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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

673 replies

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 15:47

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

OP posts:
Reesescheeses · 20/12/2023 07:53

Unless there is some massive big story about why you are teetotal this is a lesson not to announce it. You can just be ‘not a big drinker’ without advertising that you are already always sober enough to drive.

GMsAWinner · 20/12/2023 07:53

I wouldn't want to drive them back either - this is due to the fact I know I'm always really tired over Christmas and wouldn't want to turn out after hosting. Having said that, I'd offer to make a temporary bed up for them so no one has to worry. Just because you don't drink, doesn't mean you should have to give lifts. If DH wants them to have a drink that much and for someone to give them a lift, why can't he do it?

Reesescheeses · 20/12/2023 07:55

At least look at it as an opportunity to get rid of them a bit early as you’re in charge of their leaving time!

How completely awful of your husband not to even help with the dishes

Goodlard · 20/12/2023 08:00

GMsAWinner · 20/12/2023 07:53

I wouldn't want to drive them back either - this is due to the fact I know I'm always really tired over Christmas and wouldn't want to turn out after hosting. Having said that, I'd offer to make a temporary bed up for them so no one has to worry. Just because you don't drink, doesn't mean you should have to give lifts. If DH wants them to have a drink that much and for someone to give them a lift, why can't he do it?

These are her in laws. I think they'd know if she is tee total or not!

Mikimoto · 20/12/2023 08:06

Just print off a DIY "taxi-voucher", and that's their present on Xmas day.

Coolhwip · 20/12/2023 08:09

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 16:28

@ThequalityoftheReps

I do all the prep, cleaning, present buying etc before christmas. My husband sorts the drinks for everyone but otherwise I do all the cooking and washing up etc

My In laws don’t help at all.

Why are you inviting your in laws for Christmas if your husband refuses even to do the washing up?

There is a power imbalance in your relationship.

It sounds like both DH and the in laws see you as the skivvy.

Coolhwip · 20/12/2023 08:10

Goodlard · 20/12/2023 08:00

These are her in laws. I think they'd know if she is tee total or not!

Show quote history

I can’t see where GM has said the in laws don’t know OP’s teetotal.

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 20/12/2023 08:14

Give them a lift.

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 20/12/2023 08:16

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 16:28

@ThequalityoftheReps

I do all the prep, cleaning, present buying etc before christmas. My husband sorts the drinks for everyone but otherwise I do all the cooking and washing up etc

My In laws don’t help at all.

DH problem

lordloveadog · 20/12/2023 08:24

Yeah, this is a DH problem. You do all the prep, cooking, presents, host all day, and he tells you his parents are expecting a lift home too? He needs to prioritize you and tell them to get a taxi.

Projectme · 20/12/2023 08:27

From your original post I thought you were BU as it's just a 15 min journey but your subsequent updates do put a different spin on it tbh.

It is unfair of them to 'expect' you to drive them home, after you have catered and hosted them for the day. If your DH wants them to have a lift home then he needs to be the one to drive them or he needs to stump up the taxi fare.

Personally, I would NEVER expect anyone to give me a lift if I'd been at their house all day, fed and watered etc so I'd make my own arrangements.

In-laws seem to be very cheeky in their expectations (if they are actually expecting a lift from you? Or was it more like your DH saying 'oh don't worry Mum/Dad about a taxi, @Netball01 will give you a lift...')

2chocolateoranges · 20/12/2023 08:28

YANBU, you are buying the food, the gifts, the decorations, you are cooking the food, doing the dishes and they still expect a lift! Dh can give them a lift if it’s that important to him.

no chance, if they want to drink then they find heir own way home.

PinkBlossompetal · 20/12/2023 08:32

hi, for people saying book a taxi its not that easy on Xmas day and probably very expensive.
In my oppinion I would definitely give a lot if I wasn't drinking, I don't drink alot so I usually end up the driver at these things and if someone asked me for a lift I would say yes 30 mins isn't long. it's a lovely gesture to do for someone especially at Christmas. I'm wondering if you don't get on with your inlaws and feel resentful towards them for some reason because if you liked them I don't think this would be an issue. You never know when you might need a lift from somewhere they might beable to return the favour x

diddl · 20/12/2023 08:32

Baffy11 · 20/12/2023 00:53

Really? YABVU in my opinion. Can't you put yourself out for 30 minutes? You sound full of Christmas cheer....

