Nightmare MIL-now shes stranded!!

[AlwaysAnxiousAnnie]

This might be a bit long winded but I'll try and shorten it down.

I posted before about my MIL. Basically she has long standing issue with alcohol. She will not stop drinking and she's torn our whole family apart in the process. Shes been admitted to hospital several times over the last 12 weeks because of her strange behaviour, symptoms. Theyv said she has alcohol related brain damage and alcohol induced psychosis, she was even briefly sectioned. She is delusional and delirious. She believes things that aren't true and even acts on these strange thoughts and scenarios in her head. For example, she booked and paid for a wedding for me and her son, suits, tiaras, all sorts. Holidays,hot tubs, puppies. She's turned hostile and violent. Assulating me, assulating her husband, criminal damage, causing a nuisance in the town, getting busses to towns 20 miles a day in her dressing gown and being confused. We've tried to get her all the help but social won't touch her and neither will GPs or anyone really because it's all alcohol induced and she's said she won't stop until she's dead. Her husband has been staying with us because the police were called loads of times and she is deemed as a risk to him. He's 75, shes 20 years younger. Anyway, last week she begged him to go home, all was fine for a few days, they booked a last min holiday that DIL paid for. The night before die to fly she kicked off and assaulted him, she was arrested and put in court but no charges b cause they couldn't "prove" and she maintained that he is the one that assaulted her. (Not true, she's gone through phases of going round telling anyone who will listen that we've all been handy with her,,including her son being in prison for assulating her lol) so he went on this holiday by himself. He was there four days and she decided to book her own flight and fly out there. She was there four days and the whole tim, she had been throwing bottles and smashing them, throwing her own shit at him, all sorts of stupid behaviour all because he's trying to reign in her drinking. You can't tell her, she never accepts responsibility or accountability for anything she's done and she's done some stupid shit! Its always everyone else's fault. So yesterday DIL flew back to the UK and left her there. We've since learned that they've kicked her out of the hotel for her behaviour, she's got no money. We've had the British embassy on the phone asking us to send money and book her a flight, she's at the airport abroad. she's lost her passport but they've said they will sort her some documents if we sort the flight. My partner has said no. He's not bailing her out anymore and she needs to accept responsibility (she's still maintaining that it's all DILS fault and she's done nothing wrong) DIL won't help her. I feel terrible and now we are all disagreeing because I'm saying we need to help her get home and they are saying nom she's made her bed and this might be the wake up call she needs. Thoughts?
The embassy have said they are speaking to the holiday provider about getting her home but we don't actually know yet what's happening, we've had no more correspondence. I do understand why my partner and DIL are so cross, she has put us through hell and back the last 12 weeks and each time she does something more and more extreme. She's caused us so many problems with police and social services (I have an ,18 month old) and we were safeguarded because of her coming to my house every day and kicking the doors in) . I know this is long but I just wanted to know what would other people do, how would they feel? I'm so upset

Been there with my brother, dealing with the issues for over 30 years with drugs and then alcohol, which ultimately killed him, causing physical and mental damage, with the psychosis really very difficult to deal with, if not impossible. Addiction is the worst kind of monster, harming the addict and too often those around the addict, and I all can say is I truely hope for something that helps you all and soon.

How does she need a home adapted for her needs when she managed to fly to spain alone and stay in a hotel ?

OP says mil has some conditions not related to alcohol. And without knowing the circumstances, what adaptations have been made, or what help she needs it’s not for us to judge is it ? The local authority has strict rules on who qualifies for home adaptations so there’s obviously a reason. A disabled person may be able to fly to Spain and stay in a hotel, but they may not be able to get in and out of the bath for example, or they may need something to make things safer in the kitchen or bathroom, or to access the property.

No-one on this increasingly unpleasant thread knows the full circumstances but it hasn’t stopped some from making vile comments and attacking other posters for supporting MiL. There are a few, like myself who can post from their own personal experience and from the information OP has given so far - I’m not attacking OP. FWIW I think she did the right thing in making sure her MiL was hospitalised and safe for the time being. And hospitals have to do a risk assessment before discharging vulnerable patients, so hopefully `MiL will be properly assessed and will get what she needs. If the family are concerned about what will happen after discharge, then they need to advocate for the appropriate services to be in place and make it clear that they are not responsible for her.

Please go to therapy.

You need to start saving yourself. You’re going to drown if you don’t.

