Ds 19 dating a 42 year old

[Stellarx]

Morning,

i’m struggling to know what to do for the best regard in this situation with my son, 19. My son is openly gay, we are really proud of him for being who he is. He goes to university full-time but has a part-time job in the town where we live. About six weeks ago I found out that he has been seeing a guy that works there. The problem is this guy is 42 years old.

I just can’t get my head around it. Before anyone asks, I know that I would feel the same if he was seeing a 42-year-old woman. The same time I accept that he is an adult and that ultimately he can do what he wants without my approval.

I have spoken to a close friend who also works at the same place. She understands my points but has also told me that this guy is really nice and she doesn’t feel that his behaviour is predatory.

DS has stayed at his house the last couple of weekends so I assume they are having sex.

he has asked me if I would consider meeting this guy at some point over Christmas to break the ice. Every bit of me wants to scream no!! My worry is if I do that I will end up losing my son.

AIBU??

Yes, @CJsGoldfish and when her friends were out dating and meeting ppl in their own age group, she was hanging out with a middle-aged man. What a waste of her youth.

He had his youth, of course.

As someone else has said upthread these sorts of relationships are fairly common in the gay community. I knew of several friends/acquaintances when I was at college and uni who were with men is their late 30s early 40s. Often the relationship ends with no hard feelings a few months later. I would personally meet him, you run the risk of pushing your son away/making him feel like he has to stay in the relationship to prove something/not coming to you with an issue if you don't.

Where the heck do you live?

Most people aren't "out" to the vast majority of people around them, in the sense that they don't typically discuss their private life with people they don't have a personal relationship with. So if not cohabiting/married and not having kids, they aren't likely to discuss their dating life.

You seem to be the one saying that it's normative for gay men to have kinky sexual relationships.

‘Really? Because most gay men I know aren't actually out beyond their immediate friendship circles, and to some family members. Certainly not professionally.’

where do you live, Saudi?? I am gay, and being in the closet is now the exception not the rule… at least in the Western world.

Pp is specifically taking about how people view the age gaps and specifically says 'how people see their relationships' and 'given the opinions on this thread'. Not sure how people are misinterpreting that.