Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To absolutely hate it when people do this to me at parties and gatherings

198 replies

Unchristmascadeau · 17/12/2023 18:38

I like listening to music at parties/clubs (not that I go clubbing now!) I hate dancing in public. I accept I’m in the minority and most people seem to enjoy it and that’s fine.

What I HATE is when people try to get me up to dance just because they’re enjoying dancing. Like if they’re a bit drunk they dance over and actually take your hand and pull you up on to the dance floor. It makes me feel so embarrassed and uncomfortable. Happened twice at our Xmas night out and it’s so awkward having to smile politely and say no and afterwards I just feel like such a boring weirdo because everyone else is dancing and I don’t want to.

Please no snark as I’m feeling a bit shit about myself today but just wondered if anyone else hates this?

OP posts:
heartsinvisiblefury · 17/12/2023 22:08

I just say no now as have no desire to look a complete idiot on the dance floor and if they pressure me I just tell them to crack on and get dancing rather than wasting their dancing fun time on me. Twats

TheLocust · 17/12/2023 22:09

I remember reading that people in the security services (MI5, special service etc) are trained to clock the exits when they enter a building, in case they need to make a sharp exit. That's me at parties, working out how I can escape outside when the tedious dancing starts. I sometimes find other outcasts lurking in the shadows and they're often more interesting than the people trying to drag me onto the dance floor.

CrapGoat · 17/12/2023 22:10

i dont like this either and it has happened to me a fair bit. OCCASSIONALLY if I have too much to drink am really in the mood I will do it-but of my own accord! I don't want dragging up! I think people think you want to but you're shy? Rather than you point blank don't want to at all. I'm not shy, I just don't like it!

mangochops · 17/12/2023 22:12

Ah I remember when I was on crutches after fracturing my femur.

It was the best excuse ever, it was around Xmas/ New Year’s Eve too so I hobbled out and about but I FINALLY had the perfect get out excuse not to dance. I even carried it on a few months afterwards telling people my leg was still a bit “dodgy”. It wasn’t 😂

Inkypot · 17/12/2023 22:13

I love dancing on a night out and I still think YANBU. I hate it too when I just want a seat and someone wanders over to drag me back to dance, feels so awkward like you say!

chaosmaker · 17/12/2023 22:18

With you OP, I only like fun (of any kind) on my own terms.

Echobelly · 17/12/2023 22:18

I like to dance but I would not dream of pressurising someone else to do so unless I knew they were someone who generally liked dancing, and to whatever kind of music was on.

TortolaParadise · 17/12/2023 22:21

Similarly when people insist you have a drink. No means no.

NoraLuka · 17/12/2023 22:22

I hate this too, I have actually always wanted to know how to dance but I know I can’t so I just don’t do it.

autienotnaughty · 17/12/2023 22:23

I love to dance and will dance all night. Alone if needed. And I don't need any Dutch courage either.

I would never make anyone get up now (although I suspect I did when I was younger).

I always hated people who would dance with certain people and not with others. It felt like they were saying she's good enough to dance with but your not . I took it really personally. Seems silly now writing it down but that was genuinely how I use to feel if people who normally were dancers didn't want to dance with me.

Rollonfriday22 · 17/12/2023 22:24

YADNBU

I have never and will never be a dancer. Even as a child I was the one sitting down at family parties and escaping as soon as I could when a relative dragged me up.

It really annoys me when people spend way too much of their time at a party trying to get me up dancing, it’s just so embarrassing and makes me feel bad about myself. I already hate that I’m the one sitting down so to have someone make a fuss makes things worse.

Sadly my children seem to be going the same way.

AdoraBell · 17/12/2023 22:26

I always claim to have a bad back.

surferparadise · 17/12/2023 22:27

I will never understand why people do this shit. The stupid thing is, they wang on about about great fun it is to dance and yet instead of being on the dance floor, actually enjoying dancing, they’re standing over your chair trying to argue with you about why you don’t want to!

Like, just go and bloody dance if you love it so much, instead of standing around arguing about it!

