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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

673 replies

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 15:47

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

OP posts:
RosePetals86 · 18/12/2023 17:11

YANBU- being tee total doesn’t make you designated driver! Especially as you’re hosting too. When I was pregnant I was expected to give people lifts to and from events- cf behaviour imho! Don’t do it op offer to call them a taxi

Peachy2005 · 18/12/2023 17:12

Unless you don’t like them, or they behave objectionably with alcohol, 15 minutes each way is nothing. Taxis are expensive and probably in short supply on Xmas Day. If you really don’t want to, tell your DH he’ll have to stay sober and do it.

Blanketpolicy · 18/12/2023 17:12

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 16:28

@ThequalityoftheReps

I do all the prep, cleaning, present buying etc before christmas. My husband sorts the drinks for everyone but otherwise I do all the cooking and washing up etc

My In laws don’t help at all.

I don't expect too much help from guests, but I'd be demanding a damn lot more from my dh in the prep, execution and clean up!

Original poster
Netball01 · 18/12/2023 17:13

unfortunately December is my husband’s busiest time of year which is why he isn’t helping with any of the prep.

This is the first year we are hosting so there is no precedent around me giving lifts on Xmas day. When we host dinner parties / other family events etc I have never driven anyone home, they have always made their own way to and from our house - and when we’ve been hosted we have always made our own travel arrangements. Taxis are available on Xmas day, they just don’t want to pay for one

OP posts:
Peachy2005 · 18/12/2023 17:16

Just saw your update where nobody else is helping with anything and they are being tight about getting a taxi….just tell your DH to get a taxi for them.

KVick · 18/12/2023 17:16

ilovesooty · 18/12/2023 16:41

There's rather a lot of difference between drinking even a little so that driving is inadvisable and getting plastered / drinking to excess / substance misuse.

Show quote history

Is there though? Such a big difference, I mean? I've been able to drive myself to a dinner or function where wine and cocktails are served and even sometimes partake in a glass of wine maybe with the dinner part of the event- but it would never occur to me to get so impaired that I can't drive myself home. I'd just sip slowly on the one glass at the beginning of the evening and make sure I eat and switch to water at least an hour before heading home. Or just not bother with the wine at all..... it's really not that important to me. At a family holiday event, the important part is supposed to be gathering with loved ones, right?

I've hosted and attended corporate functions where alcohol was served and all the guests drove to the venue and drove home when it was finished without incident. People who drink socially and responsibly don't get drunk. I think it's kind of antisocial (and embarrassing) to get so inebriated when you're someone's guest that the host has to cart your drunk ass back home.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 18/12/2023 17:16

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 16:28

@ThequalityoftheReps

I do all the prep, cleaning, present buying etc before christmas. My husband sorts the drinks for everyone but otherwise I do all the cooking and washing up etc

My In laws don’t help at all.

Well it sounds like your husband needs another job, so he can be HIS parents taxi driver.

Just because you're teetotal (as am I), doesn't mean you should have to taxi driver everyone around.

It is a relatively short distance, but it's more the principal, you're doing everything for the event and your husband expects you to do this on top. It's not fair on you. Just tell your husband that you've more than enough to do and that he needs to pull his weight and ensure that HIS parents get home safely.

Delatron · 18/12/2023 17:16

Unless he’s working on Christmas Day then he can help with the cooking and cleaning. ‘Doing the drinks’ is nothing.

inkyfingers · 18/12/2023 17:20

If it’s the first year you are hosting it’s exactly the time to set some ground rules / expectations for in-laws on what Christmas at yours is like. Definitely if it includes you driving or them ordering a taxi. Start as you mean to go on.

KombuchaKalling · 18/12/2023 17:20

I’m hosting this year and lm in a similar situation with guests. They can either drive themselves (my guests have a pathological loathing of driving) or get taxis. I’m busy hosting Christmas and have had a very busy year. Both you and l are allowed some down time

MrsPeacockDidIt · 18/12/2023 17:21

At least this way you’re in charge of when they leave !

pictoosh · 18/12/2023 17:23

Moredarkchocolateplease · 18/12/2023 15:57

I'd do anything for 30 mins away from the house on Xmas day, I feel trapped all day until bedtime. So i would do it.

Imagine the return journey, window down for fresh air, music or podcast on. Bliss.

Agree with this. I wouldn't have a problem with it.

mrsbyers · 18/12/2023 17:24

It’s half an hour no big deal , would you be as up in arms if it was your mum and dad ?

diddl · 18/12/2023 17:24

I'd do anything for 30 mins away from the house on Xmas day, I feel trapped all day until bedtime. So i would do it.

Can't you take yourself off for a walk (or drive)?

Oscarlimadelta1 · 18/12/2023 17:25

They are being hosted for dinner, the least they can do is get a Taxi or your DH can take and drop them off. being a non drinker does not mean that you should host and provide taxi service on Christmas day. Ignore all those people that say that they would do it. Such entitlement to a non drinkers time!

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 18/12/2023 17:26

The assumption without asking would annoy me. Maybe you could buy yourself some wine juice a similar colour to any wine you are serving. Let them see you are drinking it and say you thought you would have a special Christmas treat. Express surprise that they haven't booked a taxi and offer to phone for one when they are ready to leave after all as a non-drinker the couple of glasses you've had will have gone right to your head. If they expect you to drink again in future you can say the experience has put you off drinking again.

Gettingcolder · 18/12/2023 17:27

I would agree to take them home while DH does the washing up. That way you are swopping one chore for another which seems fair.

Xmasisoffsantahascovid · 18/12/2023 17:27

Surely that gives you power over the time they leave???

cakewench · 18/12/2023 17:27

I've read all your posts and I'm sure someone else has said it but: surely if DH wants you to spend half an hour ferrying his parents home, he can spend that time being useful and doing some washing up.

Because otherwise yes, I think YANBU. You're doing everything already, and you're being asked to do yet another thing while he gets to relax and enjoy his day.

MeridianB · 18/12/2023 17:28

I totally understand how you feel, OP. The fact they haven’t asked you and just assumed is incredibly rude. How did the agreement for you to drive them come up? Did they ask DH or did he offer?

He can definitely pick them up and absolutely do the washing up while your drop them back. And ahead of New Year set some fresh boundaries so no one else can assume.

Viviennemary · 18/12/2023 17:28

Of course you should do it. Only half an hour trip.

grumpycow1 · 18/12/2023 17:28

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 17:13

unfortunately December is my husband’s busiest time of year which is why he isn’t helping with any of the prep.

This is the first year we are hosting so there is no precedent around me giving lifts on Xmas day. When we host dinner parties / other family events etc I have never driven anyone home, they have always made their own way to and from our house - and when we’ve been hosted we have always made our own travel arrangements. Taxis are available on Xmas day, they just don’t want to pay for one

So he can’t cook or wash up on the day?? 🤔

KVick · 18/12/2023 17:30

Oscarlimadelta1 · 18/12/2023 17:25

They are being hosted for dinner, the least they can do is get a Taxi or your DH can take and drop them off. being a non drinker does not mean that you should host and provide taxi service on Christmas day. Ignore all those people that say that they would do it. Such entitlement to a non drinkers time!

Exactly this!!

Cherrysoup · 18/12/2023 17:31

I’d pick them up, but don’t think I’d be dropping them back if it’s late, they’re adults, they’ll cope getting a taxi. Can’t your Dh pick them up? He may be busy, but presumably he’s off for at least the day, why can’t he go and get them and do meal prep?

Namechangenamechange321 · 18/12/2023 17:32

I’d voted YABU as assumed no taxis available. Now I see there are taxis I’m changing it to yanbu

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