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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

673 replies

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 15:47

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 18/12/2023 17:57

I very often drive as although not teetotal, I often don't drink by choice. It's not "giving everyone a lift" though is it? It's you husbands parents and it's Christmas and it's only 30 minutes.

Set your boundaries by sying you're not prepared to take them home later than... whatever time is satidfactory for you. Otherwise they can walk if it's only 15 minutes and they're able bodied.

KnowThyself · 18/12/2023 17:57

I’m close to teetotal so on New Years Eve I am fine driving, it’s the same on Christmas Day it’s incredibly expensive I would guess those two cabs would cost £50 minimum.

Your issue is your lazy arse of a husband. As DH family is coming he is prepping all veg with me assisting a bit, I actually cook as I’m better at it and then all men in attendance wash up.

Womencanlift · 18/12/2023 17:58

30 minutes is nothing especially as it’s very likely the taxis will be a long wait and double fare on Christmas Day.

I am not teetotal but have often been the driver on Christmas Day to avoid a long and expensive wait for a taxi

Anele22 · 18/12/2023 17:59

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 17:55

@Anele22 it was just to give context that the only financial contribution for in laws for Xmas day would be the (£30) Taxi fare

Ah, fair point.

freshgreen · 18/12/2023 18:00

I'd just pay for the taxi home for them. Save all the hassle.
I understand OP, it's a pain in the ass and you just want to relax and enjoy yourself.

FairytaleOfKent · 18/12/2023 18:01

I would agree to do the lift if your DH agrees to cook on the day. I don't think you should have to do both. That way it puts the ball back in his court. I bet he'll suddenly change his tune.

diddl · 18/12/2023 18:03

It's you husbands parents and it's Christmas and it's only 30 minutes.

So why doesn't he decide to not drink & to take them home?

Op is doing everything else!

diddl · 18/12/2023 18:04

freshgreen · 18/12/2023 18:00

I'd just pay for the taxi home for them. Save all the hassle.
I understand OP, it's a pain in the ass and you just want to relax and enjoy yourself.

Pay for a taxi-on top of everything else that she is doing?

ohthejoys · 18/12/2023 18:04

I’d rather given them a lift than all the greasy Christmas dinner dishes!

Can you make an arrangement your husband that he cleans up while you’re out, so you com back to a nice clean house for a relaxing evening?

Cosmosforbreakfast · 18/12/2023 18:06

Does your husband not drive or is there some other reason he can't drive his own parents home?

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 18/12/2023 18:06

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 16:28

@ThequalityoftheReps

I do all the prep, cleaning, present buying etc before christmas. My husband sorts the drinks for everyone but otherwise I do all the cooking and washing up etc

My In laws don’t help at all.

So other than pouring some drinks, your DH does nothing else? Sounds like a DH issue if he thinks everything is down to you.

if I was not drinking I would drop off my parents/ in-laws on Christmas Day.

Kwasi · 18/12/2023 18:07

I don't drink. A 30 minute round trip wouldn't bother me at all. I would like to be asked rather than told, but really no big deal.

MsRosley · 18/12/2023 18:08

Vinrouge4 · 18/12/2023 16:19

If your husband is that bothered why doesn’t he not drink them drop them off.

Yup. I think this would be my line in the sand. His parents. His effort.

Delatron · 18/12/2023 18:08

Cosmosforbreakfast · 18/12/2023 18:06

Does your husband not drive or is there some other reason he can't drive his own parents home?

The husband wants to drink.

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 18/12/2023 18:08

I would just give them a lift I don't see the issue

Cosmosforbreakfast · 18/12/2023 18:09

Delatron · 18/12/2023 18:08

The husband wants to drink.

Show quote history

Can't he do that after he's driven his parents home?

howshouldibehave · 18/12/2023 18:09

The assumption that I would do it without being actually asked would really piss me off!

I’d be having a drink out of spite just to make a point! I’m probably not a very nice person though…!

DPotter · 18/12/2023 18:09

As an alternative - gift them the £30 for the taxi - but that's the only gift they're getting.
Frankly I think it's poor form to expect the host to collect and take home guests.

AhBiscuits · 18/12/2023 18:11

Yes I would drop my husbands parents home on Christmas day. It's really not a big ask.

Delatron · 18/12/2023 18:12

Cosmosforbreakfast · 18/12/2023 18:09

Can't he do that after he's driven his parents home?

Show quote history

Yes that would be a nice idea. But from what the OP has said I guess he wants to drink in the day with his parents. Now I agree if he’s that bothered about it all he should not drink and give them the lift. Doesn’t sound like he will do that.

shivbo2014 · 18/12/2023 18:13

I get it. After I've made dinner and eaten, I just want to get my pj's on and relax for the rest of the day, not hanging around, waiting to drop people home. It is really annoying being the designated driver.

RocketDog101 · 18/12/2023 18:15

I can see why you're peeved - the designated driver/prep-per/cooker/washer-upper...heck, maybe they'd like you to tuck them in and offer a hot toddy as well 😉

I do most of the preparation for Christmas as well, as well as the usual 'womanly' duties and this is the discussion myself and OH would have...

OH: what can I do to help?
Me: all I ask is that you help serve, clear the table, load the dishwasher, see to your parents where I am distracted/busy and arrange how they are getting home.
OH: OK, I'll talk to them.

My part in it, done. BUT, I know that OH is as likely to step in and share (or at least try haha) the load 🤔 I wouldn't have an issue in taking in-laws home (in my case) because if anything they help with a lot of running around at times, but it wouldn't be because it's expected.

I think, personally, you need to delegate...delegate the task to your OH, have him sort it out; wether that be he too doesn't drink, takes home earlier then has a few when gets home or HE arranges the taxi. The issue isn't just about you taking them home but that you've taken on much of the day's happenings and taken it ALL as your responsibility...shirk some 😉

Topseyt123 · 18/12/2023 18:19

Delatron · 18/12/2023 18:08

The husband wants to drink.

Show quote history

Then he books a taxi for his parents.

Suchapain · 18/12/2023 18:19

In your shoes I would do it, but insist that DH does ALL the clearing up / washing up etc. To be honest he should be doing this anyway, as you'll be doing all the prep, cooking etc. But especially if he's volunteering your taxi service, he has to do everything else. Everything.

Delatron · 18/12/2023 18:21

Topseyt123 · 18/12/2023 18:19

Then he books a taxi for his parents.

Show quote history

I’m not disagreeing with this I’m explaining what the OP has said.