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Original poster

Mum's taxi for 18 year old daughter

245 replies

westendgirll · 19/12/2023 07:54

My daughter is home for the holidays after her first term at uni. Last night, she went out to see all her old school friends and told me that she was getting a lift home. However, the friend changed his mind and I got a message asking for a lift back at 11pm.

We live 2 miles from the town centre so I went and got her. My husband (her stepfather) did his nut because he thinks that she should have got a taxi back. I disagree because she was a woman on her own. He isn't talking to me this morning and is still very angry.

He keeps going on about how he wasn't given any lifts by his parents at the same age and his son was in the army in Iraq at 18!

I think it's no big deal and, as a woman, she is vulnerable from dodgy taxi drivers and drunks, etc,but he won't have it!

OP posts:
Myfabby · 19/12/2023 08:43

Rickenbackergoodgrief · 19/12/2023 08:41

What does she do when she's at uni, sit in her room when she's not attending a lecture?

How is this at all relevant?

margotrose · 19/12/2023 08:43

Rickenbackergoodgrief · 19/12/2023 08:41

What does she do when she's at uni, sit in her room when she's not attending a lecture?

What a stupid question.

nokidshere · 19/12/2023 08:45

Your teen asked for a lift, you happily gave them one. Everything else is irrelevant.

Anyone who is angry about that needs to be got rid of.

converseandjeans · 19/12/2023 08:45

My Dad used to often give me a lift well into my 40s if he was able to.

I picked DH up last week from the pub to save on taxi fare.

I think an 18yo female is more vulnerable than a male.

It's concerning that he was against the idea & is now refusing to speak to you. How has it affected him? Does he resent your DD for some reason?

margotrose · 19/12/2023 08:47

nokidshere · 19/12/2023 08:45

Your teen asked for a lift, you happily gave them one. Everything else is irrelevant.

Anyone who is angry about that needs to be got rid of.

Exactly.

If OP had said no and her DD had thrown a tantrum, or if OP was expected to cancel existing plans then that would be different.

But all that happened was her daughter asked for something and she agreed and happily did it. Really not a drama.

Mumof2teens79 · 19/12/2023 08:47

She probably uses taxis at uni, but with ger friends, not alone. Plus she has no option

But they aren't cheap.
I have always told my girls wherever you are, whatever time, I will pick you up. Don't take risks

Tacotortoise · 19/12/2023 08:47

Menomeno · 19/12/2023 08:11

I’m with you. I’ve got a dd the same age and DH or I will pick her up if she’s out drinking and has to come home on her own. If she’s not drinking I’m happier for her to get a taxi but not if she’s had a few drinks as she’s vulnerable. She once told me that whenever she gets a taxi she pulls out a couple of strands of hair and puts it on the floor of the taxi so that if she gets murdered, there’s DNA evidence that she was in the taxi. It really shocked/upset me that she obviously feels so vulnerable.

Better to get her to photograph the license plate and forward the picture to you. Then there will be less chance of anything happening.

Alohapotato · 19/12/2023 08:48

It's worrying your husband feels so strongly against of you making sure your DD is safe at home. I would pick up my children (boys and girls) anytime no matter what and my two oldest sons they know they can count on me bringing them back home.
My dad/mum did for me, they still do when I go to visit them and I'll do for my children as long as I can drive.

Beezknees · 19/12/2023 08:50

margotrose · 19/12/2023 08:30

You can do both.

Show quote history

It was more because people are talking about taxis being unsafe.

FedUpMumof10YO · 19/12/2023 08:50

I pick my DD up when it's dark for every journey. She's 17 and until she's driving and no longer reliant on my I shall continue to do so.

Your DH is an arse. 11pm isn't that late.

Overly aggressive ...but ....he can FUCK off.

Youngersis1 · 19/12/2023 08:50

Is your DH jealous of your DD, or just a bully?

SkinOffNose · 19/12/2023 08:51

I would collect my son or daughter if I could. If I couldn’t then they would get a cab. What a weird thing for him to get angry about. It’s going to be a long Xmas holiday for you all…

Only on MN do I see people behave so weirdly about helping their kids out. Oh they are 18, so it’s their responsibility blah blah. I don’t worry when my kids are at university and they manage perfectly fine. But when they come home, if they need a lift and we can do it, why wouldn’t we help?!

Tistheseason23 · 19/12/2023 08:53

The main problem with taxis in my area is how expensive they are so I would give my dc a lift if I could. I wouldn’t want to go out very late but at 11pm I would.

margotrose · 19/12/2023 08:53

@Beezknees well, as someone who's had a couple of bad experiences in taxis I wouldn't take one alone at night unless I had no other option or knew the driver.

