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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

673 replies

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 15:47

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

OP posts:
Everybodylookstheirage · 19/12/2023 05:20

I would do it once they had done all the clearing up.

voiceofreason4663 · 19/12/2023 06:48

I would be actively looking forward to the 15 min drive back after dropping the ILs off...peace and quiet and time to decompress after the day. I hope that DH will be contributing to the hosting of the day or looking after any DC whilst you are out though. As for the ILs, it's one day and I am sure that they will appreciate not having the hassle of not trying to find a cooperative/available/reliable/expensive on CD taxi...brownie points in the bag for you, too.

Crafthead · 19/12/2023 07:19

Just book them a taxi.

Lifestooshort71 · 19/12/2023 07:27

PastelHouses · Yesterday 15:50

I’m teetotal and I would also say no. I wouldn’t be party to them drinking.

What!!!

Anyway, OP, having read your posts I've changed my mind. YANBU to refuse. I'd tell DH to sort it out with them (his parents after all) and then they can decide on a taxi or him not drinking - just take yourself out of the options but it's his difficult conversation to have, not yours. Put your feet up and relax instead.

Goodlard · 19/12/2023 07:30

This reply has been deleted

This is a goady troll so we've removed their posts.

A sanctimonious teetotal!

YABU OP, it's not far.

Zevitevitchofcrimas · 19/12/2023 07:32

I'm with you op.
Like you said, you are hosting and now taxi driver to boot..

Where is your down time.

Why can't they book a professional driver?

Daffodilsandtuplips · 19/12/2023 07:35

I would give them a lift for two reasons: 1) it’s only a 30 minute round trip.
2) The person offering the lift can control the narrative on when they leave. I’m sure you can think of a way to let them know you’ll be be happy to drop them off …but at a time to suit you. Don’t want to out too late, want to miss the pub chuck out time, want to be back in time for kids bedtime. 6pm sounds about right.

123sunshine · 19/12/2023 07:43

It’s miserable as a drinker not being able to drink Christmas Day. My husband has no choice but to collect his elderly mother to come to ours on Xmas day which is an hour round trip then will have to repeat to drop her home. She won’t stay as can’t manage the stairs. I would drive you in laws if I was a non drinker. It’s not even a long journey. I would however take them home on your timescales (probably early)

Pluviophile1 · 19/12/2023 07:43

I have also changed my mind after reading your updates.

I would only provide a lift on the basis that:

  • your DH gets off his backside and shares the workload on the day (food prep, cooking, child care, washing up).
  • they leave at a time of your choosing, ideally before 8pm.

Any pushback on this from your DH or inlaws before Christmas or on the day would lead to a revocation of the offer of a lift. A hard 'no, f**k off, sort a taxi out'.

Coolhwip · 19/12/2023 07:44

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 18/12/2023 16:16

One of us always collected and dropped off the grandparents when I still lived at home. My dad usually did the pick up while mum was prepping lunch and my mum the drop off while dad washed up, but as soon as I and my siblings could drive we were in the rotation too. Given the weather being unpredictable, the fact they wanted to be able to have a little drink if they fancied and just that they've done their hosting and running around over Christmas, it was just what we did. You sound a bit bitter about being tee total tbh. I don't drink and I usually offer to drive.

Bitter about not being a stinking drunk? Why would OP be bitter?

Coolhwip · 19/12/2023 07:47

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 17:41

The reason my husband won’t be the one to give a lift is because he wants to drink too!

Re would I do it for my parents - we have hosted them for Xmas in the past and they have always booked a taxi without any discussion as they feel 12+hours of hosting is enough for me to do !!

I guess everyone sees it differently, and as I said when I’m already in the car I’m happy to give lifts but to make a journey late on Xmas night when I’ve hosted all day doesn’t feel fair for the sake of a taxi fare.

absolutely tell them they need to book a cab.

or tell dh he needs to not drink so he can drop them.

it’s their expectation that is entitled, OP. Don’t let them get away with it.