You sound very 'trad wife'. Or maybe 'trad husband'.

If the family are concerned about what will happen after discharge, then they need to advocate for the appropriate services to be in place and make it clear that they are not responsible for her.

They have already done this but been told that the MIL has capacity.

I am speaking from direct experience of dealing with an alcoholic who has refused care, and experience of having to deal with these issues while having to protect other family members.

Honestly I'm sick of people commenting on this thread personally attacking me. I didn't come here for people's dumb opinions on my own mental health or personal advice about myself. Its down right rude and mean for anyone here to even suggest I should go to therapy for doing what I have done acting the way I have. It's called compassion and humanity. Maybe people like you ought to consider therapy for some kind of complex you've got for being an absolute clown with unwarranted statements and opinions.

@AlwaysAnxiousAnnie ignore the nasty unsupportive posters.

Lol and for what it's worth @LovePoppy I've had years of therapy but doesn't prepare me for people like you to come and make stupid comments about things they know nothing about.

“You need to draw a line somewhere and this is it. Can you not all go in on her taxi fare together and split the cost and then be done with it.”

Really??? It’s too dangerous for OP but it’s ok for some poor taxi driver??

My DP worked as a taxi driver for a few months when he was between jobs.
He transported some lovely people and also a few really weird ones.

Taxi drivers are people too, they have families and loved ones at home, just the same as everyone else. They are drivers, not police and not medics.

Would you like your husband to be put in this position, just because this persons own family refuse to pick her up because she’s a violent drunk?

OP - stop giving the arseholes the attention they crave.

Will your FIL be moving in with you?

He will b staying with us until he can sort something else out so for the foreseeable future.

I have experience of a family member who was an alcoholic and clearly my experience was different. My SiL had capacity but was physically unable to look after herself on discharge from hospital. Before the LA would provide care they enquired whether any family members were willing/able to do so. No-one was in a position to do it, so the LA arranged the care. What I’m saying is that if it’s the case that no-one is willing to provide care for MiL they need to say so, so that the appropriate authorities can step in. They will have made their position clear and if MiL refuses care and is still deemed to have the capacity to refuse, then she alone is responsible for the consequences.

Ideally, the local authority will step in and provide some kind of care package, but as I said up-thread, alcoholics often discharge themselves from hospital, against all medical advice, because their need for a drink is so strong. It is very possible she will just walk out the hospital as soon as she's able, without any care arranged, and it will all kick off again. Depending on how damaged her organs are, this is unlikely to be the final crisis. Glad your FIL is able to stay with you, OP.

Absolutely this. Taxi drivers are people with families

If it was my own mum I would most definitely leave her though and in fact I wouldn't even be made aware b cause I've not spoke to her for almost ten years. My own mother was horrifically abusive and almost killed me twice, and also neglected my siblings health needs so bad that he actually died so bit different..

This is pretty patronising to be honest. Yes, it sounds like you went through a horrific time.. but you are also using your own experience to downplay the severity of what your MIL is putting your DH & FIL through. At what point will you finally lose your compassion for MIL & have some empathy for your DH & FIL's own dreadful situation? At the point MIL has almost killed one or both of them at least twice .. or at least three times..? Or at the point she seriously endangers your own baby?

Just because what you went through with your DM was worse it doesn't give you the right to act like what your MIL is doing to your FIL & DH is any less severe & horrific.

I have never acted or insinuated that. That's your own messed up interpretation of this thread and the details I have provided. I'm not going to defend myself to the negative posts personally attacking me anymore. I stand by my decisions and the way I have acted. And to be honest I have shared far more here then I ever intended to. I created this thread for advice to see if anyone had had similar experiences and what would they do in this situation. I didn't create it to be personally attacked about my marriage, or decisions or myself etc. The situation is alot deeper and more to it then just this incident. Whilst I appreciate everyone's opinions and views and advice, I didn't come for negativity or drama. Anyone else that wishes to make stupid remarks and comments should maybe read the whole thread before coming at me. If you've got an opinion on this actual incident then share it but it doesn't matter because the situation is resolved. MIL is in hospital where she will remain until they see fit. What happens now is completely out of our hands and have made that clear that we will not be providing any care or assistance any longer. So really there's nothing more needs to be said. Thank you to all the kind posters who offered solidarity and support and kind words.

I can’t understand why you would post like this to a woman who has just been through a hell of a lot and has done a great job.

I really hope you take your own advice.