AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

[Netball01]

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

I think most people would be worn out and I don’t think people should be driving when worn out. I don’t see why ILS can't order a taxi or drink much less. I would be very cross with my husband if he was pressuring me to do this on top of hosting.
For the last few years we have gone to one of our children on Christmas Day. My husband has usually just had a couple of glasses of wine and stopped drinking for a few hours before driving home. This year we are staying in an hotel which we will walk to.
Drinking as much as you want and getting someone else to drive you home is so good for you and also so inconsiderate!

Give them a lift home fairly early on so you can get back and crack open the Bailey’s.

Is "teetotal" different from someone who just doesn't drink?

Of course give them a lift. Why be so difficult

DH picks PILs up. DH washes up and tidies the kitchen whilst you PILs home. I know it's a pain but make sure DH does his fair share of the chores as well.

The expectation might miff me but then I would never have fallen into the "I do all the drudgery" trap anyway.

Agree that during the half hour that'll be plenty of time for him to do the washing up and get the kitchen all cleared up so you can enjoy the day as well.

🙄
Gosh, you are fun.

Yabu

Just say you’ll have enough to do with hosting and you want to be able to relax.

Could they stay overnight?

Edit // Ok just read your update OP:

I do all the prep, cleaning, present buying etc before christmas. My husband sorts the drinks for everyone but otherwise I do all the cooking and washing up etc

Well you’re in a bit of shit relationship with a giant man baby and I can understand why you feel put upon! I’d say to DH that this year you will be taxi service and get the drinks but it’s his turn to cook and wash up. I wouldn’t say it’s for your ILs to help as guests, but they have clearly raised a horrid lazy arse, so it is kind of their fault too.

other than the above issues, I wouldn’t think twice to give a 15 min lift to someone when other transport methods aren’t available like Xmas day.

If you have dc then lifts are multiple times a day for many. It is a one-off I would give the lift.

@Netball01

I assume your DH doesn't drive? Because unless there's a medical reason he can't drive, I'd be telling him he has a year to get his license so he can ferry his own parents around because I won't be doing it next year.

If I weren't hosting I don't suppose I'd have a problem with driving them as long as they understood they were on MY timetable for arriving/leaving. But if I'm doing ALL the Xmas dinner prep/serve/cleanup I would be less than happy with the assumption that I'd drop everything to chauffeur them. I'd make sure DH did his share of the prep and cooking and that they did their share of the cleanup duties as 'payment' for the lift. I'd be damned if I'd be their chauffeur AND the kitchen skivvy, too.

Why are you choosing now to make a stand ? Why you’re in laws and not someone else like a friend or another family member.

if you don’t want to don’t, but it not nice, but your choice, maybe dh can stay sober and he can drop them. Depends on the give and take in your relationships.

I'm doing exactly the same for my parents. They live about the same distance away and want to drink. I'm cooking for everyone and won't be drinking, and I would not expect any kind of financial contribution from family at Christmas.

It doesn't feel like a big deal. One of the grown up DC will probably pick them up in the morning.

right, time to allocate those jobs to everybody, with the lightest load on you, as you are driving.

pouring drinks isn't even half a task!

they shouldn't have assumed, but the real issue is they are all doing naff all.

I would do it. I’ve often been the driver on Christmas Day. If im not drinking it’s no bother and 30 mins is nothing really

I would give the lift but only on the basis DH does the clearing up and washing up

For such a short journey, I would give them a lift. It's Christmas, after all ......

Stop being such a martyr - get them to help. Is there any reason your DH can’t peel potatoes or load a dishwasher? There’s no reason you can’t ask the in laws to make and bring a pudding.

Or just stop.

Stop.

It sounds like you’re the only one who cares about it. Tell your DH if he wants a family Christmas then he has to prep and deliver it.

I am a very minimal drinker so often don’t drink when going out to save on taxi costs . I quite often offer to pick up and drop off my friends . However I tend to find I’m normally ready for my bed way before the drinkers but have to wait for them all to be ready . No one ever offers to drive instead.

I don't drink and I am getting fed up with the assumption I'll drive everyone around at every event. It sounds minimal, but a couple of half hour round trips every occasion adds up to loads of wasted hours each year that I could spend enjoying the events.
Alcohol seems to be a priority over inconveniencing the non-drinkers in the group.
I don't drink out of choice because I would rather be able to drive myself around, hate inconveniencing others and like to be in control of my faculties. I could drink if I wanted to. Might just start pretending to be a drinker again at this rate, just to get away from the lift requests 🤔

These aren't people who are stuck in the middle of nowhere or with no options open to them. They want to take full advantage of the OP's hospitality to the extreme and don't appear to give a toss about her getting to enjoy Christmas.

Why is the concept of one of them staying sober so unacceptable ?

The OP isn't a miserable sod just because she's not willing to tend to what is a desire rather than a need for her guests.

“I do all the prep, cleaning, present buying etc before christmas. My husband sorts the drinks for everyone but otherwise I do all the cooking and washing up etc”

This sounds wrong. Why does your husband do nothing? As a PP said, this is surely your real problem. And everyone knows - if you the cooking, someone else washes up. How does your H get away with such laziness?

I’d give them a lift and expect DH to wash up whilst I was out.

why are you letting your husband do nothing? Have you spoken to him about it?

have you asked your in laws to help? It can be a hard balancing act when at other people’s home.