To think it was weird to show up with prawns?

[prawngate]

Last night had a gathering at DM’s - DB and I plus spouses and our children.

Anyway while we were cooking DM’s phone kept ringing- her DB is calling. After a while I said we need to answer because I was worried something was wrong. In any case he then started ringing me I picked up and he checks we’re at DMs and announces he and new GF are joining us.
He goes on to say they’re bringing prawns and wants to know if we have garlic and lemon.

DM says she did mention we were getting together to him a couple of months ago but he was non committal and didn’t bring it up again.

They show up a few hours later and the new GF has a massive bag of raw prawns - with heads and eyes. She starts skinning them and stuff pulling bits out and giving my mum - who has already cooked a huge buffet for us complete with beef rib and gammon - instructions on what she needs and complaining there isn’t enough lemon.

Apparently the prawns were quite nice (I didn’t want to try them with the heads) but she sat and started cutting huge chunks of prime beef rib off and ate a TON which annoyed DB and I because we were each taking some leftovers home 🤣

Anyway AIBU to say it’s weird to show up to someone else’s Xmas do with a bag of raw prawns and then expect them to supply you with the things to cook it? (And to sit and eat other people’s leftovers)

I think that's rather lovely, fresh prawns for everyone, absolutely delicious.

I think you're being a bit mean OP she probably wanted to do something nice for you all.

And as for being annoyed at her for eating too much so you couldn't take leftovers home, well I think that takes complete piss to be honest.

There is clearly nothing this poor woman could have done that wouldn’t have pissed you off.

It would drive me mad if I'd prepared a full buffet then somebody did that! Either bring something that just needs adding to the table, or putting in the oven for a bit. Nothing that needs preparing, extra ingredients or that makes more work!
YABU on the beef though, but I think you know that already.

She didn't really belong? Why?

Because it wasn't a free for all. It was my mum her kids (plus spouses) and grandkids.

There were no other friends or family invited.

In my family this would be totally normal, but then my dad is a fisherman! Prawns are expensive so she probably thought it was a generous gesture!

I don't mind her eating but she ate a third of a large beef rib joint on her own. She had more than any of us

It does seem very uptight. Food at buffets is there to be eaten by the guests, people always bring contributions. My family are farmers so someone always brings some random food contribution to family parties (see aforementioned pheasants)

I have had friend turn up with cocktail ingredients and start mixing cocktails in the kitchen at one event I hosted. It's a party, unclench a little.

You didn't want her there and you're using the prawns as an excuse to justify it, look how weird she is!

It wasn't a party. It was a gathering of my mother and her children/grandchildren.

You’re being a bit uptight and inhospitable, op. The prawns sound nice, albeit a bit random. The beef wasn’t yours- you were taking the leftovers.

Not saying that isn't true but I genuinely have never seen anyone show up to someone's party with food that not only has to be cooked but they expect the host to assist them in cooking.

She also created additional washing up.

Thank you!

And yes I know that about the beef 🤣

Your first message says they were invited by your mum and obviously we're given the date and time to arrive. The fact that they didn't confirm to your satisfaction is neither here nor there. They were your mums guests, who she had invited. It is not up to you to decide who "belongs" at a party that you have not organised or were the host of, but merely an invited guest yourself.

You sound really mean about this lady and no doubt made her feel unwelcome even if that wasn't your intention.

Oh no! Additional washing up. At a party.

But it’s your mum’s db you should be annoyed with then, he brought her along. She was just trying to be helpful by contributing to the buffet.

It was not your house, it was your mother’s house and she had mentioned the gathering to her brother. You are making yourself sound more and more unpleasant with every post now.

but she sat and started cutting huge chunks of prime beef rib off and ate a TON which annoyed DB and I because we were each taking some leftovers home

This is way weirder than her bringing prawns.

She was nice enough to bring some food along.
I wonder what everyone else brought?

You don’t like her and I imagine whatever she brought and whatever she did would have been wrong in your eyes.

I think it was weird they turned up unexpectedly, it was strange they brought prawns with them without checking first (there could have already been prawns) and pretty rude to come and take over the kitchen and expect your mum to assist with their cooking when she was already cooking!

It was annoying about the beef but once they were accepted into the party you can't really control what they eat!

I think its a lovely thing to do

I often do this when I visit my parents.

So much for Christmas spirit! Jee wiz OP you sound hard work 🤣

Is every always about how you think it should be? I imagine your mum invited extra guests so she had someone nice to spend time with.

I wouldn’t think that was weird at all, although I would have bought the lemons and garlic with me just in case.

I agree with the folks who are saying this isn't particularly weird. Cooking together in the kitchen is a nice way to get to know poeple and bringing something and participating are nice qualities. Eating is also fine, the way you describe her as greedy, but she could equally post an aibu about feeling she shouldn't have eaten so much because others wanted to take "left overs" home and the greed about that. You just didn't want her there, but it wasn't your call. Even if you suspect that your mother didn't want her there, this still isn't your call. Your role is also to participate. Being critial adds nothing positive.

So you've never been to a BBQ? You sound the odd one. She was invited by whoever and brought a generous gift of fresh seafood. A lot would appreciate that. Youre salty because you wanted the leftovers and were sat monitoring her food intake like a carrion crow.