Mum's taxi for 18 year old daughter

[westendgirll]

My daughter is home for the holidays after her first term at uni. Last night, she went out to see all her old school friends and told me that she was getting a lift home. However, the friend changed his mind and I got a message asking for a lift back at 11pm.

We live 2 miles from the town centre so I went and got her. My husband (her stepfather) did his nut because he thinks that she should have got a taxi back. I disagree because she was a woman on her own. He isn't talking to me this morning and is still very angry.

He keeps going on about how he wasn't given any lifts by his parents at the same age and his son was in the army in Iraq at 18!

I think it's no big deal and, as a woman, she is vulnerable from dodgy taxi drivers and drunks, etc,but he won't have it!

Wow, just wow. Just shit parenting on all of you who wouldn't go and fetch your child. They are your children even when in their 60s and this fucking awful attitude that once they hit 18 they can fuck off. It's finished me on this site. I just don't get it

If you were fine to pick her up then it's not his problem, and it's hardly something to go mad about. Plus taxis can cost a fortune, particularly at this time of year.

My mum used to give me lifts from nights out when I was still at home, particularly in the case where arrangements fell through, there was always and understanding that I should ring home. She doesn't drive any more now (she 84) and I give her lifts to the hairdressers and to medical appointments. I'm 48 and my husband picked me up from the station after my work do the other day. I was perfectly capable of walking or getting a cab. DD1 (18) picked me up from the station yesterday as she just happened to be passing. It's just a nice thing to do for one another and doesn't create dependence but a culture of kindness and generosity.

Your dh is a knob. Of course you should’ve got her esp if no public transport. We are in London so pick up from tube or bus stop if needed. I don’t really like dd walking home alone late as we’re not that near a main road. dh normally does it as he stays up later, next choice is Uber as at least if it’s in our accounts we can track the car.

To add, Dh always picks me up too from station (5 mins at night w no traffic) if I go out in town. It’s rare these days, but he does it no question! Would your dh do it for you?

I have an 19 year old son and without exception will always pick him up if asked.

Too many reports in the local paper/nextdoor app/facebook of muggings for mobile phones at knifepoint in my area - I'm always happy to offer lifts home to friends too.

Fwiw, my DH doesn't agree with my stance but hey ho, I do what I feel is best.

What does she do when she’s out at uni?

Driving lessons for Christmas?

I’ve collected my daughter and son after nights out. Dd doesn’t like getting a taxi herself so I offer to collect her, I’ve also collected them when the taxi was over an hour wait, I could collect, get them home and be sleeping within that hour.

o don’t sleep when they are out in town for the night anyway, I just toss and turn until they are home.

your dh is being a dick!
does he like your daughter, does he feel jealous of the attention she gets when she’s home?

My daughter has been using taxis since she was 16, on our Uber account. We have the name and licence plate of the driver and can see where the car is every second of the journey.

If a lift lets her down she grabs an Uber and is home in no time. She doesn’t need to ring for assistance at 18, she knows what to do.

As the OP’s daughter is at university, I’d assume she is equally competent.

This thread should be about a man who ‘did his nut’, stonewalls his wife, is controlling and ‘very angry’. Yet has descended into anecdotes about university.

I'm 48 and a competent adult, I can still have a lift from a family member sometimes. What was the point you were trying to make?

I'd be more worried about her stepfather's attitude. What's so great about having your son serving in Iraq at 18? Do you get a special fatherhood medal for that or something?

Two miles at 11pm and I would gladly do it rather than pay for a taxi.... when it gets to 2am or 3am and a hour's round trip I would sometimes rather take the chance on her getting an Uber than forcing me out of bed to scrape the ice off the car .... but it does depend on the cost.... we simply can't afford to be shelling out £20 for cabs every time she goes out, and neither can she.

We do live in London but depending on which friends she's out with, public transport is not always an option as it's an indirect bus journey with a change of bus in a very insalubrious location and she's usually the only one of her friends going this way.

FWIW, I don't think it's any business of your husbands whether you want to pick up YOUR daughter.

IME uni is very different. They go out as groups - often from the same house or Halls. They stick together and come home together.

Driving lessons aren't much help if you want a drink. My DH will come and pick me up if I want to have a drink!

It's mind boggling.

Asking what the OP's child does at uni. 🙄

**
Seeline

Driving lessons aren't much help if you want a drink. My DH will come and pick me up if I want to have a drink!”

Fair enough, hadn’t thought of that. Ours aren’t drinkers.

(Prior to driving, just used public transport/taxis too, don’t bother them. Everyone’s different I suppose)

My kids are all over 16 and I'd give them a lift any time if it was convenient for me to do so. They don't ask that often, but sometimes it's late, or bad weather, or a bit too far to walk to somewhere with no public transport so I don't mind driving them. Actually I've done it when it's not particularly convenient for me - one of mine works night shifts and I've gotten up to take him when the weather has been atrocious. (Yes, driving lessons etc, but even if he passed his test he couldn't afford a car, insurance, tax etc)

Your DP is being ridiculous, and even more ridiculous for giving you the silent treatment.

Honestly I'd tell him to fuck off. If ever one of my kids calls me late at night needing my help, you bet your life I'll be going to pick them up. Your DH is a dick.

What else does he sulk about?

What's it got to do with him if you choose to give your own DD a lift?
I'd reply that you can parent how you choose and he is coming across as controlling.

I don't really understand she should have got herself home argument. Yes she could get a taxi but what's wrong with Mum picking her up if she's free.

I went out on Friday, yes I could have got a taxi home but I rang my husband and asked if he minded collecting me and he come and got me.

DSD was leaving for school morning and the weather was terrible. Yes she could have got herself there buy I offered to drive her because well why not 🤷‍♀️.

Your husband is being a dick.

That doesn't make the OP 'unreasonable' for picking her daughter up, though.

This 100%

Your partner is angry you popped out to pick up your child? Why, have you asked him why? Very odd response. Anyway no fucking man would be telling me when I could or couldn't pick up my own child. Wtf is wrong with him? He seems to resent your DD?
I'm in my 50's and my dad still offers me a lift after a night out!

Sounds like a friend was going to drive then decided to drink. I would 100% pick up my child..

Before midnight
Less than 3 miles away

It saves them money and keeps them safe. It's minimal hassle to me. Why wouldn't I?

The unreasonable bit was thinking her daughter at 18 shouldn’t use a taxi.

Giving her a lift is perfectly reasonable.

Saying 18yo young women can’t use an Uber with journey tracking, the name and licence plate of the driver is the mollycoddling bit. That’s what I said the OP was unreasonable for.

He's unreasonable for being so angry, but there is no reason your daughter couldn't have got a taxi or god forbid even have walked. What does she do after a night out at uni??? I bet she either gets a taxi, makes sure she has back up arrangements available or walks. What if you'd had a drink, what would she have done then??
I do think you need to talk to her about planning for those types of eventualities, it's part of being an adult.