And tell H he needs to hist his his parents and cook for them,

Valeriekat · 19/12/2023 08:04

They should ask very very nicely and someone else should do the cooking and tidying. Still think it is cheeky!

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 19/12/2023 08:07

I'd probably do it.
My dmum recently said " I don't know why you don't have a drink at Christmas"
Cos I have to drive you home dear!

Pepsipasta · 19/12/2023 08:09

I don't drink either but I very often offer to pick up and take people so they can enjoy a drink. Why wouldn't I? Especially if it's only going to take 30 mins.

howshouldibehave · 19/12/2023 08:14

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 16:28

@ThequalityoftheReps

I do all the prep, cleaning, present buying etc before christmas. My husband sorts the drinks for everyone but otherwise I do all the cooking and washing up etc

My In laws don’t help at all.

Then, they are taking the piss-sounds like a pretty crap day for you all round!

Has your husband offered your services for a lift or have they asked him? Just assumed?

The fact that they didn’t have the common courtesy to ask, would make me say no.

Socksey · 19/12/2023 08:15

@Netball01 I might be inclined to tell DH that you would but he's doing all the cleanup....
That seems more than fair here.... rather than what seems to be the current expectation that you would provide the lift plus all the drudgery

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/12/2023 08:15

I think they’re U and you’re not.

If you’ve hosted all day, you want to relax and not have to go out.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/12/2023 08:16

Or else your husband pitches in ALOT more on the day, so you’re less tired

RedHelenB · 19/12/2023 08:17

StrictlyComeSnoozing · 18/12/2023 15:49

I think you sound unduly hostile about it really. I'm not drinking and have just offered to pick people up and drop them off so they can freely enjoy a drink. It would feel awfully strange not to offer.

This. 30 mins isn't much time to give up on Christmas day.

Mumof2teens79 · 19/12/2023 08:19

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 17:55

@Anele22 it was just to give context that the only financial contribution for in laws for Xmas day would be the (£30) Taxi fare

If this is the first year hosting how do you know your inlaws won't contribute anything?? And you will do everything?

I understand that you resent the expectation but one minute you are saying when you host dinner parties you don't transport people, but you are fed up of all the times you have had to drop people off?

I would never expect a friend to do this but most of my friends would offer, and if I am driving and not drinkng then I offer.
It's not like we all get in the car and I am shocked to find out they don't live on my street.

My suspicion here is that either your OH has offered your services OR they have politely asked (and he said yes) so no "expectation" at all. It just makes sense.

SpringingJoy · 19/12/2023 08:20

I thought you were going to say they live an hour or more away.

I also don't drink and whilst I might be very mildly grumpy about this, I can't imagine kicking up a fuss and saying 'no thank you, spend 50 quid on a taxi instead'.

It's 15 minutes away. The roads will be absolutely dead, you'll fly there and back.

I'd tell dh I was willing to do it but he could get tidied up in the half hour I was gone/do the dishes or whatever.

RedHelenB · 19/12/2023 08:23

Pinkelephant66 · 18/12/2023 16:12

Hosting all day (ant expense to you) and then just expected to do lifts (also at expense to you? No yanbu

It's family. If you can't be generous at Christmas when can you? Bah humbug

Maray1967 · 19/12/2023 08:24

Make it clear to your DH that you are either relaxing after dinner while he does all the washing up OR you’ll relax after washing up and won’t be driving anywhere. His choice.

Maray1967 · 19/12/2023 08:25

Do NOT say you’ll drive them while he washes up later unless you know he will definitely do it and not slope off to the loo for half an hour.

Coolhwip · 19/12/2023 08:26

RedHelenB · 19/12/2023 08:23

It's family. If you can't be generous at Christmas when can you? Bah humbug

Show quote history

OP is generously hosting and paying for Christmas to which the in laws are making zero contribution.

The least in laws can do is pay for their own cab.