It sounds as if she will be putting herself out for most of the day!

notacooldad · 20/12/2023 08:34

I would give them a lift.
It's not an issue for me. I'd just factor in the 30 mins to work out what time I wanted to get home for.

PinkBlossompetal · 20/12/2023 08:40

an update to my previous message as I have read some more of your messages.
your darling Husband can wash up whilst you drive the Inlaws home then you won't feel like it's all on you. share the jobs out a bit. x

Madameprof · 20/12/2023 08:40

It's not really a terrible hardship to give them a lift. Them assuming you will without asking is a bit rude tho.

itsgettingweird · 20/12/2023 08:47

I'm teetotal and would do it.

Both my parents drank but we did that trip every Xmas to collect my dads mum and bring her to ours for the afternoon Xmas day.

They just had a drink after 🤷‍♀️

This year my dad is staying at my brothers house so he can have a drink (they have a spare room) and my sister and I will drive (she does drink but won't!) my brother lives 45 mins drive away from us all.

For me it's more important to spend time with family but if they could come and not drink or 1 not drink or have a glass of wine with dinner and drive a few hours later I don't see it as an issue that you feel they should.

itsgettingweird · 20/12/2023 08:50

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 17:41

The reason my husband won’t be the one to give a lift is because he wants to drink too!

Re would I do it for my parents - we have hosted them for Xmas in the past and they have always booked a taxi without any discussion as they feel 12+hours of hosting is enough for me to do !!

I guess everyone sees it differently, and as I said when I’m already in the car I’m happy to give lifts but to make a journey late on Xmas night when I’ve hosted all day doesn’t feel fair for the sake of a taxi fare.

See - this is where driving them home could be to your advantage.

Offer a lift at X time. Make it a time that suits. Tell them in advance.

If that doesn't suit them then they get a taxi.

toomuchfaff · 20/12/2023 08:50

Far more likely that chore would be overcome with chatting... amd OP would come back to a load of pots as well by sounds of it..

Everyone saying "I'd do it" is not the same as being EXPECTED to do it as well as hosting, shopiing and all the rest that goes into a Christmas dinner.. logistics shouldn't be the host problem, especially as if they did drink it'd be a non issue. Its presumption and annoying as hell after spending live as everyones taxi. Who goes somewhere at Christmas and expects the host to give them a lift home? I know I don't...

LondonLass91 · 20/12/2023 08:51

Why can't they get a cab? Why should you have to go out on a cold night after hosting all day to drive them home? I actually think it's very rude of them to expect it and not to simply book a cab. Everyone on here saying 'take them home' clearly never has to do this. Not drinking doesn't mean you become a cab!

pizzaHeart · 20/12/2023 08:53

Backtoreality1 · 18/12/2023 15:51

If they asked I would do so with pleasure - however, if there was an expectation without even consulting me, then it would be a straight refusal!

I agree with this^. I hate this sort of innocent assuming. However it might play in your favour- you will dictate what time they leave.

IVbumble · 20/12/2023 08:56

Maybe agree with your DH that you'll give them a lift home whilst he does all the cleaning up afterwards. Drive s l o w l y.

skyeisthelimit · 20/12/2023 08:57

YABU as its 30 minutes.

YANBU to want help on the day from them and your DH. I would ask them to help with specific tasks, ie help yourself to drinks MIL and FIL while DH helps me to lay the table/stack the dishwasher etc. Tell him what you want help with. Rope the in-laws in if necessary. Get them to all help carry the dishes through etc.

LaylaLayla1 · 20/12/2023 08:58

I’m hosting my sister and her family this year, I am teetotal and they drink, they live about 15 minutes from me. I wouldn’t dream of asking them to get a taxi home if I am able to take them myself. I also offered to pick them up, but they have said they will drive to mine, leave the car and I will drive them home.