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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To absolutely hate it when people do this to me at parties and gatherings

198 replies

Unchristmascadeau · 17/12/2023 18:38

I like listening to music at parties/clubs (not that I go clubbing now!) I hate dancing in public. I accept I’m in the minority and most people seem to enjoy it and that’s fine.

What I HATE is when people try to get me up to dance just because they’re enjoying dancing. Like if they’re a bit drunk they dance over and actually take your hand and pull you up on to the dance floor. It makes me feel so embarrassed and uncomfortable. Happened twice at our Xmas night out and it’s so awkward having to smile politely and say no and afterwards I just feel like such a boring weirdo because everyone else is dancing and I don’t want to.

Please no snark as I’m feeling a bit shit about myself today but just wondered if anyone else hates this?

OP posts:
Barmecide · 18/12/2023 20:34

Onionringheaven · 18/12/2023 19:49

I'm usually way too absorbed in my own macarena moves to worry about making other people join in.

As it should be! You work those moves, girl.

Gorse · 18/12/2023 20:49

When I was a teenager, several decades ago, some school friends persuaded me to "dance" at a disco. I was very reluctant, being a shy loner type, but obeyed the call as I wanted to fit in. Of course, a bunch of twatty boys noticed and started to ape me. I wanted to die, and would choose to die rather than go through that again. I haven't set foot on a dancefloor since.

agentcooperinthewhitelodge · 18/12/2023 21:03

Secondly people on the dance floor really dont care how others are dancing and are not being judgemental. So it is the people not dancing that are in fact being judgemental

Nah. Not wanting to do something doesn't make you "judgemental", it's really not that deep. It just means you don't want to do it which is perfectly ok- we aren't all the same. I don't want to bungee jump ever, doesn't mean I am being judgemental about those that love it, it just means I don't wish to do it is all.

As for not caring, lots of people on this thread have had the piss ripped out of them by others about how they dance so clearly, this statement isn't true is it?

tealfluff · 18/12/2023 21:20

user1477391263 · 17/12/2023 23:49

I didn’t have any dancing at my wedding, just drinks, nibbles, chat. Everyone seemed happy without it. You don’t have to dance at a wedding and neither does anyone else!

Show quote history

I agree - I didn’t dance or have any dancing at my wedding either. It isn’t compulsory!

I also agree that you get the same when you don’t drink alcohol - some people seem to make it their mission to get you to drink it for some reason.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 18/12/2023 21:30

I feel like this about any gathering of more than about 3 people. I don't go to work parties any more, weddings, or any function where there is dancing and big groups of people. Just hate shouting small talk over shit music and making excuses for leaving. I went to my cousin's wedding not long ago but because I had my young kids with me I could talk to them and didn't have to integrate myself with other people. I won't go to these things if there's any danger of having to socialise with a group.

InvestingMimi · 18/12/2023 21:44

What’s worse is that they pull you up to dance you oblige because you don’t want to bring the vibe down but then some knob starts filming you and everyone else dancing just so they can sort it on their instagram, Facebook or whatever the fuck.

Jumpingthruhoops · 18/12/2023 21:51

I love dancing - still enjoy going to club nights where I can.

In my experience, those who 'beg' others to get on the dancefloor are doing so largely for effect, a sort of 'look at me, aren't I having just the best time!?' vibe.

Those who are genuinely lost in the music are unlikely to give a fuck about what others are/not doing.

supersop60 · 18/12/2023 23:01

I love dancing at parties etc. However, if I'm sitting out, there's a reason. I hate being dragged up to dance if I have decided to sit down for a bit.

DonnaBanana · 18/12/2023 23:07

You need to stand your ground in situations like this. It's not just getting pulled on to a dance floor but might be an older relative wanting to give you a kiss or maybe someone at work going in for a hug. You need to practice saying you have bodily autonomy and you do not wish to be assaulted in such a way. That will usually surprise them enough to end the encounter.

iwishiwasonacruise · 18/12/2023 23:41

Same 🙋🏻‍♀️ I sing and dance around my house all day long but loathe any form of dancing in public, hate it, literally dread someone trying to pull me up (which they ALWAYS do!). Why would it be fun to do something you don't like doing? To me it's the equivalent of "come on, everyone else is sticking pins in their eyeballs, I'm sure you'll really enjoy it!" Erm, it's a no from me! You are definitely not alone.

Absolutelyridiculous · 18/12/2023 23:43

I dont mind having a dance if I like the music that's being played, However some songs I hate and will gladly sit them out! I had one female who got hold of my hand and literally dragged me onto the floor and gripped tight of my hand all through rock & roll!. I was fuming but didn't want to kick off!

GellerYeller · 18/12/2023 23:53

I wholeheartedly applaud your post OP.

Going to a gig, music of my own choosing, I’ll jiggle/head bob happily all night.
Dragged forcibly by the ‘I’m a right laugh, me’ brigade to a party dance floor to jump around to ‘Come On Eileen’: just no.
ESPECIALLY if I’m sober in the local and someone’s filming it for Facebook. Do bog right off.

