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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mum's taxi for 18 year old daughter

245 replies

westendgirll · 19/12/2023 07:54

My daughter is home for the holidays after her first term at uni. Last night, she went out to see all her old school friends and told me that she was getting a lift home. However, the friend changed his mind and I got a message asking for a lift back at 11pm.

We live 2 miles from the town centre so I went and got her. My husband (her stepfather) did his nut because he thinks that she should have got a taxi back. I disagree because she was a woman on her own. He isn't talking to me this morning and is still very angry.

He keeps going on about how he wasn't given any lifts by his parents at the same age and his son was in the army in Iraq at 18!

I think it's no big deal and, as a woman, she is vulnerable from dodgy taxi drivers and drunks, etc,but he won't have it!

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 19/12/2023 16:13

I'd be very unhappy with a partner who couldn't simply state they disagreed with my decision and then let it drop.

The 'kid asks for lift' here is not the issue.

Its the 'adult male who disagrees with wife, gets nasty about it, won't let it drop long after the event, responds by using silent treatment AND cannot fathom that there are some significant differences between what an 18 year old man may experience/feel getting home by themselves, vs an 18 year old woman' that is the major problem here.

None of the conclusions I can draw from this about his basic nature are good... if there wasn't a retraction, apology and sincere effort to adjust his attitude, I think I'd be ending things.

EmmyA87 · 19/12/2023 16:24

I can’t understand this culture that at aged 18 suddenly your children aren’t your responsibility anymore and need to fend for themselves. If anything had happened to your daughter you can bet he’d have ‘done his nut’ at you for not picking her up. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Let him seethe. Your children’s safety is your number one priority.

ArchetypalBusyMum · 19/12/2023 16:30

@WiddlinDiddlin 👌

Quartz2208 · 19/12/2023 16:59

WiddlinDiddlin · 19/12/2023 16:13

I'd be very unhappy with a partner who couldn't simply state they disagreed with my decision and then let it drop.

The 'kid asks for lift' here is not the issue.

Its the 'adult male who disagrees with wife, gets nasty about it, won't let it drop long after the event, responds by using silent treatment AND cannot fathom that there are some significant differences between what an 18 year old man may experience/feel getting home by themselves, vs an 18 year old woman' that is the major problem here.

None of the conclusions I can draw from this about his basic nature are good... if there wasn't a retraction, apology and sincere effort to adjust his attitude, I think I'd be ending things.

This - she made a plan it fell through and she called her mum.

the biggest concerns I would have is that he belittled your decision and won’t let it go and that he really doesn’t see the dangers that a women on her own at that age could face

Beautiful3 · 19/12/2023 17:08

I never got lifts either. But I do understand how you feel. I do the same thing for my daughter because I worry about her safety late at night. All you can do is what your conscious allowance you too.

ZoeDavoMCR · 19/12/2023 17:13

Tell him to fuck right off, if you want to pick her up that’s up to you. I get out of bed in the early hours to pick mine up, my husband never complains but maybe that’s cos he’s their dad and he does the same, I’d never forgive myself if I said no and something happened to them

Roiesin57 · 19/12/2023 17:15

@Pifful I read it that her daughter did have plans for a lift home prior to going out, but they fell through during the evening. Not her fault & not bad planning on her part

boong121 · 19/12/2023 17:53

Good job if u went to get her, you made sure your daughter got home safe.

I moved to the UK from another country as 18 year old, I had never experienced is it called,sexual assault? - nearly every time I went for a run (in Birmingham) i got grabbed from behind, got stopped by guys asking to have sex with them, cars driving in front of me stopping me running etc-reported to the police,police shrugged shoulders not much they can do, advised to stop going running.

I did, ended up getting anxiety problems etc..your area might not be Birmingham but never know,lots of wierdos out there

DidiAskYouThough · 19/12/2023 18:02

@westendgirll not bothered to reply?

purplehair1 · 19/12/2023 18:18

My daughter is home from Uni as well - I’d give her a lift in the same circumstances, partly as it means I get to spend a bit more time with her! Buy my partner would be fine with it, I don’t see what it’s got to do with your husband really.

Balloonhearts · 19/12/2023 18:29

Jesus Christ. And you married this man? What the fuck were you taking and was it expensive?

I'm sorry. I could not find this attractive and I'd tell him to get the fuck out if that's how little he thinks or cares for my daughters safety. Hope his mother has a comfortable sofa.

