Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

673 replies

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 15:47

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

OP posts:
Knittedfairies2 · 18/12/2023 18:24

I too would have preferred to have been asked, rather than voluntold. On the other hand, if you drive them you get to decide when they go home.

RaininSummer · 18/12/2023 18:40

Seems a bit mean OP and it least it means they will leave when you want them to.

AcrossthePond55 · 18/12/2023 18:54

RaininSummer · 18/12/2023 18:40

Seems a bit mean OP and it least it means they will leave when you want them to.

Mean? I don't think so! The 'mean' one is her husband who won't drive his own parents because he wants to drink.

Wellhellooooodear · 18/12/2023 19:01

This reply has been deleted

This is a goady troll so we've removed their posts.

You sound a hoot

LumpyandBumps · 18/12/2023 19:04

I enjoy a few glasses of wine, but can also easily not drink alcohol.

Whilst if I wasn’t drinking I would probably give them the lift home, I do see why you might not want to turn out into the cold and drive.

I very much dislike driving in the dark and the thought of it makes me nervous. I would not be able to properly relax and enjoy my Christmas knowing I had to drive later.

Several people have commented along the lines of doing it if you are not drinking anyway.

I think not wanting to give them a lift is an equally valid reason not to do it than being unable to do so as you want to have a drink.

The assumption by a lazy partner that I would play taxi driver to his parents, because he thinks his choice to drink is more important than my choice to have a relaxing time might, make me re think the whole relationship.

BonjourCrisette · 18/12/2023 19:11

Half an hour round trip really isn't a lot. But you will have had a very busy day so I suggest that your husband either

a) pulls his weight on the day in terms of cooking and washing up etc so you aren't exhausted at the end of the day (and you get to pick when they leave since you are driving)
b) doesn't drink so he can drive them at whatever time suits him
or c) pays for a taxi home for them

If I were you, any of these would seem reasonable to me.

Tigertigertigertiger · 18/12/2023 19:15

Give them a lift !

ChampagneLassie · 18/12/2023 19:16

I’m 100% with you.Given everything you’ve said I think it’s on your DH to sort this out and definitely not make it a blame you. Ie either he pays for taxi or tells his parents to sort themselves out as you’re doing more than enough. If money is tight then perhaps shock horror one of them doesn’t drink and drives instead! Honestly I think they’re CFs

MaggieFS · 18/12/2023 19:32

Right then. You saying you do everything and they do nothing made it sound like there was precedence.

If this is the first time you've hosted Christmas, and especially if your parents would pay for a tacit YOU decide NOW how YOU want the day to run and tell them. Whether they do the washing up or financially contribute, you allocate the tasks.

Mydietstartstomorrow · 18/12/2023 19:33

This reply has been deleted

This is a goady troll so we've removed their posts.

No how awful that is people drinking on Christmas Day 🙄 You sound so much fun

Im having to drive family on Christmas Day and would have liked a drink but will wait till the evening after I’ve dropped home. If I was teetotal I would do it willingly. Clearly no Christmas spirit in your household!

Sproutier · 18/12/2023 19:44

Suchapain · 18/12/2023 18:19

In your shoes I would do it, but insist that DH does ALL the clearing up / washing up etc. To be honest he should be doing this anyway, as you'll be doing all the prep, cooking etc. But especially if he's volunteering your taxi service, he has to do everything else. Everything.

This.

It's not just this one time, it's a lifetime of people presuming. Basically your DH should be finding a way to make this work for you whether that's this, him paying for a taxi, telling your parents "no", some other indication that he is doing a shade better than just taking you for granted.

LadyBird1973 · 18/12/2023 20:26

Lots of people are just in December but they can't just opt out of Christmas prep and leave it all to their spouse. And offer up said spouse as a taxi!
If you don't want to do it, tell them you don't want to be driving in Christmas Day and they need to book a taxi or one of them stay sober!

