To think it was weird to show up with prawns?

[prawngate]

Last night had a gathering at DM’s - DB and I plus spouses and our children.

Anyway while we were cooking DM’s phone kept ringing- her DB is calling. After a while I said we need to answer because I was worried something was wrong. In any case he then started ringing me I picked up and he checks we’re at DMs and announces he and new GF are joining us.
He goes on to say they’re bringing prawns and wants to know if we have garlic and lemon.

DM says she did mention we were getting together to him a couple of months ago but he was non committal and didn’t bring it up again.

They show up a few hours later and the new GF has a massive bag of raw prawns - with heads and eyes. She starts skinning them and stuff pulling bits out and giving my mum - who has already cooked a huge buffet for us complete with beef rib and gammon - instructions on what she needs and complaining there isn’t enough lemon.

Apparently the prawns were quite nice (I didn’t want to try them with the heads) but she sat and started cutting huge chunks of prime beef rib off and ate a TON which annoyed DB and I because we were each taking some leftovers home 🤣

Anyway AIBU to say it’s weird to show up to someone else’s Xmas do with a bag of raw prawns and then expect them to supply you with the things to cook it? (And to sit and eat other people’s leftovers)

OPs had two posts where she's confirmed her mum was expected to at least help with the cooking.

OP what did you bring with you?

Good job there was plenty on this occasion then as OP has now said that despite the GF eating some of the beef she has some today for leftovers anyway.

Apologies for the slight drip feed but my DM wasn't happy about it either. Especially because she kept bossing her around the kitchen when she was already tired.

They arrived about 2.5-3.5 hours after we'd already begun. We had moved on to dessert.

Regarding the meat I think we were just really surprised by the quantity she ate. The joint was huge and there was more than enough food.

At least they made the effort to bring something! Maybe it is usual in her family to bring food and prepare it at the host’s place, who knows, but no doubt it was coming from a good intention.
The polite thing to do is to graciously accept and thank her, not complain that there will be less leftover for you…

Can I get some clarity on the prawns please?

OP when you saw raw, do you mean, grey and uncooked, or do you mean pink, and cooked, but cold? It’s not totally clear.

<misses point entirely>

Well it's a good thing they brought prawns. I've stretched a meal to feed extra people more than once. I'm sure that could be easily managed with buffet food. Unless you were the cold stingy type that counted the vol au vants 🤣🤣🤣

DM asked me to prepare a side dish for the children which I did.

Fortunately it was vegetarian.

Oh dear OP, try to keep the story straight

So you had finished the meal and moved on to dessert but the greedy guts girlfriend hacked into the beef that was not by then part of the meal.

While demanding ingredients from the busy host!

Ginmonkeyagain · Today 12:12

Ha! My dad is the kind of guest that would turn up to a party with two unplucked pheasants or a whole box of apples

Sis? Is that you?

😀

Prawns are expensive and nice to eat. Think it's nice she brought them and prepared them. Don't think anyone purposefully saves meat for left overs, it just naturally occurs. The buffet is intended for that meal, if it all goes, it's fine.

We've had people turn up to our parties with raw chicken before. Twice (different people each time).

Once it was a tray of big raw chicken thighs in sauce. Once it was just some raw chicken in a packet as it comes from the supermarket. Both parties were finger-food type parties where nobody sat down at a table to eat or needed cutlery (well, not until the massive slabs of chicken showed up).

What the actual fuck - yes it was weird and yes I hated it. I don't want to have to cook chicken when I'm busy hosting a party, putting out plates and cutlery and worrying about salmonella if I don't time it properly. (The supermarket raw chicken I didn't bother with and just put it in the fridge).

It does make me wonder why, though, especially as it happened twice. Do people think, "Yes, their parties are pretty good, but for some reason they're always short on raw chicken, so let's take some along"?

So what are you moaning about then??

I was initially on your side but your comments about them not being invited (false) and her not 'belonging' are hardly painting you in the most flattering light.

Well that's kind of convenient now a few people have disagreed with you

I've now found out that we (me, DP and cats) are a prawn family.

We have prawns for tea tonight. A whole 225g of them as a special treat because they're so bloody expensive.

I'd be delighted with a visitor bringing a massive bag of the things over.

@bellac11 it was a buffet not a sit down meal so we just sort of added things to the table.

In fairness I went back and had a few bits as I didn't want dessert. It was just weird - I do like her and will willingly see her again.

I expect she'll bring prawns but this time I'll be ready.

Exactly this @Lilithlogic @bellac11 .
Someone giving a valid reason, or declining, then being able to make it is fine. Keeping people as second choice isn't. Being faaaaamily doesn't exclude you from needing basic manners.

The other thing as well, it's OK for one or two people to do this, but not a load. I've had gatherings where a third of people flaked leading to waste, others where a load of extras showed up (after not bothering to reply) leading to a lack of food.

Again, as much as you say you'd be 'happy to see them' if they were truly happy to see you they would have confirmed their attendance rather than leaving it to the last minute.

Yes, this is an important conceptual distinction!

You just sound quite mean about this lady tbh. Meanie.

Your poor dm. Bet her house stinks after that..

Actually the only thing that would bother me about the prawns would be the journey from where they were purchased to the gathering.

🙄🤣🤣🤣 They asked ahead did they have garlic and lemon and were told yes. You have very selective reading memory. Perhaps if the answer was no they would have picked some up.

From reading the rest of the OP's clearly bonkers posts the GF complaining was probably more likely just a one off comment like could have done with a bit more lemon.

You seem as put out as the OP that her mum's invited brother came to lunch and contributed. Both weird!

Leftovers in my family are preplanned. We always cook more than we need so that we can have it for the next couple of days.

OP I would find this jarring too - including the beef.