To absolutely hate it when people do this to me at parties and gatherings

[Unchristmascadeau]

I like listening to music at parties/clubs (not that I go clubbing now!) I hate dancing in public. I accept I’m in the minority and most people seem to enjoy it and that’s fine.

What I HATE is when people try to get me up to dance just because they’re enjoying dancing. Like if they’re a bit drunk they dance over and actually take your hand and pull you up on to the dance floor. It makes me feel so embarrassed and uncomfortable. Happened twice at our Xmas night out and it’s so awkward having to smile politely and say no and afterwards I just feel like such a boring weirdo because everyone else is dancing and I don’t want to.

Please no snark as I’m feeling a bit shit about myself today but just wondered if anyone else hates this?

It's totally fine not to want to dance.

The only think you're doing wrong in my view is smiling when you decline to dance with these people. Just say 'No' in a tone that suggests they are slightly inappropriate

I do want to say a few thing. Aside from the obnoxious people generally people are trying to be inclusive. Secondly people on the dance floor really dont care how others are dancing and are not being judgemental. So it is the people not dancing that are in fact being judgemental

What a load of crap.
I don't dance. I don't enjoy it, I can't do it, and I don't want to. I love to watch other people enjoy themselves though. That does not make me judgemental.

So it is the people not dancing that are in fact being judgemental.

What hogwash! I mean maybe some are, there are always judgemental people but it's highly unlikely that someone who doesn't want to dance is looking at others dancing purely to judge them. I LOVE dancing and when I don't want to dance I'm watching people to see who is dancing so well that I can't take my eyes off them. I don't care if people are good/bad/mediocre/whatever, people having fun is a joy to watch.

God I’m with you. Hate it too. If I want to dance I will get up and dance, but generally just prefer to watch and listen to the music.

I hate it and the people that do it and will not take no for an answer. I am quite happy to sit and people watch and don’t want to be forcibly removed from my seat by some pissed up idiot. If I wanted to dance I would!
I wouldn’t dream of going onto the dance floor, try and manhandle someone away saying ‘come onnnnnn’ ‘don’t be so borinnnnngg’ ‘come and sit dowwwwnnnn with meeeee’, so why the hell do people think the opposite is acceptable. Leave me alone!

Yay I’ve found my people!!!!

I absolutely hate dancing. I get no enjoyment out of it, I feel so uncomfortable and unnatural.

I once had a man so insistent that I had a panic attack. Not a fun night.

I’ll also out myself as a total weirdo - I don’t like the music either. It’s always 3 times as loud as it needs to be. Why does a party or disco need to have music so loud that you can’t hear anything that anyone else is saying?! I hate it! The same with outdoor events/shows etc - why is there always loud music ‘entertainment’ going on at some point??? Again it’s far too loud to hear yourself think. I avoid it like the plague. I’d pay extra to go to an event with no musical entertainment.

I also don't understand why it feels like such a taboo. Some people can't draw can't sing, can't do accents. Some people hate public speaking, or going in lifts or planes. But people who can't dance or hate dancing in public generally feel a sense of shame that is out of all proportion. I think it might be because it is linked to the idea of being sensual/sexually desirable maybe. I don't know. As you get older you realise that it doesn't have any implications like that but the shame persists, partly because everyone else seems to think it's as natural as breathing. I'd give anything to be able to dance and feel comfortable doing so. So it isn't that I can't appreciate how much fun it might be. It's just something I've not been blessed with.

@ClockworkDisaster totally agree with everything you said! I hate loud music and dancing… why do some people find that so hard to understand I wonder?

I'll dance to my chosen musical genre but piss poor wedding playlist... Nah fuck off and leave me alone. 😁.

I thought it was just me! I have considered taking earplugs / headphones to events just to reduce the volume, but then I can’t have a conversation with the people I’m with 😞

No, not just you @ClockworkDisaster ... I've always felt that way. We're NOT weird though - just different. It's taken me until my fifties to realise it's okay to say no to these people. Not that I ever go to parties or 'dos' if I can possibly help it! 😂I literally find it so stressful. People don't understand. (I also strongly suspect I have autism - I'll never bother trying to get assessed as I work from home for myself so there is really no point, but it would explain a lot from my POV.)

I am the same, never ever danced and never will but I am happy for people to ask once and once only

Same for anything like drinking alcohol, trying a food anything is fine if asking once then please just accept a polite no

Why the need to try and convince? I do know my own mind

I am not a child , no means no, I am happy to sit alone if I have to don't care how that looks to anyone else.

Just accept the first 'no thank you' and move on

I’ve often wondered too if there is some neurodivergence going on with me too. I just can’t cope with the noise. I never was like it as a child though and would happily dance at a disco and didn’t mind the music. I dunno, maybe I’m just old and grumpy now? Haha

I don’t often go to parties either which makes life much easier. And most of my friends are more the ‘lets go for a quite meal at a nice pub’ kind rather than wanting to go partying, which makes life easier.

They're doing it to include you because you're presumably sitting by yourself, not talking to anyone. They're a bit pissed, and even if you're actually fine, you look alone and left out and they don't want you to feel left out. If you're engaged in a really interesting conversation with one or more others, they're not as likely to be trying to include you

I disagree. It's not about inclusion, it's about pissed up people not respecting no. I've been right in the middle of great conversations with others when people have tried to physically drag me up to dance. I was engaged in conversation and having a great time, and certainly "included". I wasn't sitting there all alone and miserable- I was having fun. It's always drunk people who do this and it's certainly not about inclusion.

Trying to push alcohol is more persistent I think.

Try Loop earplugs. There are couple of models that block out the 'big' sounds but still allow you to have a conversation.

Ugh! I ended up telling one drunk woman to 'just fuck off' at a wedding

I went from 'no, honestly I'm ok sitting here thanks' to 'no I'm fine, I don't want to' to 'no I'm ok' to ' can you just leave me alone?' to the above

She got the hint

Ugh. Yes. This.

Good for you. Can't stand people who won't accept a polite "no". If you keep on pushing and pushing you should expect to get told to F off.

Totally agree with you OP. I also absolutely hate having my photo taken and get so fed up with people trying to force the issue and making me feel like a dick.

Thank you - I’ll give them a go!

YANBU I absolutely fucking hate it when people do this. I do dance when I feel like it but don't like it to be forced. I don't understand how people think its a good idea to try and force someone to do something they clearly don't want to do, it just creates a scene and then you'll get people pitying you for getting made a twat out of, and others thinking you are boring.