Women with twat husbands

[Jixg]

Just don’t get it! So many mates complain they’re husbands are lazy, they not happy; I mean one had a husband who was doing coke behind their backs and she then took him back! Wtf do they have no respect for themselves?
I just couldn’t live or trust somone like that. Am I being unreasonable?

Agree. It's very tiresome. And those of us who believe women do have control of their lives AND accountability for outcomes are stifled from discussion as "victim blaming."

So these men are twats but somehow it's still the woman's fault?

I hate words like “well adjusted”. I’m not very well adjusted when it comes to relationships, which is largely why I choose to be single. This comes from having a very abusive upbringing with very poor relationship models. I’ve struggled for years with shame about this but as I’ve got older and I hope a bit wiser, I’ve come to see that it’s not my fault, I’ve always done my best and I simply have to work with what I’ve got. But I still hate hearing people referred to as “not well adjusted” or “unstable” in the context of relationships, as though it were their fault. If you grew up in a reasonably functional family and had functional relationships modelled for you, you’re lucky.

Ooh another man bashing thread boring

Honestly, they aren't all. Mine isn't, and my sister's isn't. My cousins' husbands are seem like twats though.

Sorry @PaulaPocket but you and your sister might just have different criteria to me - I’m likely to think that those men are sexist/controlling/lazy/coasting on their wife’s achievements and tolerance. Whereas you think they are great.

So many husbands are absolutely outclassed, outworked, and out thought by their wives. They are much nicer before they marry because they try. Then they realise they don’t have to.

Women keep trying to improve on themselves, while men don’t see why they should do the same.

@TheSuggestedAmendment

Sorry @PaulaPocket but you and your sister might just have different criteria to me - I’m likely to think that those men are sexist/controlling/lazy/coasting on their wife’s achievements and tolerance. Whereas you think they are great.

Sorry, I mean this kindly, but you're just being silly. For the avoidance of doubt, I'm not suggesting that twattish husbands do not exist, or even that they are not a majority, merely mentioning that mine and my sisters are not. And please do not patronise me with your 'different criteria' stuff.

The men I know are all pretty good husbands. Not perfect but not all of us are perfect wives. I don't know any marriages where the men don't share the childcare, cleaning, cooking, etc and I don't know of any abusive marriages.

However, I don't think leaving a marriage is easy. If my husband cheated on me or suddenly became a useless twat where would I go? I couldn't afford the mortgage on my own. I couldn't buy anywhere suitable locally with 50% of equity from our house.

So I would have to buy somewhere far too small in a less desirable area and make them share rooms when they are used to having their own rooms. I would have to share custody and only see them 50% of the time. I would have to pull them out of their private schools as we couldn't afford the fees whist running two households. I think I would try and stay rather than do that to them.

Steal some kit for me, please. I'm with you, sister 😘

There's all kinds of bashing of both men and women here, it's a car crash

A lot of people expressing insensitivity are probably contributing to dysfunctional relationships in their own lives. There are no "perfect" people out there. I consider myself quite good, I love reading about things about behaviours, changing social norms etc, but still make mistakes and learn things

All of us have different combinations of requirements in terms of how we're treated, and everyone is capable of getting into dysfunctional ones with individuals or groups of people. I'm using the word "relationship" to cover all kinds here: intimate, friends, families, work colleagues, acquaintances etc. Many ideas apply to all of them

It’s not always an easy move to make! Some need lots of saving and planning to make the move. Don’t judge!

Cool, I'd be homeless. He didn't start that way.
My kids would be homeless too. Where oh where would all of these women live? There is a rental crisis and a col crisis.
Don't be so judgemental and count yourself lucky that that isnt your reality.

A lot of women can't financially run a house on their own and need another salary to do so.

When you listen to the true life love bombing and scamming podcasts there is a definite pattern, women tend to fall for the charismatic men who sail close to the wind. They want excitement, not solid and steady and end up pa.tiny a high price for that. I made same mistake when younger.

Paying

I'm sorry you move in such unpleasant circles.

My father was a twat and I know of several incidents from before he married my mother or had any children that he was a twat then too. He got worse with age and children, as he thought he owned us and we were extensions of him.

My mother loved him because she saw his temper, violence and entitlement as manly strength. Paradoxically, she also saw them a sign of his horrendous upbringing (which they were), which she was totally healing with the power of her womanly love (which she wasn't). She got very upset sometimes at how he treated her and us but never enough to break away from her romantic delusions and see it for the dysfunctional car crash it always was. They did love each other but it wasn't a love that I'd ever want...and we kids paid the price, because we didn't have any romantic delusions to make it seem better.

Well, that was their first mistake. Everyone should be capable of supporting herself and any offspring without the assistance of a man.

Second, wouldn't it be preferable to share a flat with a friend or roommate than to stay with a bad husband?

Women are NOT responsible for the dreadful behaviour of many men.

Women ARE responsible for the choices they make.

MANY women make dreadful and obviously bad choices when it comes to who they have children with.

Seriously, in this economy and COL crisis - how? And, by the age they’re still fertile?

While it’s not impossible for the intelligent, well educated and lucky, on the average wage or less (which is the vast majority of the population) it’s really hard to raise kids on a single salary and have anything like a decent standard of living.

Yes. We need to hold women more accountable for their reproductive choices, for society's sake and the sake of the new humans they are producing. No man can become a father unless some woman grants him that opportunity. Woman need to be more discriminating about who gets to bio-reproduce in the first place.

And quite frankly, you've got to ask yourself, who is raising males to be this way?

They don't appear as full-grown assholes on their own. Maybe the parental standards for the behaviour of their children and young adults need to be raised. Where did men get the idea it's ok to be inconsiderate, selfish, ungrateful, lazy, critical and unproductive??

This is a really concise but eloquent post. Sorry you had such a bad time.

Shrug. Then one doesn't get to have kids! No one ever died of it, and surely using restraint instead of settling for a shit man and producing offspring into disadvantaged, deplorable, dependent-on-society situations isn't the better option???

Furthermore, anyone who really wants to be a parent can work hard from age 18 onward, and have a dozen years to attain education, jobs training, work experience, financial prudence, and find a good partner. And still be only 30 years old, which leaves a long window of fertility ahead, despite what the for-profit assisted reproduction industry would like you to believe.

If, in 12 years, someone fails to advance themselves enough to be employable, self-suffient, financially solvent, despite best efforts, then maybe they aren't suitable potential parents. We certainly don't need everyone to self-replicate on a burning planet. There are other viable, pleasant and healthy paradigms for a fulfilling life.

Bottom line is that EVERYONE owes it to society to be able to support themselves without public assistance before even contemplating reproduction.

There will always be people who earn less than average. In case nobody’s noticed, there has been a decimation in well paid secure careers in recent decades, and with AI there will be ever fewer nice middle class careers to earn highly at. It simply isn’t possible already for more than a fraction of the population to be financially secure enough to raise kids alone, and the percentage of young people on low and insecure wages is increasing all the time.

It simply isn’t a matter of work very hard from 18 and by the time you’re 30 or 35 you’ll be earning enough to deserve to have kids. If you limit it in this way, the only people who’ll be able to afford to have kids will be those with rich parents. Even in medieval feudalism the peasants were able to reproduce, for heaven’s sake.

Oh, and I’m 45 and childless by choice.