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AIBU?

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Original poster

Women with twat husbands

232 replies

Jixg · 16/12/2023 22:49

Just don’t get it! So many mates complain they’re husbands are lazy, they not happy; I mean one had a husband who was doing coke behind their backs and she then took him back! Wtf do they have no respect for themselves?
I just couldn’t live or trust somone like that. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Kitkat2065 · 17/12/2023 00:28

I was faffing around on the benefits checker (wondering how my neighbours afford the life they do when we work our backsides off to live next door to idiots... totally different thread!) And I'd actually be better off leaving my DP! Shame that I love him and our little family unit 😂

Viviennemary · 17/12/2023 00:31

Because a lot of folk would rather be with somebody pretty awful than be on their own. This applies to both men and women. Sometimes you don't realise quite how awful somebody was until you split up

gano · 17/12/2023 00:38

Lwrenagain · 16/12/2023 23:54

Do you know the way ex smokers hate smoking?
I think I'm like that now about husbands after having a really shite one. He was a twat.
I am filled with such sadness and often pure rage reading here sometimes. Takes me everything to not offer to go run them over in a stolen tractor or something.
(If you ever see an unhinged chubby little lass driving around taking out shitty husbands behind the wheel of a large piece of stolen farming equipment screaming "fear the deere!" I've finally fucking flipped.)

I wish these women had the money, support, self worth and most importantly guaranteed safety to leave these abysmal shower of arseholes.

Love this! As a soon-to-be divorced woman, I hear you. A lot of the women I know have abusive and vile husbands, even if they don't realise it yet. Husbands who can't have a drink without getting nasty, or they persistently engage in low-level cheating (sexting and the like) or full-blown affairs. They don't participate in housework or childcare, abuse alcohol or drugs, persistently lie about shit. The list is endless. I only know a small handful of couples whose marriages seem genuinely healthy. It's a very sad state of affairs.

ConstantRain · 17/12/2023 00:43

DragonMama3 · 16/12/2023 23:42

People are afraid of being homeless. There aren't many homes going - to let, to buy or to rent.

I bet if women were guaranteed a decent home for themselves and dcs in case of a split, so many women would do it as soon as the nonsense started.

SeparatedAndFree · 17/12/2023 00:45

I don't know, stigma? Think they need to try and fight for their marriage. Maybe you will be the first person in your family to ever get divorced.

Projection? Yes... left now!

XenoBitch · 17/12/2023 00:46

In the past, I have moaned that a DP was a lazy waste of space.. but then I need to also check myself in the mirror too.

Everyone has their faults. Some are deal breakers (using coke, yes, but only if you are dead set against it), but being lazy... I know my current DP struggles as he is ND, and I wont call him a twat for that.

No one is perfect, and everyone has faults.

TBH, I would prefer to listen to people big up their partners. But is seems it is not the done thing nowadays to speak nicely about people.

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 17/12/2023 00:47

you're being unreasonable to not understand the sociological reasons why many women stay in horrible relationships.
fear of the unknown, a perceived lack of support, longstanding negative views about them and their ability to cope.

WandaWonder · 17/12/2023 00:51

So the women are perfect and it is just the men that are twats?

MsCactus · 17/12/2023 00:52

I think it's self confidence. Both men and women put up with terrible relationships because they lack the confidence to walk away.

XenoBitch · 17/12/2023 00:53

WandaWonder · 17/12/2023 00:51

So the women are perfect and it is just the men that are twats?

It seems that way. The women I know who used to rant about their husbands had a lot of undesirable qualities themselves.

spookehtooth · 17/12/2023 00:55

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/12/2023 22:56

My female friends have a variety of wankers.

No idea why except the script that women need men. Ironic since men live longer when married so actually they need us.

Worse, beneficial to men and detrimental to women 🤔 Bad ones only, I presume, who knows. I'd like to think I'm not detrimental 🤷‍♂️

Nepmarthiturn · 17/12/2023 02:22

DragonMama3 · 16/12/2023 23:42

Talk is cheap. It's easy to say leave. It's bloody near impossible to do.

No, it isn't.

Nepmarthiturn · 17/12/2023 02:30

I bet if women were guaranteed a decent home for themselves and dcs in case of a split, so many women would do it as soon as the nonsense started.

Guaranteed by whom? Women need to guarantee this for themselves before getting into a relationship. It is always risking disaster to become financially dependent on someone else, even more so once you have children.

halfpasteleven · 17/12/2023 02:55

DragonMama3 · 16/12/2023 23:42

Talk is cheap. It's easy to say leave. It's bloody near impossible to do.

This. Impossible and terrifying.

EtiennePalmiere · 17/12/2023 04:23

There is a social stigma to being single, although there shouldn't be. I read the relationship boards and it's jaw dropping what people will put up with from a partner, even if there are no kids or shared finances.

For the women I know, their partners are ok but I've never in my my life thought to myself oh, I wish it were me going out with him.

Gillypie23 · 17/12/2023 05:31

Women can also be awful. People treat you how you let them.

stayathomer · 17/12/2023 05:37

The coke thing is an extreme example but in life you’ll hear people moaning about the crap and bad stuff and very little about how well people get on, the common ground they share, the fact they have a laugh together, the fun, the shoulder they are etc etc. plus I think some people forget they’re not perfect either- my dh could tell story after story but he accepts me for me and we’re a team. My single friends say ‘I don’t know how you put up with (insert a few clothes on the ground, him being a bit late etc). Just not a big deal to me- he’s my rock and we’re generally a great team and we love each other to tatters!!

ThePoetsSpouse · 17/12/2023 05:45

I completely agree. As a lesbian, yes we have our issues but there is a basic equality. So many female friends have lazy husbands and just accept it. I really don’t understand how the relationship survives and the resentment doesn’t build to explosion.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/12/2023 05:54

WandaWonder · 17/12/2023 00:51

So the women are perfect and it is just the men that are twats?

Pretty much, yes. 🤷

Pickles2023 · 17/12/2023 05:57

Luckily atm all the husbands i know are great. But heard horror stories from friends friends.

I think its just too hard to split. You have judgement/kids/financial worries ect you cant just get another home alone, you cant manage well on one income anymore. So unless its major the alternative can be worse :( theres not much support out there realistically.

The whole better the devil you know.

Riapia · 17/12/2023 06:04

The new feminist war cry.
Fear the Deere.
😁😁😁

Surlyburd · 17/12/2023 06:05

I thought i had a good one until i became unwell. He then developed a coke habit and went missing for days on end. Apparently the stress of my illness made him go crazy.
Im still with him. He has been diagnosed bi polar and on meds, but i thought we were managing that.
I still love him but feel sad that he never loved me enough.
I guess its the culmination of a bad childhood and getting what you feel you deserve as someone on here already mentioned.

WeneedSamVimesonthecase · 17/12/2023 06:06

I'm constantly staggered by the number of clever, funny, talented and successful women I know who stay married to lazy arseholes who don't respect them, and I genuinely don't get why they put up with the way they're treated by them.

BethDuttonsTwin · 17/12/2023 06:11

You’d be surprised what you’d put up once you have children. Throw in a child with additional needs that you have to leave your job to manage. So you’re financially dependent on your husband, your family are unsupportive and judgmental and housing in your area is the most expensive in the country and there’s not enough of it.

Smug OP.

ElevenSeven · 17/12/2023 06:13

I can’t comment too much from my l standpoint as my husband is also married to a twat.

🤣

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