Getting one home with a group of mates at university is very different.

Member984815 · 19/12/2023 08:54

I'd rather go out and get my daughter, than be worried about how she would get safely home. I know she would pick me up too if I needed a lift. Just because your husband didn't get lifts at that age or his son doesn't mean that you have to do the same

persisted · 19/12/2023 08:54

I'm in my 40s. On Thursday my dad is going to pick me up because we're going out together and my car has broken down.
As soon as I told him that he said not to worry about it and he'd drive. Another day he'll need something and I'll sort it out.

Isn't that just what you do for people you care about?

Sirian · 19/12/2023 08:55

I’m in my forties and my Dad still picks me up! Partly to save money, and partly for convenience because it can be difficult to get a taxi on a busy night. And yes, it is also partly because I’m his daughter and he doesn’t want me standing on a dark street corner or getting in a taxi with a strange man. If I’m with my DH I’m much more likely to get a taxi - if I’m on my own I’ll probably call my Dad. I don’t see anything wrong with parents picking up adult kids if everyone is willing? (I also pick up my parents for the same reasons!)

Beezknees · 19/12/2023 08:55

margotrose · 19/12/2023 08:53

@Beezknees well, as someone who's had a couple of bad experiences in taxis I wouldn't take one alone at night unless I had no other option or knew the driver.

Getting one home with a group of mates at university is very different.

Fair enough. I usually get a bus as there is 24 hour public transport where I live, only a taxi on rare occasions due to cost.

OnTheRoll · 19/12/2023 08:56

We live about 2 miles from centre, and a taxi at 11pm could easily cost upwards of £15. I would easily pick up my child (of either sex) just to save money

CharlotteBog · 19/12/2023 08:57

Myfabby · 19/12/2023 08:41

Wow, a litany of questions.

Lift fell through, called Mom, mom picked up, life is good.

Show quote history

Yeah...I did go on a bit, didn't I!
I'm trying to understand why OP's husband reacted as he did.
It seems an extreme reaction for the casual 'life fell through, call Mum' - there must be some background.

LaurieStrode · 19/12/2023 08:58

ArchetypalBusyMum · 19/12/2023 08:39

If I was two miles down the road and sober when someone's lift fell thorough I'd happily nip and get them, miles cheaper than the taxi and a chance for a natter and get the gossip on the evening, especially if I haven't seen said person for a while. We'd put Xmas tunes on and chat about the holidays. Pleasant, simple. I'd do it for son, daughter, friend, parent... just no big deal at all.

He's looking at this through one very narrow tiny lens gifted to him by his arsehole father. And clinging to that in righteous anger. What. A. Dick. He needs to reflect on whether his dad's choices were really the high bar against which all future parenting choices should be measured.
Sounds like he's very successfully 'manned up' under his dad's critical eye and now can't objectively consider whether maybe there was no need for the in at the deep end approach to encouraging independence and maybe it's damaged him as much as it's helped him.

But her lift didn't even mean what he thinks it does.

As though what you did means she can't stand on her own two feet. When in reality, it was probably more like, <ponders> 'wonder if mum's still awake, if not I'll crash at Jane's house/walk home/get taxi... '

The fact you're being punished still is ridiculous. I pity her having him for a step father.

Well said!

OP, your husband sounds abusive.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/12/2023 08:59

The fact that you've questioned whether it's unreasonable for your husband to be so angry after you did something kind which didn't effect him whatsoever, makes me worry for you op. I'm worried what your normal is. Because he sounds completely horrible.

Vinrouge4 · 19/12/2023 09:00

Your husband sounds a bully. What difference does it make to him. Take no notice and do what you feel is right.

Gooseysgirl · 19/12/2023 09:01

Total overreaction by your DH. It's Christmas ffs. I would happily have picked her up.

OneMoreMyWay · 19/12/2023 09:01

I think this comes under "things men never have to think about". Certainly when I was at uni 20 odd years ago, the general rule for a woman was never to get into a taxi alone.
I suppose, today things have changed. Everyone had a phone, can be tracked, can send a quick photo of the registration to a mate etc.
I would go for a bus, then walking then taxi. I might have called her one from a reliable company.

I was walking back along a deserted road (fields, bit of forest) in the dark from DS's parents evening and sent DH a text to let him know I was on my way and which route I was taking. He replied "why do I need to know this?" Ummm because it's basic safety. If you're going somewhere alone at night, you tell someone where you're going and when you're expecting to be home. He has never had to think about this.