To not give a crap about mums new family

[Twobigsapphires]

Back story, I have a distant, fractured relationship with my dm.
mum was adapted as a baby and had a lovely childhood (her words) with much adored and now sadly missed adoptive parents / grandparents to me. I appreciate mum had always wondered about her bio parents and 5 years ago managed to trace them.

Mum has always felt alone after my grandparents passed, they had no other dc and wider aunts and uncles were all either deceased or moved countries etc. Dm has always talked about wanting a big family. Fast forward to now and she is totally obsessed with her ‘new’ family it’s driving me bonkers. I’m happy for her and she is lucky to have been welcomed by both bio parents into their lives, but I’m just not interested and it’s upsetting dm.

Her bio mum lives 4 hour drive away, she never has any other dc and now widowed lives with her sister and niece. The set up is a bit like the golden girls. I met them once, they are nice people and have welcomed mum into their life. Mum refers to the niece, her cousin as her sister. It’s a bit full on for me.

Her bio dad lives about an hour from bio mum, so 5 hours from her. He also never had any more dc but lives with his wife who has 2 friends up daughters, his step daughters. Again, I have met them once. Nice enough, but not my kind of people. Mum also refers to her bio dad’s step daughters as her new sisters. It’s all a bit intense and fake for me, but it makes mum happy.

Here’s the Aibu. She visits new family probably once every 3 months. They never cone to her, she always travels to them and stays over. She was due to go this weekend for Xmas get together but her dp, who usually takes her, in unwell with covid. She asked me to drive her, or my Dh as she knows I have a health condition which flares with driving. I said no. She’s now upset claiming as her bio dad is quite old this may be her last Xmas with him etc.

My reasoning for saying no is I’m not fit enough to drive that distance. I’m not asking Dh as we have plans this weekend, nothing exciting, but finishing up laying flooring in our dining room which we want done so we can host Xmas!

I don’t see the harm in her do taking her in the new year. She is so obsessed with her new family she expects everyone else to feel the same about them, but I don’t. There’s no feelings of loss for me and no bond there when I met them. Mum would like me to visit them with her more, but I’m not interested.

YABU IMO. Your OP makes you sound like a mean, bitter person.

I'd be interested in people who were genetically my family. I don't understand why you wouldn't.

But each to their own. You could be happy for and supportive of your DM even if you don't care, though.

The reality is very different from the theory. If you have no shared history at all the connections is often superficial. I have half siblings that were not part of my life (they were adult by then) growing up and I don’t have strong feelings towards them.

The OP sounds completely normal. There are plenty of people who don’t like the family they grew up in let alone people parachuted into your life when you are an adult.

All that understanding you say you lack is right there in black & white if you RTFT.

YANBU OP.

If that's far, can she fly?

I'd draw a line in the sand now and make it clear you won't be available for lifts in the future, her unrealistic demands will only get worse the older she gets. (I say this as an older mumsnetter myself).

Also, if she cared about them as much as she says, she wouldn't be risking taking Covid up there.

I totally understand it. (I'm not aware that I said otherwise.) Yes it's sad. Yes, it's life. They missed out on knowing some lovely people, my husband's only siblings.

They helped my husband to find some closure. He discovered that he had been wanted after all.

Thousands of people have no relationship or just a superficial one with their families even when they grew up knowing them. Plenty go NC. But you can't understand why OP might have no interest in some strangers ,regardless of blood?

Really?