To think it was weird to show up with prawns?

[prawngate]

Last night had a gathering at DM’s - DB and I plus spouses and our children.

Anyway while we were cooking DM’s phone kept ringing- her DB is calling. After a while I said we need to answer because I was worried something was wrong. In any case he then started ringing me I picked up and he checks we’re at DMs and announces he and new GF are joining us.
He goes on to say they’re bringing prawns and wants to know if we have garlic and lemon.

DM says she did mention we were getting together to him a couple of months ago but he was non committal and didn’t bring it up again.

They show up a few hours later and the new GF has a massive bag of raw prawns - with heads and eyes. She starts skinning them and stuff pulling bits out and giving my mum - who has already cooked a huge buffet for us complete with beef rib and gammon - instructions on what she needs and complaining there isn’t enough lemon.

Apparently the prawns were quite nice (I didn’t want to try them with the heads) but she sat and started cutting huge chunks of prime beef rib off and ate a TON which annoyed DB and I because we were each taking some leftovers home 🤣

Anyway AIBU to say it’s weird to show up to someone else’s Xmas do with a bag of raw prawns and then expect them to supply you with the things to cook it? (And to sit and eat other people’s leftovers)

The prawns travelled in excess of two hours to get to us.

Thank you!

Fair enough she did say that. Maybe when it was 'mentioned' it was something she was thinking of doing but as her brother didn't seem interested she didn't end up inviting him.

We do have different set-ups. If my brother invited me for lunch I'd accept straight away if I was free as I love to see him and would obviously want them to know who was coming for numbers to cater for. I'd never in a million years just not commit and then when nothing better came along announce I was coming last minute! I wouldn't treat anyone like that let alone my own brother? Do you really do this to your family? Why don't you want to commit to seeing them?

Nicely priming the OP to make a new thread tomorrow about her awful food poisoning incident.

Sounds like you'd already laid claim on your takeaway beef before they arrived, and saw it diminishing before your eyes, even though you still got some.

It also sounds like you just don't like your uncles GF very much.

Hahahaha no food poisoning thread from me as I didn't eat them.

Well, it wouldn't have been SO 'last minute' if your Mum had answered his calls!

it's a bit rude not to have confirmed until the day, but it's his sisters for lunch, not a royal tea party!

I don't believe, for a minute she ate 1/3 of the beef.

its your MUM's house, not yours, she invited them. If you want limited guests, then you host.

i will say though, if you have lost your Dad in this past year, you can be as unreasonable as you like!!

You treat your own family like that? Why don't you want to commit to seeing them? Do you not really like them?

@Starseeking never denied it about the take away. It was in my op.

It’s pretty inconsiderate to turn up with raw unprepared food, sit there preparing it, and expect the host to cook it to the guest’s specifications.

Well it's happened so whatever people say, it's over. I'm sure you are a lovely woman and wish you and yours a wonderful Christmas. PS I can't stand the tails being left on either, especially when they are cooked, so annoying.

Ahh.... 'contributed'.
@RawChickenDeficit This behaviour comes from some people, having a vague idea that it's the done thing to 'contribute'. So they just grab whatever happens to be in their fridge, thinking 'job done'. They don't actually want to give any thought.

FWIW I think this entire thread has been derailed into the expense of prawns, etc. To me the real rudeness is the lack of confirmation + kitchen takeover.

Some people say it's just 'nibbles and lunch' with family and don't see the issue but if you're the host and have taken pains to organise a buffet etc it's a bit galling to be treated this way. And then bossed about in your own kitchen. People have been calling OP a meanie etc etc but why, they think it's perfectly acceptable to be non-committed is beyond me. Just because it's not a wedding or a massive catered do doesn't mean it's not important!

You sound incredibly posessive of your mums house, food she cooks and decisions about her relationship with her brother

She has had a relationship with him longer than she has with you

Ok, so she was also irritated, presumably she's able to tell him this, its not really anything to do with what you think about his girlfriend, you literally have beef with her over the beef

You sound incredibly selfish. If any of this is true of course.

Well as they always come to me, I don't need to commit to them. I commit to not being an arse if they turn up without booking in advance

I’m from Australia and someone bringing a few kg of prawns over sounds like such a treat! They’re heat with a bit of lemon and seafood sauce. Peeling them yourself and digging right into them is totally normal here! You’d be given weird looks if you bought already peeled prawns tbh the freshness and quality of them would be questioned 😂

As I said if you don't accept an invite then of course you are not expected to come. And to then just announce you are coming after the event has started is incredibly rude.

Wind your neck in. What bearing does that have on the question?

I'm with you OP.

If you bring a dish to a buffet, if you haven't already fully prepared it,you bring all the ingredients you need and you do it in such a way as to not disturb your hostess. I've also been to events where people come along at the 11th hour demanding dishes for cooking and oven space where there is none, and it's usually the type of person who likes to be the centre of attention.

It's plain rude to grab huge disproportionate portions of an expensive dish - I'd have given her a pass if she had taken a lot of the prawns, but not so much the beef.

Yes, good job. But there might not have been.

Essentially your Mother’s brother turned up to her house for a family get together. And he was ringing her several times to prevent turning up unannounced. It’s really no biggie. Not your house, not your brother, not your garlic and lemon to worry about. I think the prawns sound delicious.

She did invite him, but he was noncommittal at the time.

Her mum invited her own brother and when he called she could have said no it is rather late now. Instead she welcomed him in. It isn't the mum ie the host who had an issue but the OP her daughter who rather fancied taking home a large amount of rib of beef but has instead been left with a smaller portion and isn't happy about that.

wah wah wah

What you do is irrelevant though. For all we know, you're the sort who just gets a takeaway/supermarket bits when people come to visit. You'd be bonkers to insist on 'advance notice' for that, when you could just phone up Deliveroo/make an additional supermarket run for unexpected guests. Budget aside. Or maybe, you're the opposite, a super host who has a fully stocked fridge and can whip up extra in a jiffy.

That's different from a homecooked meal planned, shopped for and cooked based on the number of people attending.

Cedar's question is if YOU were the brother. Why would you not just tell your family whether you were coming, if given a direct invitation? As opposed to a 'drop around at ours sometime'. What possible reason could you have for leaving them dangling?

I like to have plenty of food for guests. I am on a tight budget though so wouldn't necessarily have lots extra in to 'stretch it'. I'd rather just have plenty of food in the first place than to have to eke it out. I'd also like to have plenty for a vegetarian if they were coming.

I think they should have confirmed earlier ,and it was very rude to arrive late with food when everyone was on dessert! I would have been cross too .Not very polite .If it was a barbie in Summer then fair enough ,not on at a dinner in winter!

You can really tell those who would leave family standing at the door as opposed to those who would invite them in for a cup of tea.