To think being asked for money at work like this is not ok?

[xmasmoney]

I don’t know if I’m feeling sensitive about money and actually this is totally reasonable…

We have one dc in full time nursery costing 1500 a month. I work for a professional services company and we have a lot of support staff. We are seen to be paid huge money. However I am only on 63k and we are struggling so much at the moment, some people more senior are on well over this with grown up dc. A month ago a Teams message was started by someone senior saying does anyone want to pitch in for a gift for the secretaries. I found this very inappropriate on teams as it was difficult to say no in a group chat.

I know the answer in practice is just don’t give anything if you can’t afford it but I’ve since been chased on a separate teams message asking if I am contributing and when I ignored that I got an email.

I feel this puts so much pressure on people and think it is massively inappropriate thing to do at work? Am I being a dick?

If that’s full time that is cheap.

In what world is childcare being positioned as entitlement?! 😂😂🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Wow some people are so entitled. Just be clear you can’t be bothered to put towards a gift for the much lower paid staff…sorted.

You do realise that the Secretary on £30,000 will be paying the same as you at their DC nursery school but living with their means.

Must be hard to be such a pauper on £63,000.

Maybe downgrade your massive house or something before you have to get a second job in Aldi or something 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Humble brag right there, only 63k 🙄

You say that the secretaries have partners who earn more than them, do you know this for sure or are you assuming just to justify you not putting in to the collection because they don't really need it? I'm a secretary (fully time and earn alot less than half of what you earn) and I'm the higher earner!

Adding in your salary was totally irrelevant to this tale so for that alone YABU

OP has been very careful in not disclosing the household income - jysg using her single wage as a point.

I used to work in the UK and would find it quite annoying when someone I barely knew would physically come to my desk for some charity collection or to collect for some leaver that I didn't know. Obviously I could technically just say no, but I'm the end it was usually easier to chuck in a few quid to make life easier for me.

I work in Switzerland now, no one has walked up to me and asked me to give money for some issue. You would normally receive 1 email for a collection. If you don't contribute no problem. (Though actually if it was a colleague that was known most people would be pretty generous).

RE £63k. I probably wouldn't have mentioned my income, but it makes me laugh how some of the people on this thread think you are loaded on £63k. A lot of people living in the US and on that much would think they were on a genuinely low income (depending on location), maybe it is a sign of how much British workers value themselves.

Or maybe it's a sign of cultural differences. Switzerland is one of the most expensive countries in the world, so of course Swiss salaries reflect that. Meanwhile people in the US also tend to get paid more because there is no NHS or benefits system like in the UK. I really don't know why you'd compare them other than to brag about your own "huge" income?

I didn't actually mention my income. But in the US, Canada, Australia, Ireland £63k would really not be considered anything to get excited about. If British workers are getting excited about such a salary it is because of lowered expectations.

Comparing US and European salaries is like comparing apples and pears. And totally irrelevant to this thread. https://expatrist.com/european-vs-us-salaries-why-you-get-more-in-the-us/

It really depends on how much of a contribution is being asked of you. These are staff that are supporting you, so it’s a shame that you don’t feel like saying (with a little gift) a ‘thank you’. I can’t imagine that any reasonable support staff would expect more than a ‘gesture’ of a gift, rather than something extravagant. Are you buying them designer handbags, or a are you chipping in to get them a nice food hamper or something…

there is nothing ‘only’ about your salary level. A small token wouldn’t hurt, I am assuming? Irrespective of that, you should feel compelled to offer any amount, if you don’t want to.

OP should pack in the professional job and get a flexible job with fewer hours. £63k-1500 per month childcare on the net equates to a £34k job! Hours could fit around 30 hour free childcare and net the same. Everyone should do this rather than pay for childcare. We need less financial, medical, legal or other types of “expert” professionals in this country anyway, people who are high paid need to wind their necks in a bit

I now completely ignore the constant stream of messages asking for people to add their message to birthday cards or leavers cards and request to contribute to the gifts.

I really don't have money to spare and also after no one bothered to wish me well when I was really unwell and had to take almost two months of sick leave, I stopped pretending that I care about any of my colleagues.

Only £63k?

What?

My net income is £45k, so virtually the same.

My household bills are £1800 a month. Gousto £200, top up shopping £200, fuel £500 a month.

I've got £800 a month left. If I had childcare fees of £1500 a month I would get £900 a month UC. Which means I'd have £200 a month left over.

I'm struggling to understand how you are poor on such a decent wage.

She didn’t say she earns loads.

Your household bills are tiny for a start.

Only on MN is almost £2k household bills a tiny amount. I love a good laugh first thing in the morning.

No, the secretary’s are being paid to support her (because that’s their job). It’s not OP’s responsibility to top up their wages, which is effectively what you’re arguing for.

Slightly digressing now, but this reminds me of the service charge issue in hospitality when most restaurants add the charge to a bill without the permission of the customers, because they know damn well that the average British diner, even in this day and age, is too embarrassed to ask for it to be removed.

I don’t understand the point people keep making about those on lower salaries having to pay the same childcare costs (assuming they have young children at all, of course).

The people I know on lower salaries get a significant proportion of childcare paid by UC. And they get child benefit too which OP won’t be getting.

But it doesn’t take them anywhere near the £63k plus that op has. (I say that as a low income family, dh works full time, I am disabled and we have a disabled child).

To be honest, it’s don’t understand why you’re struggling on 63k.

£63k and struggling. Jeez. Are you a single parent? You said “we” so I would assume you also have a second wage coming into your household. If you can’t afford to chuck a fiver in on your salaries then you must have got yourself into some serious debt!

@Starryskies1 CB is £96 per month! And UC pay UPTO 80% of childcare which if you earn over 1,300 or MORE per month for example you have to pay quite a lot yourself. You also have to pay ALL childcare costs upfront before getting any money back 4 to 5 weeks later.

In fact UC wouldn't even cover £1,500 nursery fees for 1 child. So there's no doubt OP earns pretty well.

OP has a partner so to sat she is struggling like this doesn't make sense what else is she spending??

@starsinthenightskies not everyone does that’s the point. I earn 30k, dh earns 35k. Joint income same as OP sole one, and OP has a 2nd income too. We’re all muddling along but what’s short sighted is for the Op to be so certain she’s the only person who has to manage with childcare costs plus other bills.
We’ve just spent almost 3 years paying FT nursery fees of £280 a week - there is no UC top up! (And that’s after tax free childcare) also have a mortgage, student loan repayments and all other bills too, and certainly don’t begrudge a fiver to the apprentice who’s helped me out this year on a measly £5.28 an hour.

Gifts for support staff are traditional in the majority of professional services firms - you need to suck this one up I’m afraid.

@1975wasthebest come on, it's not 'topping up their wages' or comparable to a service charge in the restaurant. The managers aren't clubbing together to give each secretary £3k worth of presents. It's a token gift, £50 token or so.

And yes secretaries are paid to support, but they are often asked to do things that are outside general office work, or add extra thoughfulness e.g. always remember which seat a manager prefers for a flight when doing a travel booking. They will do these things to be helpful or kind, not because they have to. A gift recognises that.