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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this attitude isn't on

241 replies

Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 07:28

I'm separated from ds father but we have remained friends.
Ex could always be awkward opininated etc and it's possible ds has also picked up some of his traits although not all and ds isn't a big fan of his father either.
Ds is at university and is coming home for Christmas although he isn't too enthusiastic as he says his room is cold it's too far to the gym and his bed small single is uncomfortable I have been upset about my ex and ds attitude in recent days so go easy on me.
I've messaged ex to say I've ordered a new bed for ds and his reply was Oh fuck off your spoiling the brat and it won't be put up.
Aibu to feel I've been disrespected.

OP posts:
Original poster
Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 07:42

I feel as though I still have a hand in the house he's never given me a penny from it

OP posts:
margotrose · 18/12/2023 07:42

Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 07:40

I just want ds to feel comfortable when he comes home is that so bad really.

It's not your house!

You can't do that 🫣

RudolphsFriend · 18/12/2023 07:42

I’d be furious if my ex ordered a bed for my house, especially the week before Christmas.

WhatNoRaisins · 18/12/2023 07:43

You can't just order furniture for someone elses house. I agree with PP, with a week to go until Christmas the last thing I'd want to be dealing with is unwanted furniture.

Leftphalange100 · 18/12/2023 07:43

I'd be annoyed if someone ordered a large flat pack item for me to build a week before christmas, that I didn't want.

You have massively overstepped here.

Are you going to his house to dismantle the old one, and build the new one yourself?

Original poster
Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 07:44

For context ex will not be inconvenienced as he will be at work and bed will be up and old one taken to tip.

OP posts:
escapethemaze · 18/12/2023 07:44

Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 07:40

I just want ds to feel comfortable when he comes home is that so bad really.

what’s his bedroom like at yours? how far do you and ex live from one another?

TisTheDarnSeason · 18/12/2023 07:44

You ordered a bed for someone else's house without consulting them? Seriously??

Yes, YABU!

DustyLee123 · 18/12/2023 07:45

Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 07:42

I feel as though I still have a hand in the house he's never given me a penny from it

Presumably you don’t have a legal right to it then?

escapethemaze · 18/12/2023 07:45

Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 07:44

For context ex will not be inconvenienced as he will be at work and bed will be up and old one taken to tip.

so you’ve paid for assembly and removal of the old one

margotrose · 18/12/2023 07:46

Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 07:44

For context ex will not be inconvenienced as he will be at work and bed will be up and old one taken to tip.

You must be taking the fucking piss.

Quietlyunconfident · 18/12/2023 07:46

As others have said

you can’t buy furniture for someone else!

you are also spoiling /pandering so your ex has a point.

it was a shitty way of him to talk to you but I think in this instance it’s almost justified!

escapethemaze · 18/12/2023 07:46

Ex could always be awkward opininated etc

You describe yourself here op

MilkChocolateCookie · 18/12/2023 07:46

So you'll be at ex's house to take delivery of the bed and put it up? I think you and ex should separate properly. It sounds like you're too involved in each other's lives.

Were you married? Are you entitled to money from the house?

Kitkatfiend31 · 18/12/2023 07:47

You cannot do this for someone else's house without asking them. YABU.

RudolphsFriend · 18/12/2023 07:47

How long ago did you & your ex separate? Can DS not stay with you?

Olika · 18/12/2023 07:48

Cannot believe you ordered furniture to someone else's house.

Original poster
Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 07:48

DustyLee123 · 18/12/2023 07:45

Presumably you don’t have a legal right to it then?

Edited
Show quote history

I've never gone into it I lived there with ex for 12 years paid some things into it.

OP posts:
WillowTit · 18/12/2023 07:48

so who will be there when the bed arrives ?

MargotBamborough · 18/12/2023 07:49

Does your son live with his dad when he is home from uni? Is there any possibility of him living with you and having a double bed at your house instead?

If not, I'm afraid your sons sleeping arrangements at his dad's house are none of your business. If your son is that uncomfortable at his dad's house he doesn't have to sleep there, he is an adult.

For what it's worth, I think it's nice to have a proper adult bed for your university age child and for them to feel comfortable when they come home. But what your ex does in his home is completely outside your control.

DustyLee123 · 18/12/2023 07:50

Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 07:48

I've never gone into it I lived there with ex for 12 years paid some things into it.

Show quote history

But if you haven’t been married, and not on the deeds, you’re highly like to have no claim.

Original poster
Desperatetime · 18/12/2023 07:50

Thanks for context I do understand the point about it been his place.
My friend will help me assemble the bed and take old one away.

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 18/12/2023 07:50

How would you like it if ex arranged for a massive 3 piece suite to be delivered to your house without consulting you?

DustyLee123 · 18/12/2023 07:50

You’ve still not said if DS has a bed, of an acceptable size, at your house?

Summerbay23 · 18/12/2023 07:51

This is bonkers, you can’t order furniture for someone else’s house, I’d be furious and refuse delivery. Your son is an adult and sleeping arrangements at his dads are none of your business.