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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it was weird to show up with prawns?

352 replies

prawngate · 17/12/2023 12:04

Last night had a gathering at DM’s - DB and I plus spouses and our children.

Anyway while we were cooking DM’s phone kept ringing- her DB is calling. After a while I said we need to answer because I was worried something was wrong. In any case he then started ringing me I picked up and he checks we’re at DMs and announces he and new GF are joining us.
He goes on to say they’re bringing prawns and wants to know if we have garlic and lemon.

DM says she did mention we were getting together to him a couple of months ago but he was non committal and didn’t bring it up again.

They show up a few hours later and the new GF has a massive bag of raw prawns - with heads and eyes. She starts skinning them and stuff pulling bits out and giving my mum - who has already cooked a huge buffet for us complete with beef rib and gammon - instructions on what she needs and complaining there isn’t enough lemon.

Apparently the prawns were quite nice (I didn’t want to try them with the heads) but she sat and started cutting huge chunks of prime beef rib off and ate a TON which annoyed DB and I because we were each taking some leftovers home 🤣

Anyway AIBU to say it’s weird to show up to someone else’s Xmas do with a bag of raw prawns and then expect them to supply you with the things to cook it? (And to sit and eat other people’s leftovers)

OP posts:
howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 17/12/2023 12:06

Yes weird.

Your DB should have said something to her, preferably before she bought the prawns, but definitely once he realised her plan.

Weird!!

Original poster
prawngate · 17/12/2023 12:07

It was my mums DB who brought her. So they were in addition to me & my DB

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 17/12/2023 12:10

Pre-cooked prawns are awful so I would rather have some freshly cooked too.

Original poster
prawngate · 17/12/2023 12:11

isthismylifenow · 17/12/2023 12:10

Pre-cooked prawns are awful so I would rather have some freshly cooked too.

Fair enough but maybe just don't bring prawns?

OP posts:
Ginmonkeyagain · 17/12/2023 12:12

Ha! My dad is the kind of guest that would turn up to a party with two unplucked pheasants or a whole box of apples so .... 🤷‍♀️

escapethemaze · 17/12/2023 12:12

yes odd

but let me guess… this issue aside you don’t get on with her generally

Thestreets · 17/12/2023 12:13

I think you sound quite nasty OP, this women may have been trying to impress her new partners family (albeit in a non conventional sort of way!). It is clear you didn't think she belonged there and complaining that she ate "your" beef.

If she was invited to the buffet was the beef not for all the guests to enjoy? Rather than for you and your DB to have at the party and then take the left overs home?!

tillytoodles1 · 17/12/2023 12:13

If your mum was doing a buffet, then it was OK for her to eat as much beef as she wanted, you should have taken some and put it in the fridge at the beginning if you wanted leftovers.
We went to my cousins and she was annoyed that all the beef went as she wanted some for the next day.

NorthernAttitude · 17/12/2023 12:14

You sound pretty hard work too - not eating prawns because they have heads on, being annoyed someone else eats so you can't take home leftovers. I think you sound like you need to lighten up.

escapethemaze · 17/12/2023 12:14

Thestreets · 17/12/2023 12:13

I think you sound quite nasty OP, this women may have been trying to impress her new partners family (albeit in a non conventional sort of way!). It is clear you didn't think she belonged there and complaining that she ate "your" beef.

If she was invited to the buffet was the beef not for all the guests to enjoy? Rather than for you and your DB to have at the party and then take the left overs home?!

exactly

i would just think she’s a little eccentric (and enjoy the prawns!)

GalileoHumpkins · 17/12/2023 12:15

Some people just don't like to turn up empty handed. It's not a big deal really is it?

Original poster
prawngate · 17/12/2023 12:16

tillytoodles1 · 17/12/2023 12:13

If your mum was doing a buffet, then it was OK for her to eat as much beef as she wanted, you should have taken some and put it in the fridge at the beginning if you wanted leftovers.
We went to my cousins and she was annoyed that all the beef went as she wanted some for the next day.

Yes but technically the only invited guests were me, my DB, our spouses and our kids.

