AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

[Netball01]

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

Well this is clearly not about the lift, but everything else. If you don't want to host, speak up and cancel. Nobody will ever understand how much you do for others if you're not clear about it. Your husband doing practically nothing is a big problem. If he's busy, he should either sort some help (like cleaner) or cancel plans that are arduous on you. Stop going out of your way for others, you're making yourself a bitter martyr. Yes it might rock the boat but now is the time to rock it for your own wellbeing.
❤️

Obviously I’m in the minority here but I’m with you. Why are they expecting you to drive them? If your husband is so insistent on the two of you helping his parents get home then he should be paying for their taxi back since they’re saying they don’t want to pay for one or he can drive them himself. You’re the one hosting, why should you be the one driving too? And I read the comment that it’s your husband’s busy season, which is fine, but he can limit his drinking and drive them himself if he’s that pressed about it.

I would state very clearly to DH that you were busy with Christmas prep. He can hold off on drinking and drive his own family home. His family = his problem.
OR… accidentally forget to buy any alcohol at all and have a dry Christmas.

Very mean of you to not want to drop them off, it's not exactly a massive effort.

I do all the prep, cleaning, present buying etc before christmas. My husband sorts the drinks for everyone but otherwise I do all the cooking and washing up etc

So, the good news is that this year, he will get a good 30min start on the washing up etc before you get back. In fact, dawdle, and give him a good hour to get through the majority😁.

Seriously, you’d have to really hate people not to do a 30min drive as that’s nothing, and as I said, make very clear to DH that you will come back to a tidied place in return.

This.

DH is teetotal, ned drive them home while I tidied up.
Honestly don’t understand what the problem is.. it’s 30 minutes. Taxis are so expensive, especially at this time of year.

This.

But I am now going to read all of @Netball01's posts to hopefully find out what her real problem with her in-laws is.

I would do it for a 30 min round trip. My family live one hour 20 mins each way, that’s a different story!

YANBU.
It’s your DH turn to put some effort in for Christmas day
Enjoy the time relaxing after you’ve worked hard to prepare the meal and organise presents

Tell them to walk

Are you sure that at some point DH hasn’t said to them “Don’t worry about driving , Netball will give you a lift home “ . My DH does this kind of stuff all the time.

They shouldn’t just assume…but it’s not unreasonable of them to hope for a lift, or for you to give them one. It’s 15 minutes, not 2 hours.

Last Christmas I drove 15 minutes to pick up a friend, drove 30 minutes to drop her at work, then drove back the way I’d just come about 45 minutes to start my Christmas Day with family so she could spend the morning at her home with her teenage kids. I didn’t need to do any of that, but I didn’t want her to have to stay in a hotel as she wouldn’t have been able to get to work without it costing an arm and a leg/being difficult.

Yes, taxis exist. But some areas they will be few and far between on Christmas Day. It’s not the easiest thing to access when a lot of people are busy with family.

I believe in giving lifts to people I care about, especially because I don’t drink, it’s an easy “sacrifice” to make to ensure people I love get home safely, etc.

Personally I would, 15 mins isn’t far.

I get that after the dinner the day is meant to be all about chilling out but it’s nothing in terms of distance and meant to be the season of goodwill. Are you just annoyed it was assumed?

Also it’s not always easy to get a taxi on Christmas Day. I would take them, but if it was me wanting the lift I’d personally let the host know I was booking a taxi. If host said no it’s fine I don’t drink I’ll take you home then I’d be purchasing an extra gift as a thank you. Assuming is rude, but if you’re sober then it does always end up falling to the sober person. Ask your husband not to drink I guess is another option, given it’s his family. He may then pay for the taxi for them. I know I’d feel bad sitting there sober knowing I could drive them and they are paying double fare

No! If you’re hosting and cooking and they’ve just got to sit there, absolutely not! You have a drink as you’re doing all the hard work. They’re his parents let him drive, or let them drive!

She’s teetotal!

Damn, no honest explanation forthcoming.

Even though I do think you are being very mean-spirited to not want to drive a 30 minute round journey on Christmas evening, I also think that you need to stop martyring yourself on Christmas Day - you really need to put your foot down over this!

For many years I was the one who thought about, ordered, shopped, prepared and cooked the Christmas Dinner. I was also the present getter, but my DH at least shared the wrapping with me.
I never did the washing-up. Washing-up was shared between what adults were there, ie my husband, my parents, and my MiL, I left it up to them to sort out who was doing what. If anyone wanted sandwiches later I would make them as well (my DH might have helped with buttering the bread if he hadn't also fallen asleep in a chair! My husband was the main drink provider and server.

I would rest between the end of Christmas dinner and the sandwich supper, which was usually about 5 to 6 hours, depending on everyone elses hunger levels. My rest may have included me watching TV with the rest of the family (or the DC playing with their toys - depending how young they were), and us all playing board games, or later on in the day doing a quiz. But nearly every Christmas Day included me going upstairs for a nap, while DH watched/played with the children, and the Grandparents fell asleep in front of the TV!

OP you really must should insist that you get some free time after "the" Lunch, to do what you need and want to do for yourself - whether that be having a nap, having a long soak in the bath (if you have a seperate loo), or going for a nice brisk walk, or even a slow meander 😉. If the others refuse to help then please just refuse to host anyone but your own young children. It would probably be quite helpful for you if you have this commitment from the adults promised before the big Day itself...

If you are tired of the hosting, all the prep, cleaning and etc tell them to get a taxi. How much could be a 15 min taxi?

Yabvu.

Getting a taxi on Christmas day is difficult and very expensive.
I regularly don't drink until guests have gone so we can give grandparents lifts home.

Why is 15 minutes been put as if its a long distance, I'm driving 40 mins each way for my grandparents...its what you do to help people enjoy themselves!

She’s teetotal.

The way they have gone about it is rude but actually you may find it works to your advantage - you can choose when they go home rather than them potentially outstaying their welcome. Say you’re fine to give them a lift but it won’t be too late as you’re not keen on driving at night.

The assumption is the thing that would piss me off. If they asked nicely I wouldn't mind.