MrsGrumpyKnickers · 18/12/2023 23:59

I’m usually the only person not doing the conga at parties, and the one where you sit on the floor and go side to side. Can’t bear it. And I don’t do karaoke, ever. Don’t mind a jig on the dance floor but years of clubbing when I was younger has wrecked my knees. Wouldn’t even think about dragging anyone to the dance floor - that’s not fair.

tuvamoodyson · 19/12/2023 07:47

I can’t stand the ones who grab your arms to try to make you get up and dance! If I wanted to dance I would, I wouldn’t be waiting around for some drunk eejit to pull me onto the floor! If my husband and I make it to the end of a wedding eg (we rarely stay to the end) we’ll get up and shuffle round the floor to the ‘Last Waltz’ and that’s enough for us! To be honest, I’m quite happy to just watch…..

Confusedandanxiety · 19/12/2023 08:36

As soon as I saw the thread title I knew what this was going to be about!

I hate being dragged up to dance, predictably by people who say "come on, I just want you to have a good time, don't be boring".

Feenollfarleen · 19/12/2023 11:14

Some years ago my DP and I reluctantly attended a family event where the organisers (who were learning to dance) had hired this pair of professional ballroom dance teachers who would literally pull people onto the floor to give them a lesson. This clearly annoyed any number of people but when they came to me I flatly refused as I refuse to do any form of dancing due to mobility problems with my left knee, something that the organisers were well aware of. They wouldn't take no for an answer, trying to physically drag me out of my chair. This only stopped when I pushed them vigorously away, stood, up, packed my stuff and left. Got a snarky email from the organisers the next day, told them to feck off and haven't had any contact since, which suits me just fine.

SillyOldBucket · 19/12/2023 13:47

I don't think anyone beyond their mid-thirties should dance. They just look idiotic.

Jumpingthruhoops · 19/12/2023 14:19

Sorry but that's the biggest load of bollocks I've ever heard. @SillyOldBucket

FayCarew · 19/12/2023 14:50

@Jumpingthruhoops , your ability to dance vanishes at the crack of dawn on your 35th birthday.

Watch Srickly if you don't believe me.

Jumpingthruhoops · 19/12/2023 17:28

Erm, speak for yourself! I just turned 45 and I don't intend to stop anytime soon.

As they say: 'You don't stop raving when you get old, you get old because you stop raving!'
😁

changename01 · 19/12/2023 17:48

Hate this. I actually love dancing when I choose to but not when forced. A couple of years ago a friend's husband literally dragged me up to dance and was swinging me around. I suffer from stress incontinence and was horrified that I wet myself when he did this. It was just awful

beanii · 19/12/2023 18:06

Unchristmascadeau · 17/12/2023 18:38

I like listening to music at parties/clubs (not that I go clubbing now!) I hate dancing in public. I accept I’m in the minority and most people seem to enjoy it and that’s fine.

What I HATE is when people try to get me up to dance just because they’re enjoying dancing. Like if they’re a bit drunk they dance over and actually take your hand and pull you up on to the dance floor. It makes me feel so embarrassed and uncomfortable. Happened twice at our Xmas night out and it’s so awkward having to smile politely and say no and afterwards I just feel like such a boring weirdo because everyone else is dancing and I don’t want to.

Please no snark as I’m feeling a bit shit about myself today but just wondered if anyone else hates this?

Yep I hate it too.

I'm an introvert and been left in tears a few times by people who won't take no for an answer.

beanii · 19/12/2023 18:10

TodayForTomorrow · 17/12/2023 19:31

Ok, I'll go against the grain, and I say this as an introvert who as a rule, dislikes parties but likes music.

They're doing it to include you because you're presumably sitting by yourself, not talking to anyone. They're a bit pissed, and even if you're actually fine, you look alone and left out and they don't want you to feel left out. If you're engaged in a really interesting conversation with one or more others, they're not as likely to be trying to include you.

Few people are expecting much more than a side to side step with a bit of singing and pointing. Personally, I feel more conspicuous and self conscious sitting alone at a party while everyone else dances, than I do having a little shuffle as part of a crowd.

It's not the asking that's an issue - it's when you say no and they push and push until it's upsets you 🤷‍♀️ (or did when I was younger) - anything else they'd just accept a no.

Sjh15 · 19/12/2023 18:13

Yes I’m the same! Although I don’t mind a dance after a few drinks but soberly absolutely not
I went to thing the other week a bit like Magic Mike. People were asking if I was okay to the other people we went with because I wasn’t up for being lap danced on and stripped infront of lol!!!!

Weareallmadhere2 · 19/12/2023 18:17

I bloody love dancing and am good at it. I'm straight up and completely lose myself. However, if I don't want to as its a song I don't like or whatever, and someone tries to get me up, I dislike it very much. Happened the other week with an old school friend at a wedding and it was so bloody awkward!