Mums DB and his GF were not expected.

Should add mums DB is vegetarian- we hadn't specially prepared anything for him as we didn't know he was coming!

OP posts:
Frasers · 17/12/2023 12:16

As long as they cooked then and shared them round. I think it’s fine, and they did. I find it weirder to try to limit guests food so you can take it home.

SausageChopsBellyFlops · 17/12/2023 12:16

I would find that hilarious and quite endearing, and it would be a funny family memory for years to come in my house.

Make sure you have a bag of prawns on hand next year so she doesn't have to bring her own 🤣

Giraffeinaplane · 17/12/2023 12:16

But it's your family not a formal dinner party with people you barely know. I often bring bits that need eating to my in laws - last night i took two mince pies and 4 clementines for my father in law, because they'd go uneaten otherwise.

You don't need to follow normal social etiquette when you're at home with your family.

CurlewKate · 17/12/2023 12:16

Prawns are a pretty usual feature in a buffet, aren't they? If I had access to some nice ones I might well take them along to a family event....Maybe I'm weird too!

Original poster
prawngate · 17/12/2023 12:17

NorthernAttitude · 17/12/2023 12:14

You sound pretty hard work too - not eating prawns because they have heads on, being annoyed someone else eats so you can't take home leftovers. I think you sound like you need to lighten up.

I don't like prawns. I would've made an effort to try them if they didn't have heads on

OP posts:
elizzza · 17/12/2023 12:17

Turning up with the raw prawns is a bit weird, yes. Generally I’d think if you’re contributing to a buffet you should bring the food ready to eat. YABU to complain about invited guests eating from the buffet though - leftovers are whatever is left over, you can’t preclaim them!

averylongtimeago · 17/12/2023 12:17

So she brings an expensive treat to share, and you are complaining?

Have you never seen whole fresh prawns before? If she peeled them they wouldn't need much further preparation other than adding some seasoning.

You then complain that she actually ate some food from the buffet- because you wanted to take it home!

She can't do right for doing wrong! If she hadn't brought anything you would doubtless be on here wingeing she arrived empty handed.

Tbh you sound grabby and mean.

CurlewKate · 17/12/2023 12:18

And they weren't leftovers-things are only leftovers when everyone at the event's had enough.

Aprilx · 17/12/2023 12:18

I think it is fairly normal to bring food to a family gathering, perhaps prawns are not on everybody’s go to list, but they are not that weird. What I found unpleasant was your comment on how much she ate. It was a buffet, the food is there to be eaten together, it was not for leftovers. Leftovers are a by product only.

Excited101 · 17/12/2023 12:18

This sounds just like my DSis. She should have brought her own lemon and garlic but I don’t see the problem with her bringing prawns- she just wanted to contribute! Maybe she makes the prawns quite a bit and they’re always complimented? Your DB might have told her ‘don’t worry there’ll be loads of lemon and garlic there, we don’t need to buy any’.
And no, ‘your’ leftovers don’t trump what someone wants to eat on the day. They’re leftovers, things that’s left over- if there is any.
I don’t believe there’s not a back story here because on the face of it you’re being V V U.

Original poster
prawngate · 17/12/2023 12:18

Thestreets · 17/12/2023 12:13

I think you sound quite nasty OP, this women may have been trying to impress her new partners family (albeit in a non conventional sort of way!). It is clear you didn't think she belonged there and complaining that she ate "your" beef.

If she was invited to the buffet was the beef not for all the guests to enjoy? Rather than for you and your DB to have at the party and then take the left overs home?!

Fair enough. But she didn't really belong to be fair. But we are always happy to see mums DB and as such she is welcome. I've met her once before and I do like her I just wasn't bothered about having any extra people join us particularly yesterday

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 17/12/2023 12:18

prawngate · 17/12/2023 12:11

Fair enough but maybe just don't bring prawns?

Show quote history

Is the new gf from the Southern Hemisphere by any chance. As if so, it's a totally normal thing to do.

Gowlett · 17/12/2023 12:19

The prawns, a bit strange.

Eating the food, not weird.

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