Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

673 replies

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 15:47

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

OP posts:
wronginalltherightways · 19/12/2023 22:24

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 16:28

@ThequalityoftheReps

I do all the prep, cleaning, present buying etc before christmas. My husband sorts the drinks for everyone but otherwise I do all the cooking and washing up etc

My In laws don’t help at all.

Tell your husband this is one job HE will be doing or he can explain to HIS parents that they will have to get themselves home.

FFS. I can't believe the number of people who feel you should do even more than you're already doing on Christmas day.

wronginalltherightways · 19/12/2023 22:26

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 17:55

@Anele22 it was just to give context that the only financial contribution for in laws for Xmas day would be the (£30) Taxi fare

IF your DH is refusing to drive his parents home, then tell him to book them a taxi/uber and pay for it.

You are doing way more than your share on the day as it is.

Allyliz · 19/12/2023 22:32

Sounds OK to me but I'd be setting the time they're going in advance..9 o'clock deadline so you can be home by 9.30 to chill .... you have the power 🤣🤣🤣

Sjh15 · 19/12/2023 22:36

L

ThreeLittleGirls · 19/12/2023 22:40

I think the people saying you’re being unreasonable are people who drink tbh. I totally get it! I’m not teetotal but rarely drink and I get this too. Sometimes it’s fair enough, but other times people should be able to make the effort themselves rather than put you out. You’re already hosting and cooking them food and organising all that, you’ll be exhausted so you may even be too tired to drive. I’m a bit more flexible on the not drinking, so I’d just say I was going to have a couple of champagnes or mulled wines since it’s Christmas 😂 but maybe you’d be better off just saying you’ll actually be really tired and you don’t think it’ll be safe to drive. You could offer to book them a taxi maybe?

Allyliz · 19/12/2023 22:41

Saying December is your husbands busiest time of year is not an excuse for him to be a lazy bum....it takes very little effort to hoover, peel veg, wash up..oh all the things most people just get on with. He sounds like a pampered child...tell him to get off his arse and step it up a bit

SallyWD · 19/12/2023 22:57

If I wasn't drinking I'd do it. I'd have offered

Julimia · 19/12/2023 23:00

Season of goodwill and all that?

CurlewKate · 19/12/2023 23:13

@wronginalltherightways ". I can't believe the number of people who feel you should do even more than you're already doing on Christmas day."

I don't think she should be doing more. I think she should be doing less and her other half should be doing a lot more. I still think that giving the lift is, apart from anything else, the easiest job goes by!

CurlewKate · 19/12/2023 23:14

*easiest job going.

VegemiteOnToast · 19/12/2023 23:17

I was going to say YABU, but if your husband is doing absolutely nothing except pouring drinks, sod that, he needs to drive or seriously lift his weight with hosting.

Teledeluxe · 19/12/2023 23:19

YANBU. DH should volunteer as he sees no problem with it. I’d hate running about after drunks.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 19/12/2023 23:50

If you don't want to do it then tell them to get a taxi home but ask husband to collect them to bring them to yours.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 19/12/2023 23:52

Why can't your husband tidy up and help with washing up as you are doing absolutely everything. That is not fair as you should be handed a nice cuppa after dinner and be able to relax and not have to start into dishes/clearing up. He has to help out and tell him to collect them in morning and let them get a taxi home.

HMW1906 · 19/12/2023 23:53

We hosted both sets of parents and BIL/SIL for Christmas last year, I was pregnant. I refused to be a taxi service for any of them even though I obviously wasn’t drinking. I wanted to be able to relax and spend time with my older son, not spend the day waiting for someone to tell me they wanted to go home.

Mummytotheboy · 19/12/2023 23:59

I don't drink so it wouldn't bother me. If it was a really long journey then I'd expect a bit of money towards the fuel but 15 mins isn't going to be far. Also a taxi on Christmas day is going to be expensive. I wouldn't hesitate on giving my inlaws a lift. They leave when I say I'm driving them home!

Ohpleeeease · 20/12/2023 00:05

YANBU. Your DH is. His parents, his responsibility.

FloofyKat · 20/12/2023 00:15

Hmmm. Have they asked you if you would be willing? if so, I’d be inclined to say yes. Especially if generally you have a good relationship with them
if they have just assumed, then that’s rather cheeky and your DH should point this out to them. Perhaps, as their son, he’d like to be their chauffeur for the day?

I see you say you are doing all the cooking etc.If you are doing all the donkey work then I’d politely decline to drive as that would be unfair, and your DH should a) do more to host and b) tell his parents it isn’t fair to expect you to be driving them around. It’s your Christmas too!

If you do end up taking them, look on the bright side: you can decide exactly how long they are going to spend in your house!!

Welshmonster · 20/12/2023 00:46

I think after hosting all day you are entitled to sit and relax with whatever drink you like. Set the expectation now that you are not cooking all day and doing washing up. Allocate them all tasks. Also say a time that the lift will be as what if they stay til 2am?
this would annoy me even though it’s close. I think it’s because you aren’t drinking it makes it ok to assume you are happy to give lifts for free.

Baffy11 · 20/12/2023 00:53

Really? YABVU in my opinion. Can't you put yourself out for 30 minutes? You sound full of Christmas cheer....

Straightupmom · 20/12/2023 00:54

Is it £30 for the usual journey? Because on Xmas day taxi drivers, anywhere I’ve ever lived, charge triple time, so that would make it £90

FoxyLocksie · 20/12/2023 01:01

In your position, OP, I wouldn't hesitate to give the in-laws a lift. After all, it's only just down the road (a mere 15 minutes drive away), so it's hardly putting you out is it. What is your objection to giving them a lift?

MrsSkylerWhite · 20/12/2023 01:02

30 minute round trip?

Are you required urgently elsewhere?

Or are you expecting someone to say why doesn’t your husband drive them home? Is he an alcoholic? LTB.

So. You all have a pleasant day. You drive them home. He cleans up whilst you do so and you have a pleasant evening together, cheese and biscuits, feet up in front of the telly

What’s the problem?

MermaidMummy06 · 20/12/2023 01:23

I'd make it clear I expect to be asked personally. Or I wouldn't do it.

I'd also make an agreement with DH that he can hold of drinking and pick them up while you prep the meal etc., then he can clean up while you take them home (and it had better get done).

It has to be equal. I've stopped doing everything I'm expected to do and now expect an equal split or I won't do anything!

mrsclaus1984 · 20/12/2023 01:27

I wouldn’t have an issue with giving them a lift, but the expectation of one, without asking, would get my back up!

Swipe left for the next trending thread