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 17/12/2023 22:29

TheLocust · 17/12/2023 22:09

I remember reading that people in the security services (MI5, special service etc) are trained to clock the exits when they enter a building, in case they need to make a sharp exit. That's me at parties, working out how I can escape outside when the tedious dancing starts. I sometimes find other outcasts lurking in the shadows and they're often more interesting than the people trying to drag me onto the dance floor.

if you want to make an exit, if you dance out no-one complains.

Rollonfriday22 · 17/12/2023 22:49

Have already commented but just RTFT and have never, ever felt so seen on Mumsnet.

I’ve never really thought about the fact that there are other people who feel the same as me about dancing. Even thinking back to Aunties and Uncles dragging me up at parties years ago makes me cringe. I won’t lie, I’d do anything to get out of going to a wedding or a party but if I am there I am generally pretty happy watching and just feel so uncomfortable when people try and make me go up.

I’ve never danced with my husband. We had a tiny wedding mainly because it would mean no dancing. I can’t think of anything worse than being a non dancer and having to have the big typical dance floor wedding - how have others managed this?

I think someone else has possibly nailed it when they said about people feeling a bit self conscious so they start this to make you the object of any interest.

MsRosley · 17/12/2023 22:54

'Sorry, I've pulled a muscle in my back and dancing makes it worse.'

XenoBitch · 17/12/2023 22:58

Disclaimer.. this has not happened... but I do have a friend who has MS and gets about on a tiny mobility scooter. I am just imagining the scenario of her at a party in a community hall. All dark with flashy lights. She used her scooter to get inside, and managed to sit on a nice comfy chair and watch the festivities.
Some knob pulls her up to dance, and she is pulled flat on her face onto the floor.

TheLocust · 17/12/2023 23:00

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 17/12/2023 22:29

if you want to make an exit, if you dance out no-one complains.

Show quote history

I DON'T WANT TO DANCE! 😄

Seriously, I feel better knowing there are others who feel like me. We should come up with a sign so we can recognise each other at parties and band together. Like one of those charity ribbons or something.

dotdotdotdash · 17/12/2023 23:00

I don’t know what anaphoric means so please explain!

I understand the phrase to mean that you can demur without have to defend yourself or explain. I don’t actually suggest that it’s useful just to say ‘no’ then end an interaction. Unless you are two years old.

MouseMinge · 17/12/2023 23:00

Yanbu. I bloody love dancing but I don't love being pulled up to dance, especially by someone who's half-cut and it's nearly always someone who is half-cut. It's akin to being told to why are you being so boring/drink more by the same type. Leave people alone to enjoy things as they see fit is my motto and don't be an arsehole. I was at a party last year where someone was trying to get me to drink more because I'd asked for a soft drink after a beer. After a little back and forth, me being polite, them pushing it, I told them to fuck off. Insistance became silence. Good.

MouseMinge · 17/12/2023 23:02

I'm amazed that 14% of people think that you're being unreasonable because you don't want to be forced into something against your will. They're the people we all try to avoid at parties!

Cupcakekiller · 17/12/2023 23:03

This happens to me too. My music of choice is metal/rock and I'll happily dance/mosh for hours at rock clubs but nowhere else. I just don't want to.

dotdotdotdash · 17/12/2023 23:04

dotdotdotdash · 17/12/2023 23:00

I don’t know what anaphoric means so please explain!

I understand the phrase to mean that you can demur without have to defend yourself or explain. I don’t actually suggest that it’s useful just to say ‘no’ then end an interaction. Unless you are two years old.

That was in response to @Snowdogsmitten

BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 17/12/2023 23:24

In my experience, the ones who try and drag you up to dance are the ones who like to think they're 'trying to get the party started' and think of themselves as 'party girls'. It's a bit cringey.

NewbieTwentyFour · 17/12/2023 23:28

YANBU, I hate it too! If I want to dance, I will, but if I’m happily sitting here then dancing ‘at’ me isn’t going to help.

Swipe left for the next trending thread