LadyBird1973 · 18/12/2023 20:27

Shoes say 'lots of people are busy in December'

Daffyyellow · 18/12/2023 20:42

I understand your irritation about the in-laws even asking for a lift.

IIWY I would expect DH to be contributing to the clearing up and washing up whilst I was being a taxi. I would also make it clear to everyone that, if you are giving them a lift, that the timing is to suit you not them, maybe taking them earlier in the be ing than they would book a taxi.

Daffyyellow · 18/12/2023 20:43

Also I would consider the taxi journey home to be their Christmas gift.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 18/12/2023 20:44

Your husband is a cheeky fucker putting pressure on you for this.

You're literally doing everything to host Christmas, and then you can't sit down and relax because you have to then be taxi service? Fuck that, if your husband cares that much he can forgo alcohol and drive his precious parents home himself. Why is this your problem? It's not your problem, you say no, end of.

Delegate it as a job for your DH to deal with on Christmas Day, that's if he's not too tired by pouring all of the drinks that day 🙄

It's the expectation and pressure that gets my back up about this. "No." is a full sentence, "fuck off" also is too.

Maddy70 · 18/12/2023 20:46

I definitely would be giving them lifts. They're your husband's parents .... it's nor far. Why wouldn't you offer? I would!

Dartmoorcheffy · 18/12/2023 20:46

This reply has been deleted

This is a goady troll so we've removed their posts.

You sound like fun...

Mistlebough · 18/12/2023 20:52

Just because someone is teetotal why should it mean they always get expected to taxi everyone around? Especially if OP has had all the effort involved in planning, shopping, cooking, cleaning, decorating, fetching drinks etc. It sounds as though she wasn’t even asked properly. If they are amazing in-laws who are kind and supportive she might choose to but DH should not assume. Do what suits you OP it’s meant to be your Christmas day as well and women who host are usually bottom of the pile and end up exhausted.

Codlingmoths · 18/12/2023 20:55

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 16:28

@ThequalityoftheReps

I do all the prep, cleaning, present buying etc before christmas. My husband sorts the drinks for everyone but otherwise I do all the cooking and washing up etc

My In laws don’t help at all.

WELL. If I were driving his parents home, that would be 30 minutes of solid washing up and cleaning my husband would be doing. Talk to him, and if he doesn’t think he should help with Christmas tell him it’s cancelled and his parents are uninvited, he can go to theirs and manage being his own designated driver and helping cook and clean.

Birch101 · 18/12/2023 21:03

I would offer a lift on the provision your partner did the washing up whilst you were doing so and it was at a time that was convinent for you, so for me I would say taxi will be leaving at 1930 so I can get home for my Christmas movie

Gymnopedie · 18/12/2023 23:28

All those posters saying that she should do it as long as he does the clearing/washing up while she's out ferrying his parents so that when she gets back she can put her feet up, what if he says no to that? What if he says he will but when she gets back he hasn't done it? Because I think one of those two, probably the latter, is the likeliest result here.

Tinkerbyebye · 18/12/2023 23:32

I am teetotal and would say no

i dont want to go out in the dark ( and rain/snow/ice or whatever) to take someone home even if it is 30 minutes

if dh wants to do it, fine he doesn’t drink and does it

i get really annoyed with the assumption that as I don’t drink I will do all the driving

Rickenbackergoodgrief · 18/12/2023 23:53

They're his parents, either he goes without alcohol to play taxi driver or they get a taxi.
Any huffing and puffing about it would get a short shrift from me.

shearwater2 · 19/12/2023 05:02

Gymnopedie · 18/12/2023 23:28

All those posters saying that she should do it as long as he does the clearing/washing up while she's out ferrying his parents so that when she gets back she can put her feet up, what if he says no to that? What if he says he will but when she gets back he hasn't done it? Because I think one of those two, probably the latter, is the likeliest result here.

She still puts her feet up and continues to leave the washing up for him.

Much worse if you leave everything to stick on, he will be making it much harder for himself. What a shame.