Tryingtobedifferent · 19/12/2023 19:56

He sounds horrible! I'm almost 40, married with kids but if I needed a lift and rang my parents they would be there for me, no matter the time! It was 11pm, hardly 4 in the morning 🙄

BrainInAJar · 19/12/2023 20:18

I hope your dd doesn't know about his mood in case this makes her not ask for a lift next time.

Vile man wants to see her in danger to make a point.

heartofglass23 · 19/12/2023 22:13

He's an arse.!

celticprincess · 19/12/2023 23:06

When I was 15 I used to babysit and the couple would arrive home, often way past midnight, in a taxi which then then paid to take me home. 15!! If a 15 year old can get a taxi then so can an 18 year old. So you’re being unreasonable to think she’s unsafe. God knows what she’s been doing at Uni. However, it is also fine for you to choose to go and get her and your husband should not be kicking off at your decision.

Bella5C · 19/12/2023 23:07

Sounds like he’s got used to her being away and is perhaps (only a speculation) is a little jealous of how you’ve been towards your OWN daughter now she’s back. Don’t know you all to say, however, to be very angry about it the next day is extreme. There’s either good reason or he’s exhibiting a narcissistic trait he has.

Ohtobetwentytwo · 20/12/2023 00:00

Saying his dad didnt helpnhim and he didnt help his son sounds like sour grapes and jealousy to me.

Howbizarre22 · 20/12/2023 09:58

Woahtherehoney · 19/12/2023 07:56

She’s your daughter and he has no right at all to dictate what you do and don’t do - if you want to pick her up and know she’s safe then just ignore him (he sounds like a bit of a twat to be honest!)

This with bells on. She an extremely young adult female and the world is not a safe place at night in alcohol fulled places. How dare your DH even think he has a right to tell you not to pick your daughter up x

Purplebunnie · 20/12/2023 10:44

celticprincess · 19/12/2023 23:06

When I was 15 I used to babysit and the couple would arrive home, often way past midnight, in a taxi which then then paid to take me home. 15!! If a 15 year old can get a taxi then so can an 18 year old. So you’re being unreasonable to think she’s unsafe. God knows what she’s been doing at Uni. However, it is also fine for you to choose to go and get her and your husband should not be kicking off at your decision.

No taxi driver is going to mess with a child put into a taxi by people who know who he is - they've just paid his fare, know the company.

Random taxi driver picking up an alone 18 year old - fair game if he's the wrong kind of person as has been indicated by other pps on this thread

Quartz2208 · 20/12/2023 11:08

Purplebunnie · 20/12/2023 10:44

No taxi driver is going to mess with a child put into a taxi by people who know who he is - they've just paid his fare, know the company.

Random taxi driver picking up an alone 18 year old - fair game if he's the wrong kind of person as has been indicated by other pps on this thread

Edited
Show quote history

This I remember a taxi journey I had with two friends where he drove out to an estate stopped and went to the boot to get something out (it looked weirdly like twigs) it’s only because there were 3 of us that we argued and he did drive us back. Had it just been one of us who knows. She was panicked because her option fell through and therefore made the right decision

Storminthesky · 22/12/2023 02:38

One thing we've always told our kids, DS, DD doesn't matter what time it is, what age they are, I would always collect them if they were on a night out on their own or with friends. I'll always sleep better at night knowing they were safe. And taxi prices are extortionate too.

And if my husband was kicking off (which luckily he wouldn't as he shares the same viewpoint) I'd be telling him where to go. Your Husband sounds awful in all honesty. I don't understand why he wouldn't want her to get home safe. I think back to what I used to do when I was that age. And it honestly makes me cringe. Although I did used to luckily sober up quite quick when I was on my own. But for me I'd rather know they were safe. It's a no brainer for me. Sending you a hug. He's being a dick.

Fancycheese · 22/12/2023 04:53

Sorry to say but your husband is truly awful. What a controlling twat.

TheGoogleMum · 22/12/2023 05:00

I think I'd have let her get a taxi unlessvibwaa feeling particularly generous. I can see why you helped though. He is overreacting

2chocolateoranges · 22/12/2023 19:39

I’m 47 and dh still picks me and my friends up from nights out. Saves us getting taxis and I pick him up from nights out too.

thats what loving families do, they help each other out.

Ompompom · 30/12/2023 23:08

I've already told my 8 year old daughter that when she is old enough for such nights out I will wait up and go and pick her up from town. I'm probably a massive dickhead and you'll all think I'm stupid, but I wouldn't sleep for worrying anyway. I know what I used to get up to, and I'm lucky to still be alive today. I doubt its any safer out there now that it was in the late 90s early 00s.