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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum's taxi for 18 year old daughter

245 replies

westendgirll · 19/12/2023 07:54

My daughter is home for the holidays after her first term at uni. Last night, she went out to see all her old school friends and told me that she was getting a lift home. However, the friend changed his mind and I got a message asking for a lift back at 11pm.

We live 2 miles from the town centre so I went and got her. My husband (her stepfather) did his nut because he thinks that she should have got a taxi back. I disagree because she was a woman on her own. He isn't talking to me this morning and is still very angry.

He keeps going on about how he wasn't given any lifts by his parents at the same age and his son was in the army in Iraq at 18!

I think it's no big deal and, as a woman, she is vulnerable from dodgy taxi drivers and drunks, etc,but he won't have it!

OP posts:
glassyhag · 19/12/2023 08:12

It success very much like your "DH" thinks he should be your #1 priority now that your daughter is living away from home. He sofa resentful of the fact that she's come home and he's not to dig for your affections tbh.

Checkcheckandcheckagain · 19/12/2023 08:12

DH can get in the Bin! If you want to collect your Daughter, collect her! Nothing to do with him - totally unreasonable for him to lose it Confused

RoachFish · 19/12/2023 08:13

I would absolutely have gone and got my daughter in your situation. Mine is 21 now and she has also picked me up once when I had been at a friends house for dinner but had been drinking so couldn't drive myself. I could have taken a bus then metro but it would have taken longer. It's just something you do when you are family.

wildwestpioneer · 19/12/2023 08:13

If it's only two miles and you were up anyway I don't see an issue with you collecting her. I'd do the same for my dd.
Taxis are expensive and I think your dh is a bit batshit for 'doing his nut in' over a 4 mile drive.
As long as your dd isn't taking the piss and expecting it I don't see the issue

Original poster
westendgirll · 19/12/2023 08:14

Thanks for all your messages! It has helped me get a perspective. At uni I feel she is very safe because it's a smaller town than home and they all walk home together because they live in the same place!

I am worried about my husband's reaction. Rather ott, I think. Also, I think that his own father was way too strict. He was quite well off but refused to help his son in any way once he was 18...kind of old school

OP posts:
Roiesin57 · 19/12/2023 08:15

Nothing to do with your husband so tell him to stfu. If you want to do something nice for your daughter after not seeing her all term that is entirely your choice. He doesn't get to dictate how you treat her.
As for the pp who asked if you fret so much when she's at uni - maybe she's never out on her own at uni, maybe taxis are easier to get? In my town some taxi drivers have given up due to costs so the wait times for a taxi are longer. The fare costs have shot up too. It was only 11pm not like it was 3 in the morning.
Only in mumsnet world are you not allowed to help your dc once they hit the magic age of 18 🙄

AngelsWithSilverWings · 19/12/2023 08:16

I'd have walked or got a taxi at that age ( mainly walked because I hate paying for taxis) but that's not really the point.

Your DH is very unreasonable to be so angry. I'd happily pick my 18 year old son up if he called at 11pm - it's not that late and it's a nice thing to do. DH dropped him off and picked him up from his works party 10 miles away last week so that he could have a drink.

DS also drives us to places and picks us up if we ask him.

Your DH sounds like he resents your DD being home and he doesn't sound very nice.

jeaux90 · 19/12/2023 08:16

98% of sexual assaults are committed by men. There have been several high profile cases where the perpetrators were taxi drivers.

He is being a prick.

MujeresLibres · 19/12/2023 08:17

Totally with you, OP. I would have done the same. Your husband sounds almost jealous?

squeekychicken · 19/12/2023 08:17

If I was able and happy to I'd always pick up rather than a taxi. As she was only 2 miles away you were prob out and home in 10 minutes. Hardly a big deal.

Mrsjayy · 19/12/2023 08:19

westendgirll · 19/12/2023 08:14

Thanks for all your messages! It has helped me get a perspective. At uni I feel she is very safe because it's a smaller town than home and they all walk home together because they live in the same place!

I am worried about my husband's reaction. Rather ott, I think. Also, I think that his own father was way too strict. He was quite well off but refused to help his son in any way once he was 18...kind of old school

you never need to stop helping her or giving her lifts if you want but it Is OK for her to get a taxi if she's out and about.

