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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

673 replies

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 15:47

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

OP posts:
Delatron · 19/12/2023 11:45

EnjoyingTheSilence · 19/12/2023 11:28

I’m also surprised by the vote. So you’ve been hosting all day, they do nothing to help and then you have to drive them home. Oh and you’ve been told this, not even asked. Screw that.

If your dh is desperate for them not to get a taxi, he can drive. He can always have a drink after he’s taken them home. Why does everyone else get to relax and unwind but you don’t.

I think a lot of people voted before we had the information that the DH does not help with any of the Christmas prep or any of the cooking or cleaning on Christmas Day. Neither do the in-laws. This is unusual for one person to do everything. I call for a revote!

Menomeno · 19/12/2023 11:46

I’m literally on my knees with exhaustion by late afternoon on Christmas Day after two long days of prep/cooking. I wouldn’t want to have to leave the house to take people home. Once dinner is eaten my feet finally are put up!

RobinsNesting · 19/12/2023 11:51

@Netball01
As someone who also dosent drink. If I'm hosting dinner in my home then NO I would not be giving lifts to anyone on christmas day. When guests go home I get my kids to myself, just because I don't drink doesn't mean I'm "free" to drive. Chances are I want to cuddle up on the couch with my feet up. I wouod be incredibly miffed if someone offered or expected me to go driving folk home.

If I was going to someone's place for Christmas Dinner then yes I then would be happy to drop people home, multiple trips if necessary because I would already be on the road that day.

I'm sorry you have found yourself in this position.

diddl · 19/12/2023 11:52

I am very shocked the poll says yabu,

I voted YANBU even before the explanation of Op doing everything.

I'm not surprised by the vote as so many people attach so much importance to being able to drink on CD & therefore by extension if you don't why wouldn't you just be a taxi for everyone else?

Neither IL are willing to not drink, husband isn't willing to not drink...

Bananabreadandstrawberries · 19/12/2023 12:15

@Netball01

Why don’t you say this year you are letting your hair out and getting smashed for once! So don’t count on you ;)

Kewcumber · 19/12/2023 12:22

yes lazy arse DH is new information - I also call for a revote!

Mind you they are not "guests" they are your DH's parents and it IS CHristmas day but I would defintiely add caveats of "no later than 8pm, after that i'm getting in my jim-jams" - frankly who wants visitors any later than that on Xmas day. And give DH a list of his tasks for the day now.

My OH works 12 hour days in the four days up to 23rd Dec when you add in eating, walking dog and driving to/from work it's just not reasonable to think he's going to do much beforehand but he will absolutely be peeling veg, cooking meat, laying table, putting rubbosh out tidying up and generally anything he can think of to make my life (OUR life!) easier.

Sproutier · 19/12/2023 12:25

diddl · 19/12/2023 11:52

I am very shocked the poll says yabu,

I voted YANBU even before the explanation of Op doing everything.

I'm not surprised by the vote as so many people attach so much importance to being able to drink on CD & therefore by extension if you don't why wouldn't you just be a taxi for everyone else?

Neither IL are willing to not drink, husband isn't willing to not drink...

I think th answer would be different if OP could just ask people who have had a lifetime of being taken for granted to this extent.

DarkDuvet · 19/12/2023 12:26

I’d probably offer a lift, but at a time convenient to me, not when I’m all settled on the sofa after a full on day.

then they can choose early home or pay taxi

Bananabreadandstrawberries · 19/12/2023 12:26

”Driving anxiety”!?!

Womencanlift · 19/12/2023 12:46

Payitforward55 · 19/12/2023 11:42

Yes the vote result here is wrong most people have changed their minds when they see the full picture.
OP we are all with you on this one and on your side. ❤️

No we are not all with the OP. I still thinks she is BU. I am not teetotal but have happily not drunk during Christmas Day to drive people home to avoid them paying double fare, that’s if they get a taxi at all. I just wait and have one in the evening when everyone is home

She is also being unreasonable by allowing her husband to sit back and enjoy the day while she does “everything”. Nobody likes a martyr

Nonewclothes2024 · 19/12/2023 12:51

JaceLancs · 18/12/2023 15:48

If you want a drink just say no and suggest they book a taxi in advance

She's teetotal

Nonewclothes2024 · 19/12/2023 12:52

This reply has been deleted

This is a goady troll so we've removed their posts.

