CF Sister in Law

[DailyMailHater]

SIL has been having a hard time recently, end of long term relationship and made redundant and is struggling for money , she called DH yesterday to say she has no food in the cupboards and no money.

Dh and I each pay 50/50 on household bills etc and then all other finances are separate , DH said he didn’t have much to help her at the moment, but I said I could as I have some extra this month due to Xmas bonus… so suggested we do an online food shop for her to be delivered this week, (she lives 3hrs away) , my view is she is family and if you can help out, you help out.

DH spoke to her and she said that would be really appreciated and then proceeded to send an extensive list through (first hint of CF!)

I managed to get a delivery slot with her local supermarket for Tuesday afternoon and added everything off her list - mostly tins and frozen foods so long lasting and should keep her going for a while, I then added a few extras like her fav biscuits, a bottle of wine and some flowers just to cheer her up as she is really down at the money in total it came to almost £200

DH text her and confirmed delivery date and time etc (was surprised to get a slot - Xmas week!) all good.

She has then called today and asked if we can see if we can change delivery to Tuesday morning as she has booked a last minute 2-day spa break (about 1.5hrs away from her home) to relax and de-stress from all the recent upset and needs to leave at lunch time on Tuesday to “make the most of it”

I am shocked that she feels it is ok to do this after pleading poverty - i said DH should ask where this money suddenly came from considering I have just done her food shop for her he says it is none of our business….

I am happy to help family out but this is totally taking the piss isn’t it?

You don’t book last minute spa breaks knowing someone has just paid your shopping bill , I would ask who paid for it and if it was her , I would cancel order thats just cheeky .

That's a great conclusion. MIL sounds like a good one. Not sure your DH will be seeing the money any time soon -but at least you've amended the order and actually confronted her about it all which is rare on MN. Most people just let CF carry on for the sake of peace and quiet.
Have a lovely Christmas and a great spa break in the New Year 😂

This 👍

Well done OP, it sounds like you all handled it well and it’s good to see your Dj’s family rally round in support too x

You sound like you have handled this perfectly - and hats off to DH (eventually) and MIL too.

Your SIL is a silly cow - hopefully this is a wake up call for her.

@Potentialmadcatlady

If I was your relative I would want you to ask. You deserve a holiday

Well done, OP.

I think you've done the right thing for both you and her.

Hopefully with the grief she's getting from family she'll thin before doing something so stupid again.

I’d be getting MIL to explain that she has been manipulative and entitled, and demand to know who else she owes money to and how and when she plans to pay them all back, explaining that if she doesn’t prioritize this, she won’t have any friends or family to fall back on.

if you call her out for any of this she will go running to other family members and bitch about you. Pay for the shopping but tell everyone what you have done and that you will not be doing it again. Do not try to protect her from embarrassment by staying quiet - she will use it to her advantage to spin the narrative in her favour.

If she's that way inclined she'll do it no matter what you do or don't do!

Great update OP
Treat yourself with your bonus... Maybe you'll find a good deal on a spa break!

Excellent update, so pleased she has been told her behaviour is out of order for a grown up!

Great update, well done for standing up for yourself!

I would ask about the spa day before doing anything else. If she is paying for it, I would be pissed but still send the food as a one time "Christmas gift". She needs to change her spa day,.

Your DH sounds great. Happy to admit he got it wrong and is making it right too. And your MIL

Well done for being straight with CF SIL too !

I would most definitely be amending it to remove the "treats" I'd added! Flowers, wine, etc, should save you about £20!

It does sound as if SIL has realised the error of her ways and the interim solution of your DH paying you back then letting him and his family argue it out amongst themselves is the perfect result for you.

Hopefully your spa day is even better than hers!

Sounds like a good outcome all round. Well done.

Yes and you cannot change the delivery slot so cancel order.

Luckily you probably won't get another slot, so cancel and get her a deliveroo of the preferred time of bread, milk, few other basics costing £50 or so.

Your SIL reminds me of my cf-MIL who asked for a couple of grand to help with divorce solicitors bills as she couldn't afford them...….while sitting in my living room all tanned just back from 3 weeks 5* holiday. She was visiting us and we had eaten out, had takeaways, picked expensive nice wine to drink with it etc and she hadn't put her hand in her purse once.

I managed to get in with a jokey "ha!, we'll help when we can afford a 5* holiday" and changed the subject before soft dh could react. She didn't ask again.

Excellent resolution!

I would ask her on sm if her food parcel arrived OK.

Luckily, the rest of the fam sound great!

Do you know what, fair play to all 3 of you!

SIL for explaining and admitting to her shortcomings in it all, DH for really coming on side the way he has, and you for standing so firm and yet with such integrity.

And your MIL is brilliant! 🤩

Sounds to me like she's already had the spa break booked and has realised she's left herself short for food!!! I say, tough shit, get your priorities right and don't be sponging off family and taking advantage of truly thoughtful generous people... Cancel that order pronto! ❤

Wow, what an absolute cheek, unless someone is treating her, but even so. I’d be fuming