AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

[Netball01]

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

No one else appears willing to be very generous to the OP.

Who knows, but her post sounds bitter about doing 30 mins driving for family and she specifically mentions it a few times.

I don't think she's bitter about the 30 mins ir the drinking but rather the expectations that as she's nit drinking etc that she skivvy all day and also provide a taxi service while everyone else is waited on

Not everyone who drinks gets stinking drunk.

If other people aren't lifting a finger to help out elsewhere then I can see the OPs point of view.

As others have suggested, op should have her downtime while others are clearing up and getting things straight.

They are rude to assume. But I'd have offered and not considered this a cheeky thing for them to ask (I don't drink either).

Getting a taxi on Christmas Day for such a short journey is likely going to be difficult. Where I live it would be literally impossible.

I thought you were going to say its an hour away. 30mins is nothing to give lifts to relatives. I should think most people will be driving people around this Christmas. A lot of my friends and family have older relatives that need a lift. If uts only 15-20 mins no one usually minds.

She will have been cooking, cleaning and hosting for 12 hours.

She shouldn’t have to drive people home after hosting them just so they cam save a few quid on a cab

If anyone’s bitter it’s the people who begrudge paying for a cab after being hosted all day.

I'm currently learning to drive so i can be a free taxi for for my friends and family lol. I'm quite looking forward to it. I'm teetotal too, so it makes sense.

In my area taxis are 4 times as expensive on Christmas day as regular times (same after 6pm on Hogmanny and new years day). So a £30 taxi any other time of year, would be £120 on the 25th. I'd not want my guests paying £30 when it's 15 minutes to drop them off - I'm certainly not expecting them to pay silly money for the same trip.

So they can arrange a taxi then..

Well this is what you need to address. Your H is getting a VERY light load on this and I can see where the expectation of you doing just one more thing has been a bit of a last straw.

you know it’s not a huge deal really to run them back home, especially if you’re not drinking, but it’s everything else on top of this

so speak to your H, give him stuff to do, both for prep and clear up. Make it a deal for you worth having

dont ask, tell him. Peel this, chop that, grate this. Whatever you need to do, make sure he’s doing something

AND make sure the washing up is done while you’re dropping his parents back

OR he can stay sober and drop them back Himself

This is your answer.

They are your DH's parents, so your DH stays on the dry until he sees his parents home.

If that doesn't suit him, they can book a taxi.

Feck that for a game of soldiers. When I was pregnant I didn't drink but my husband did so expected lifts throughout (until I wasn't able to give them any more). I then expected the same for the 9 months after (or whenever we went out). What's good for the goose, is good for the gander! Christmas aside, would they be this presumptuous at any other time of the year - expect but never ask - because I'd be putting a HUGE stop to that.
I'd start getting a headache and be unable to drive them home if they were regulars at presuming that the lift was always available.

Definitely do it. I live outside of town so I am used to dropping off and picking up, 15 mins there and 15mins back is nothing for a happy family event and they would really appreciate if, the fact that you are putting yourself out for them and doing an act of kindness may make you feel good as well as a bonus.

You do all the Christmas prep? Why not tell your husband that you'll do it if he does x that you normally do. You're taking on a task for him so he can swap you. And make it something that has to be done in the run up to Christmas so he can't agree then just not bother.

FWIW, my oh has driving anxiety and it does grate on my last nerve that I’m prepping and cooking for his kids etc and at the last minute he ‘can’t face the drive’

it’s a 5min drive there and back. I get it, anxiety is hideous, am hugely sympathetic but I still get really pissed off that I have to be involved in abso bloody lutely EVERYTHING

So yeah, on the face of it you’re being unreasonable, but YANBU to BU 🤣

Tbh if she's doing all the cooking and cleaning up, she has a DH problem, the problem isn't with people thinking a quick run home won't impact too much. I cook Christmas Dinner cos I'm better at a roast than DH but he clears up, preps veg, distracts DC when they want to "help" and it's really not appropriate, gets the table ready, does any driving required of us that year etc etc etc. If I was left to do it all, I wouldn't do it. But I certainly wouldn't begrudge either set of parents a glass of wine or two with dinner if they wanted it. My family don't get stinking drunk, but also because they don't drunk much normally, they wouldn't drive having had a glass or two. And I would hate the idea of them paying the Christmas day prices for a taxi as the cost of a couple of drinks with their dinner.

I hope you have a nice Christmas and actually do enjoy it. Its like everything the mental load and just thinking about what you have to do is exhausting and stressful but once you are in it things will be better. That DH of yours though needs to step up. If you were in his shoes you would be doing a lot more than him.

If I'm not drinking and they would like a drink, then yes I would absolutely give them a lift. Unless it was like a hour away plus.. As I have 3 little kids (one newborn)

I would treat my in laws, the same as my parents ❤️

Ps I'm not stingy to book a cab, just would always drive my parents. They drove me everywhere as a kid.. I owe them 😂

I get the driving anxiety but why are you prepping and cooking for his children?

I would do this for family at Christmas BUT as a teetotaller there’s nothing more annoying that everyone presuming that you’ll drive them everywhere and even worse - everyone expect you take home any fool who is worse for wear.

I'd do it, but I wondered if the explanation as to why you don't want to would be something like this. Perhaps the answer is to say that yes, you will drop them home, on the understanding that while you are doing that, DH will do all the clearing up - load dishwasher, wash up, stow leftovers, clean surfaces, collect up wrapping paper, etc.

Hi OP!

I am very shocked the poll says yabu, weird. YANBU! I've pulled it back 1% towards your favour, lol.

If you are hosting, I feel you should be able to unwind (as much as hosting allows, that is) and relax. I do appreciate it's an awkward one now, as they clearly have the expectation you will do it simply because you are sober. It is definately your in-laws being presumptuous and rude; they should have at least asked you whether they should get a taxi or if you would be willing to offer a lift.

Although now, you are backed into a bit of a corner as if you decline, then there may be an atmosphere on the day. I personally would discuss with husband and insist either he pays for their £30 taxi fare as they are his parents or have your husband play a much more involved role with the dinner preparation, cooking, waiting/hosting and of course, the clearing up. If he could do that, then it would be a fair compromise all around if you then agreed to drive them home.

Good luck op. Gulp!

I sort of said YABU at first, but I do think if you do end up doing it, it should be at a time that suits you. No way would I be doing it late at night. I often drive my MIL home, but she sensibly asks to leave around 7 or earlier, so that I can relax for the evening

I’m also surprised by the vote. So you’ve been hosting all day, they do nothing to help and then you have to drive them home. Oh and you’ve been told this, not even asked. Screw that.

If your dh is desperate for them not to get a taxi, he can drive. He can always have a drink after he’s taken them home. Why does everyone else get to relax and unwind but you don’t.

It's Christmas where you are hosting in your own home so wouldn't normally be going out driving in the evening.

Will DP or ILs do any of the work for hosting, either in prepping or clearing away? Will you get a chance to put your feet up after the meal before you're being turned out of your cosy house (probably into a rainy evening)?

I'd be inclined to talk through the realities with DP and make it clear that he needs to do a lot of the pre-cleaning, prepping veg etc and to give you a nice cup of tea or other favourite beverage and treat when you get back home if you are to even think about leaving the house after dinner.

Yes the vote result here is wrong most people have changed their minds when they see the full picture.
OP we are all with you on this one and on your side. ❤️