seeing why she can't spare a fiver.

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No it’s not.

What about all the other bills? Commuting costs? Pension? Utilities?

AnneValentine · 19/12/2023 18:39

ichundich · 19/12/2023 18:37

You lost me with "I'm only on 63k."

The people piling on because have no idea where salary goes is so predictable.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 19/12/2023 18:40

Oof never say “only 63K” as that comes across as a massive dick move. And I say that as someone on similar who had big outgoings, and understand how it’s all relative. But honestly 63K is a really, really good salary.

AnneValentine · 19/12/2023 18:41

AvonCallingBarksdale · 19/12/2023 18:40

Oof never say “only 63K” as that comes across as a massive dick move. And I say that as someone on similar who had big outgoings, and understand how it’s all relative. But honestly 63K is a really, really good salary.

Not necessarily.

Howbizarre22 · 19/12/2023 18:45

You lost me at “I’m only on 63k”
Wow.

Serene135 · 19/12/2023 18:46

I have got experience with organising collections (never for Christmas because I find it irritating) e.g. when someone has left and I have never bombarded anyone with message after message enquiring as to where their “voluntary” contribution was. If someone was interested in contributing then they would respond soon after the original message implying that they wanted to contribute. Then and only then would it be somewhat acceptable to send them another message if they hadn’t yet sent the money. People should not be singled out and put under pressure to contribute to gifts for work colleagues. You never know how much a person is struggling financially. That £5 or £10 that they are expected to give might be part of their budgeted food money for the week. It is not acceptable.

dishyrishi · 19/12/2023 18:49

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 19/12/2023 18:04

Many of the lower-paid staff where I work have spouses in higher paid jobs; they are in the low-paid, low-stress job because it allows them to fulfil family commitments but their household income is far more than, say, a single-income middle manager.

My job isn't low stress, it's high stress and well paid

Boomboom22 · 19/12/2023 18:50

AnneValentine · 19/12/2023 18:38

No it’s not.

What about all the other bills? Commuting costs? Pension? Utilities?

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What about her partner, father of the kids paying towards the mortgage, childcare and utilities?
She clears 3.5k, on mw he'd get 1k as well at least. I find it unlikely op would marry someone on mw if 63k is only so maybe he clears more. How do they cope on the 7k+ the household must clear?

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 18:51

Boomboom22 · 19/12/2023 18:50

What about her partner, father of the kids paying towards the mortgage, childcare and utilities?
She clears 3.5k, on mw he'd get 1k as well at least. I find it unlikely op would marry someone on mw if 63k is only so maybe he clears more. How do they cope on the 7k+ the household must clear?

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She's said he's on a low income. He could be a student for all you know. Stop making ridiculous assumptions.