Daisies12 · 19/12/2023 08:19

LenaLamont · 19/12/2023 07:56

You are both being unreasonable. You, for not expecting your daughter to use a taxi and him for not talking and being angry hours later.

He’s the most unreasonable of the two of you.

This. She’s an adult, pathetic she’s asking for lifts

Mrsjayy · 19/12/2023 08:22

Good god hardly pathetic to ask her mum for a lift.

FlamingoQueen · 19/12/2023 08:22

He sounds a gem! Your dd could have got a taxi, she could have text you first to say she was getting in one and then you’d have been expecting her home. But, his reaction is disgusting.

mottytotty · 19/12/2023 08:24

Daisies12 · 19/12/2023 08:19

This. She’s an adult, pathetic she’s asking for lifts

Show quote history

Pathetic for an 18yo to ask her mum for a lift after her arranged lift let her down at the last minute?

You need to reassess what pathetic means.

OP, MN is very much ‘do as I say, not as I do’. These people have different standards for their own children but are keyboard warriors with yours.

Roiesin57 · 19/12/2023 08:24

Oh & thank you for reminding me @RoachFish both my adult dc have been a taxi for me to save waiting for one & the cost as we live out in the sticks, even though I could afford it. Made up for all the times I've picked them up in the middle of the night when they were younger.
And one even picked drove down from the Midlands to Watford junction a couple of Sundays ago as I would have been stranded in London due to the train strike, unless i got a taxi or national express coach, which would have taken hours.
It's what families do, they help each other out if they are able to

BendingSpoons · 19/12/2023 08:25

Daisies12 · 19/12/2023 08:19

This. She’s an adult, pathetic she’s asking for lifts

Show quote history

Really?! I picked my DH up last night from a random station after train issues. I didn't have to, he had other ways home, but I was helping him out. He would do the same.

The DD asked, the OP agreed. Yes the DD could have got a taxi or walked and no doubt would have done, but the OP was happy to go and get her. It was an occasional thing and not ridiculously late. It's nothing to do the the step-father and he is being an arse to be sulking about it still!

margotrose · 19/12/2023 08:25

Since when was it pathetic to ask for a lift?

This place gets more bonkers by the day 😂

Myfabby · 19/12/2023 08:25

Daisies12 · 19/12/2023 08:19

This. She’s an adult, pathetic she’s asking for lifts

Show quote history

You're very rude.

Nevertouchakoala · 19/12/2023 08:26

I always got taxis at 18 but I’m not sure why he’s angry that you went and got her? Makes no sense…

TomeTome · 19/12/2023 08:26

Wow. I’d give any of my children a lift at 11pm. What exactly was the problem? It would be weirdly unhelpful not to and a total waste of money to get a cab. If they walked home alone I’d be angry.

Myfabby · 19/12/2023 08:27

TomeTome · 19/12/2023 08:26

Wow. I’d give any of my children a lift at 11pm. What exactly was the problem? It would be weirdly unhelpful not to and a total waste of money to get a cab. If they walked home alone I’d be angry.

Exactly- I'll give my children a lift at any time... even picked up at 2AM.

cariadlet · 19/12/2023 08:27

I agree with pretty much everyone else: up to you if you want to give your dd a lift, nothing to do with your dp and he has been a prick because of his behaviour the next morning.

I don't drive so it's Dad's taxi in our house. Our dd knows that she can always phone home if her lift has fallen through or there are no taxis.

She's sometimes phoned after we've gone to bed and he might grumble a bit after he's put the phone down but wouldn't think twice about getting up and going out to get her.

Beezknees · 19/12/2023 08:27

It's completely your choice. I wouldn't do it though.

Do the women on this thread never get taxis then? I'm curious. I use taxis or public transport to get home if I've had a drink.

gotomomo · 19/12/2023 08:27

Both unreasonable, but most of all your dd who should have worked out transport prior. My DD's have taken taxis from 16 regularly, if they are old enough to be out in town, they are old enough to take taxis in my book (or find another way to get home, we have buses until midnight). He on the other hand needs to now get over it but I do take his point!