So no one should drink because you don't?

Londonrach1 · 19/12/2023 12:58

It's not far, you not drinking...I don't see the problem

usernother · 19/12/2023 13:53

Payitforward55 · 19/12/2023 11:42

Yes the vote result here is wrong most people have changed their minds when they see the full picture.
OP we are all with you on this one and on your side. ❤️

I'm not. I think she should give them a lift.

Waspie · 19/12/2023 14:05

If you're so upset about their lack of contribution why don't you ask them to bring the starter and the wine? Or the Christmas pudding and the crackers? Or something. I would be pissed if they just assumed a lift though, that's not on.

I'm not teetotal but I'm still driving 45-50 minutes each way (i.e. over 3 hours total) to bring my parents to my house for Christmas Day. I obviously won't be drinking. My dad drives but is 81 and doesn't like driving in the dark on motorways anymore, so I will do the driving.

Pinkelephant66 · 19/12/2023 14:13

RedHelenB · 19/12/2023 08:23

It's family. If you can't be generous at Christmas when can you? Bah humbug

Show quote history

It’s not like there is NO OTHER alternative. They can get a taxi. What’s it going to cost? 20/30 quid after being waited on all day. I don’t think that’s unreasonable. It’s her Christmas Day as well!!

IfYouDontAsk · 19/12/2023 14:29

Totally understand that it gets tedious to always be expected to be the taxi service for drinking guests but I don’t think Christmas Day is the right time to put your foot down about it. I couldn’t get worked up about 15 minutes each way and I don’t think it’s worth the bad feeling it could cause.

Whenever this situation comes up again after Christmas I think you’d be within your rights to tell people that you don’t want to be the assumed designated driver anymore, that people should check with you in advance if you’re happy to give a lift and book a taxi if not.

chaosmaker · 19/12/2023 14:40

@Netball01 You're not telling your husband he can't drink. Just that he can do it after he's taken his family home. That is not an unreasonable request. Alcohol is not mandatory except in the brains of some people.

NewYearSil · 19/12/2023 15:00

So you sort all the presents, do all the food shopping and prepping, then all the cooking and cleaning. All Dh does is get the drinks and he expects you to be a taxi for his family. You have a lazy dh problem, he needs to pull his weight as Christmas

Oscarlimadelta1 · 19/12/2023 15:03

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 17:41

The reason my husband won’t be the one to give a lift is because he wants to drink too!

Re would I do it for my parents - we have hosted them for Xmas in the past and they have always booked a taxi without any discussion as they feel 12+hours of hosting is enough for me to do !!

I guess everyone sees it differently, and as I said when I’m already in the car I’m happy to give lifts but to make a journey late on Xmas night when I’ve hosted all day doesn’t feel fair for the sake of a taxi fare.

I can't believe how many people have voted that you are unreasonable. Do not drive, it's your day too. It doesn't matter whether its 10 minutes or 30, choosing not to drink does not mean that your time is suddenly available for others to use. Please don't take them.

diddl · 19/12/2023 15:12

I am not teetotal but have happily not drunk during Christmas Day to drive people home to avoid them paying double fare, that’s if they get a taxi at all. I just wait and have one in the evening when everyone is home

That's fine as it's your choice.

Why can't Op's husband make that choice or one of the ILs?

CurlewKate · 19/12/2023 16:21

"Why can't Op's husband make that choice or one of the ILs?"

He can, of course. But it seems pretty bloody petty to insist on this for the sake of a short drive.

howshouldibehave · 19/12/2023 16:39

If you are buying, prepping, cooking and clearing up all the food, then you don’t have to drive anyone anywhere if you don’t want to! It sounds like they want to let their hair down whilst you do everything else!

Have the in laws actually asked you for a lift, @Netball01 ? Have you said no?

rb124 · 19/12/2023 16:45

As it's a short journey, and you don't drink you wouldn't (IMO) be putting yourself out, so just give them a lift - it's only once a year!

diddl · 19/12/2023 16:55

He can, of course. But it seems pretty bloody petty to insist on this for the sake of a short drive.

But to me it seems ridiculous that none of the three can lay off the drink for the day & then indulge in the evening!

I think as others have said though it's not so much the turning out for half an hour but the expectation.

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