To think being asked for money at work like this is not ok?

[xmasmoney]

I don’t know if I’m feeling sensitive about money and actually this is totally reasonable…

We have one dc in full time nursery costing 1500 a month. I work for a professional services company and we have a lot of support staff. We are seen to be paid huge money. However I am only on 63k and we are struggling so much at the moment, some people more senior are on well over this with grown up dc. A month ago a Teams message was started by someone senior saying does anyone want to pitch in for a gift for the secretaries. I found this very inappropriate on teams as it was difficult to say no in a group chat.

I know the answer in practice is just don’t give anything if you can’t afford it but I’ve since been chased on a separate teams message asking if I am contributing and when I ignored that I got an email.

I feel this puts so much pressure on people and think it is massively inappropriate thing to do at work? Am I being a dick?

Clearly you are unable to understand these things.

That's great! What's the relevance of this to my post about low-paid, low-stress jobs, though?

The world I live in is the one where people with much tighter incomes than 63k joint let alone 63k plus an additional income have to get by with all those pressures that you describe, yet they would consider themselves quite flush to have £58 left in the bank. The ones who that imaginary £1300 FT minimum wage that I based the partner's income on is all they have. So yes. You're right, you and the OP live in a very different world to me.

I am able to understand basic maths, that's for sure.

Such as 3500 minus 1500 minus what the OP's likely mortgage repayments are minus, you know, heating her home and feeding her kid and putting petrol in her car.

Either reply with one of the following:

"I can't manage a contribution this year, nursery fees are killing me at the moment, apologies."

OR

"I can only afford £10 this year, I can send it on payday on Friday, apologies but things are really tight with the extortionate nursery fees at the moment".

That way, you reply and get it off your back. They keep asking because they don't know what their overall budget is because you've ignored it.

FYI I do understand why things may be tight with you financially, £63K, whilst a good salary, isn't actually that much once nursery fees/student loans/mortgages and living costs come out, especially with the tax bracket you're in.

You’re assuming all of this re finances. You’ve no way of knowing what he earns or what their disposable income is. What we do know is she doesn’t have any spare cash and is being hounded.

That's not appropriate.

'only on 63k'

Only on mumsnet would anyone preface 63k with 'only'.

How are these people on 1300 a month paying 1500 a month in childcare costs then?

Exactly.

I know. Thank heavens us on low incomes don’t need homes and our children live on fresh air. What a mess we would be in if we had these outgoings 😬.

It is been the way for a long time that even well paid staff find things tight when paying childcare. OP won’t be getting child benefit on that wage either. I remember being a graduate and having loads more disposable income than my boss who was on double my wage.

If she can’t afford it, then she needs to be a big girl and say no.

I had to smile at “jealous”. I earn less than OP (but no idea what her partner earns) and despite similar childcare fees, I can still manage my budget not to be so skint I can spare a fiver. I know there are some people who have difficult circumstances and lower incomes, so I’m not judging them. If OP is bad with money, she’s bad with money. That’s not the fault of the person asking at work!

£63K is about the 90th centile in the UK.

The other 90% of the population also has mortgages, bills, Christmas to pay for, nursery bills.

Saying “only” is massively offensive to 90% of the UK.

They don’t, they give up work.

If you earn 1,300 and nursery is 1500, obviously that’s what you do.

Which indicates that while the op’s partner might earn less than her, he clearly earns more than £1500, otherwise he could give up work and they would be better off.

Not true. This person clearly is not a regular poster. If they were they would know anyone earning over minimum wage should be burnt alive.

Well, they're not, are they? If the cost of nursery is more than you earn then you most likely stay at home with your kids, and if you do work you can probably get a decent chunk of it covered by UC.

So it's not comparable at all, is it?

None of these imaginary people are comparable, including your imaginary minimum wage couple who aren't making hundreds of pounds a month in student loan repayments and are renting a house in the North East rather than servicing a mortgage in the South East where many of the well paid jobs are.

Not true. I was worse off for a period but long term it didn’t make sense not to take the hit. So we did.

You mean like the ridiculous assumptions OP has made about her secretarial colleagues’ financial situation?

Plenty of men won't do that.

I don't think she has actually confirmed he is her child's father either.

Again, you're making assumptions.

not true. A large chunk will not be employed. Have no childcare. Have paid off mortgage etc.

She probably at least knows whether they have kids or not.

I can only assume all those health care assistants, hospital porters and childcare workers etc live very cheaply “up north” and somehow commute (asp somehow very cheaply obvs) to work in the southern parts of the country every day.

Plenty of working lower income parents live and <gasp> have mortgages in London and the south east! It might be tight at times but we aren’t some alien species without a spare fiver to our name. 🙄 you don’t need £60k to manage to work and pay for childcare. I earn less than £60k but more than minimum wage. I am average in terms of my income. It’s going to be hard in the childcare years which was my choice. I cannot afford a holiday this year, which is also fine as my choices are my choices but I can spare £5. Of course nobody has to give a gift but let’s not pretend it’s not affordable for a lot of families even on average incomes. That’s my problem with this thread.

What’s that got to do with the price of eggs?! They may be supporting uni aged children or parents. Having young children doesn’t automatically mean you spend thousands on childcare either. Many people get free childcare from family or work compressed hours or opposing shifts. Having young kids does not automatically mean you have higher outgoings.

sadly when 2k a month is spent on your child with nursery, petrol, food, etc

Are you honestly saying that, after childcare, your child costs you 500pcm to feed, replace clothes as they are outgrown and do the nursery run in the car?

I just don't believe you.

omg once again another post of people leeching on to the OP because she put “only 63k” OP has already mentioned they have high outgoings, credit card debt.. etc

for the people saying “how can you not afford anything else” OP won’t be getting any help from the government, especially if there a two income family.

its also been stated she literally has £58 left in her bank to last, why the fuck should she have to give anything? Not to sound horrible.. but it’s not OPs responsibility, I’m the most caring person you could meet.. however if I just about had enough to stretch would I heck put my own family in that situation to have to struggle so Tina the secretary can have something when they probably already have families/partners getting them stuff anyway🤷‍♀️

OP probably has a car to maintain petrol to have to put into that btw!, food to buy! Last minute stuff for Christmas to get, heating the house! Oh yeah childcare expenses which aren’t cheap especially when your entitled to no help.. it’s the most expensive time of year!! And people have the cheek on here to say you need help with budgeting OP😅 it’s your choice! If you can manage a small amount then do so, otherwise maybe you could suggest transferring some after payday? OR just be upfront and honest and tell them moneys tight atm!

take no notice of the green eyed monsters on here jumping on your words 😊