Women with twat husbands

[Jixg]

Just don’t get it! So many mates complain they’re husbands are lazy, they not happy; I mean one had a husband who was doing coke behind their backs and she then took him back! Wtf do they have no respect for themselves?
I just couldn’t live or trust somone like that. Am I being unreasonable?

that's the spirit. keep going!

👏

@soyaalmond totally agree, there is still a huge expectation of mothers to give up work or go PT which makes them financially dependent on their partner. And also allows the man to not do their fair share!

@SeparatedAndFree
a lot of our grandparents and ancestors had this set up and managed perfectly well.

A LOT of women at the school I work at don’t work. They rely on their husbands. One example, pampered wife in a 2 million detached house with a 4x4, always away in Dubai (even during term time which just grates on me), kids always dressed in designer gear. Anyway, they’ve been together for a long time it seems and happy! So it can work!

I mean one had a husband who was doing coke behind their backs

He sounds super flexible

I needed to read this. Great post x

Thank you.

Or they had no choice!

@ladygindiva thank you so much. I hope I didn’t come across as bitter as I’m not. At all. I remarried nearly two years ago to the most wonderful man. I’ve never been happier. He’s a fantastic step Dad and the Father figure my DDs deserved 💕

That's brilliant. I separated new years day from my long term partner for pretty much the same reasons you gave. It's been a tough year but as you say, I'd rather die standing...hope you and your lovely husband have a wonderful Christmas x

Why people stay with twat husbands and partners is so complex.

Firstly, the men don't start off as twats.
When I first met my partner he wanted to take me out to places, walking etc, he was great fun, we shared hobbies, had the same taste in music and TV, he had a decent job and house and was a provider.
He's still capable of being all these things.
But he's also a lazy selfish verging on alcoholic dickhead.

People can be different things simultaneously.
I can be kind, funny, hard working, active and fun. But I'm also capable of being highly strung, stressed, shouty and aloof.

Sometimes it's fear of loosing children. Fear of being alone, fear of change.

It also depends on confidence, your support network. As well as money and resources. I have a decent job but I'd struggle to rent, pay all bills and keep DD in her hobbies on one salary.
I don't have the best role models. My mum never left my dad despite DV because he's all she knows, takes care of everything. She wouldn't know where to start without him.
Most of my friends, if they split up with their partners, would automatically have somewhere to go to ie. parents or siblings houses. I wouldn't.

Bloody good for you! You are so right 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻❤❤❤

Girl power!

Zero tolerance for drugs here so speaking from that perspective, I could never understand such people , unless they were users themselves?

This exactly is why everyone needs to remember that children are like sponges : highly impressionable.
I made sure I didn’t marry my Dad’s kind , whilst also making sure to not be docile like my mom was.

👍

I think (hope) that most people, of either gender, are reasonably OK people?

I know we hear some awful stories on here, and having once spent 4 years in an abusive relationship myself I am not downplaying it. But I hope the awful stories are on here because posters are desperate for support and are the exceptions, rather than the norm?

MY DH isn't perfect (neither am I) but he works really hard, helps with the DCs, and is 100% loving, gentle, trustworthy and wellmeaning. He doesn't cheat, take drugs, go boozing with his mates all the time, or get aggressive. Maybe he's a little bit of a dinosaur with some things - but a very minor 'twat'.

But the thread made me think about all the couples I know. Of course you don't know what goes on behind closed doors but I genuinely can't think of a single couple where I would class the husband as anything other than great. Or maybe slightly dull, but nothing bad. Perhaps because we are in our 50s and all the dodgy boyfriends got dumped long ago - but I really hope OPs views are not borne out in reality across the nation.......

Teenagehorrorbag

I think on here at times there is quite a bit of performative projection. The nuances, strengths and weaknesses and minor character deficiencies that most people bring to the table in a long term relationship are ignored and instead some folk here try to present themselves as the no nonsense take no shit alpha woman who will only consider settling down to what appears to be a non existent perfect man. You occasionally hear the smug pronouncements of the "My DH would not dream of doing that as I told him very early on that such behavoir is one of my 457 'red lines' so he knows exactly where I stand and the consequences" variety. We are told that they would only consider dating if said man somehow ticks every single box on a very long list of must have character traits and world outlook. Anyone who is a bit more pragmatic in their relationships is deemed to have a 'low bar' or 'low self esteem'. I always wonder what these people are really like away from this forum.

@TheCadoganArms @Teenagehorrorbag

I tend to agree with you both. No-one is perfect.

my partner moans about my shortcomings ( messy, poor timekeeper) all the time. And he’s right! His rigidity and need to have a plan really pisses me off when it’s a day off- not a military operation!

Both of us on our bad days would earn a LTB!

The ‘low self esteem’ jibe from the holier than thou brigade really annoys me - particularly as it’s from people who clearly have no experience of DV. I also wonder what their husbands would say about their lifestyle?

To me twat is a term of endearment (most of the time!) to my husband. I call him it frequently when he does or says daft things. Got him a mug a couple of years ago saying Lord twat of Knobbington Manor & he absolutely loves it! All 3 of our dds have good partners as well.
I have however had my absolute share of complete duck heads! Finally got lucky with my twatty dd! 😂

Love that mug idea! Well played!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Are you serious? Fuck off telling me to have some self respect!

My husband is pretty great. We share the childcare, the house work, the cooking, etc. We are a team and we love each other very much.

Im just able to empathise and understand why some women might feel trapped in unhappy marriages.

And yes if I ever did find my self in that unfortunate situation I can understand sticking it out until my kids were older so that I didn't have to turn their lives upside down.

I guess you would choose to move your children from their schools where they are happy and settled? Move them to a tiny flat in a less safe area away from all of their friends? Tbh I don't think either way is right or wrong and in the case of abuse I would 100% move but if my husband was just a bit useless it would be a bloody tough decision to make! Life isn't black and white.

mhmm carry on

I guess you would choose to move your children from their schools where they are happy and settled? Move them to a tiny flat in a less safe area away from all of their friends? Tbh I don't think either way is right or wrong and in the case of abuse I would 100% move but if my husband was just a bit useless it would be a bloody tough decision to make! Life isn't black and white

WRONG:

Neither me, nor my off springs are financially reliant on a man i.e. their father.

I would move back to my mortgage-free 3 bed flat in Chelsea (which I bought and owned before I started breeding).

I ensured I (their mother) was not dependent on a man before I started procreating.

No, I will not swear at you. You have your deal you have signed up to deal with, which, to be fair, is much already, as your post has just confirmed, to you.

Whilst here, may I mention that NONE is discussing DV victims who need and only get support as it should be? Not clear why those who have made themselves financially dependent on fathers of their off springs like to wrap themselves with DV victims, who none is discussing on here? guess it is clear why! Never mind. Oh, and Merry Christmas