Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this attitude isn't on

241 replies

Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 07:28

I'm separated from ds father but we have remained friends.
Ex could always be awkward opininated etc and it's possible ds has also picked up some of his traits although not all and ds isn't a big fan of his father either.
Ds is at university and is coming home for Christmas although he isn't too enthusiastic as he says his room is cold it's too far to the gym and his bed small single is uncomfortable I have been upset about my ex and ds attitude in recent days so go easy on me.
I've messaged ex to say I've ordered a new bed for ds and his reply was Oh fuck off your spoiling the brat and it won't be put up.
Aibu to feel I've been disrespected.

OP posts:
Silvergreenblue · 18/12/2023 08:38

So you've been separated from him for 5 years but you were together in October. So how is he affording a mortgage when you said before he doesn't earn much? Sounds fishy to me

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/12/2023 08:41

Whole thing is baffling. Does he know you’re planning to put the bed up yourself?

LolaSmiles · 18/12/2023 08:42

This whole situation is weird.
You can't buy furniture for someone else's house and your adult son is an adult and can sort his own bed out.

WandaWonder · 18/12/2023 08:43

It his house you can't just order a bed for someone else's house

Is this a joke?

bonzaitree · 18/12/2023 08:43

If I was your ex I’d refuse delivery.

you can’t buy furniture for other peoples homes OP!

Doggymummar · 18/12/2023 08:45

You'll need all new bedding too don't forget

Original poster
Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 08:49

Silvergreenblue · 18/12/2023 08:38

So you've been separated from him for 5 years but you were together in October. So how is he affording a mortgage when you said before he doesn't earn much? Sounds fishy to me

Where that info come from

OP posts:
ChiIIieP · 18/12/2023 08:51

Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 08:29

Unreasonable or reasonable

Show quote history

Reasonable

Mojolostforever · 18/12/2023 08:55

WhatNoRaisins · 18/12/2023 07:50

How would you like it if ex arranged for a massive 3 piece suite to be delivered to your house without consulting you?

Why do some people chip in with 'how would you like it if ... ' and then go on to describe a much worse and highly unlikely scenario?

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/12/2023 08:56

There’s another op, whose posts are similar but she’s poorly. Last thread I came across, she said she was going to look into selling the house. The advice was also similar to what you’re receiving. I can’t remember her username but thought perhaps those threads would be useful for you to read.

I am really hoping you will think about selling. Your ex is in your house.

Original poster
Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 09:03

Mojolostforever · 18/12/2023 08:55

Why do some people chip in with 'how would you like it if ... ' and then go on to describe a much worse and highly unlikely scenario?

Show quote history

If I'm been truly honest if the roles where reversed and I was the ex this wouldn't bother me as ex is never in the room and ds does need a bed and bed will be up and assembled with old one out of the way

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 18/12/2023 09:04

Your son is telling you he doesn’t want to stay at his dads. Why are you still walking his dog and letting him stay in the house. It needs to be sold and you get a two bed with room for your son

Anisette · 18/12/2023 09:06

Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 07:40

I just want ds to feel comfortable when he comes home is that so bad really.

He can feel comfortable when he is with you. How he feels at his dad's is not your problem. If he doesn't want to go, presumably he won't go.

Silvergreenblue · 18/12/2023 09:06

Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 08:49

Where that info come from

Show quote history

Under your username.

Original poster
Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 09:08

Quartz2208 · 18/12/2023 09:04

Your son is telling you he doesn’t want to stay at his dads. Why are you still walking his dog and letting him stay in the house. It needs to be sold and you get a two bed with room for your son

He isn't a big fan of his dad and just stays in his room and they speak in passing but I do think it's more of him preferring uni life.
My ds says he isn't bothered about coming to mine as he is used to the surroundings at home it's just that he loves to just walk to the gym whenever and his room is cold and bed uncomfortable

OP posts:
vanillaredbushtea · 18/12/2023 09:08

Silvergreenblue · 18/12/2023 09:06

Under your username.

Show quote history

I think that's a new DP presumably

WhatNoRaisins · 18/12/2023 09:09

Mojolostforever · 18/12/2023 08:55

Why do some people chip in with 'how would you like it if ... ' and then go on to describe a much worse and highly unlikely scenario?

Show quote history

Because the OP doesn't seem to be grasping how inappropriate her behaviour is.

vanillaredbushtea · 18/12/2023 09:09

Anisette · 18/12/2023 09:06

He can feel comfortable when he is with you. How he feels at his dad's is not your problem. If he doesn't want to go, presumably he won't go.

Show quote history

This. He can sort it out himself and decide where he wants to be for Christmas

Original poster
Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 09:12

It upset me when he said he doesn't like been home but would rather be here where he has friends rather than alone in uni house so I thought a new bed would help that's the crux of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 09:14

His dad tries to save on electric so sits downstairs with a heater on and doesn't put central heating on so ds room isn't heated

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 18/12/2023 09:14

OP if your son doesn't get on with his dad it's not going to change with a different bed. You're trying to help but you can't, it's his dad that needs to work on their relationship. You can't fix it.

MargotBamborough · 18/12/2023 09:14

Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 09:12

It upset me when he said he doesn't like been home but would rather be here where he has friends rather than alone in uni house so I thought a new bed would help that's the crux of it.

Why hasn't the house been sold, OP?

You aren't in a position to make these kind of arrangements for your son because there isn't space for him to stay at yours and THAT is the crux of it.

Sirzy · 18/12/2023 09:15

He is growing up. You need to let him do so and not try to force situations.

now your son is an adult you need to cut contact with you ex because the boundaries are so blurred it’s not going to help anyone.

Lochness1975 · 18/12/2023 09:18

If exdp done that to me a week before Xmas I’d be livid

Original poster
Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 09:18

But I was so upset as its his birthday Christmas day as well and his attitude was it's just another birthday and sorry if I'm not enthusiastic but I'm now 22 and have seen loads.

OP posts: