Women with twat husbands

[Jixg]

Just don’t get it! So many mates complain they’re husbands are lazy, they not happy; I mean one had a husband who was doing coke behind their backs and she then took him back! Wtf do they have no respect for themselves?
I just couldn’t live or trust somone like that. Am I being unreasonable?

This. You sound almost smug about this. Yabvvu.

You sound like you have no idea about how past childhood experiences shape our adult ones. Look up attachment theory then come back. If you had a secure attachment style as a child you will be less likely to accept bad relationships as an adult but many of us are not so lucky or do not have the financial means or support network to leave.

Your post reminds me of one of my ex friends who once sneered "No man would ever hit me. I just wouldn't tolerate it" when our other lovely friend was sobbing over her violent husband. Most men don't start off awful you know and by the time they are often we are in too deep

I have plenty of self respect thanks, but I stay with twat husband as I didn’t sign up to only seeing my DC 50% of the time. People generally have their reasons for staying with a twat …… most of us aren't doing it for fun and are playing the long game until we can finally get the fuck out of here.

Partner is a twat, other partner complains, so let's have a baby, partner becomes a father othet partner complains they do nothing and still a twat, still complains, I know lets have a 3rd baby so now I have 3 under 5, still complains and now pregnant with 4 partner still a twat

Then it goes on

You don't hear about the good ones. People are more likely to share bad stuff than give details about the good. Also blaming a woman for staying feels like taking the responsibility away from the man.

If my husband was a twat it would be his responsibility for that, but I would have to the responsibility for not putting up with it

Birds of a feather flock together.

Either they like the bad boys or they're also twats themselves.

Good, well adjusted people tend to attract good people.

It's remarkable how many women are attracted to Alpha Male Badboy types only to eventually realise shock horror that they're irresponsible, unreliable, unfaithful and wholly unsuitable to a long term, stable and committed relationship.

Unfortunately these women usually only realise this after they've bred with them and it's the taxpayers that are left to literally pay for the consequences for their poor judgement and life choices.

Funny how the alpha jerk type tend to attract all these women and is never short of offers to stray.

Many women have very very low standards and will put up with poor behaviour as it’s better than nothing.

God yes! This is so pathetic!

@WandaWonder JUST WHY do a lot of women do this. I have no sympathy!!

Me either! I can't even find an ounce for someone complaining about a choice that they are making. Someone complaining their dh is a twat, but staying with them making them one too.

Yep absolutely! This girl I went to school with DH she is non stop complaining about and he’s done some really bad stuff yet she stays with them. And has had a third child!

And the good ole “oh so so is better now and making such an effort”. Yep until the next things happens!!!!!

I don't know. Some women have low standards - maybe it relates to the type of men they've had in their lives so far, low self esteem, fear of being alone, an attraction to bad boys. Who knows?
I have to say that in my own circle of friends the husband's all seem pretty lovely. I've been wracking my brains, trying to think of a twattish husband and can't actually think of any.

Pretty much this!

YANBU

If you choose to be with a twat then don’t moan about it.

Either leave or shut up about it.

I’ve lost count of threads which list all of the things their DP has done wrong but they choose to stay and then start a new thread a few months later saying he’s done something else.

The whole it’s not black and white is BS.
I’m a single parent working FT.
I’d rather be on my own and happy, than be with a twat who treats me like shit.

And it's always women being painted as meek, must have been taken advantage of, big bad man forced her, yet she has no agency or capacity for herself to make any decisions. And pointing that out is now victim blaming. People have lost sight of taking accountability for their own choices in life . It's you and only you that is responsible for your life. Making a bad choice over and over again, that's YOU not them.

I think there are many people who would prefer to be in a bad relationship than none, sadly. If being single, especially single with children, was supported more and socially more acceptable, perhaps it would make more people end bad relationships. Much more needs to be done, especially when it comes to those who then are bitter and unreasonable over shared parenting, but it would be a start.

The reality is like usually attracts like.

Obviously there's situations where women are just taken advantage of/loved bombed etc. but then it also happens in reverse as well for men.

Adults in general need to be accountable for the choices they make in relationships and in life. Especially when they bring children into the world.

You are right OP but also quite naive about the reality of women's lives. There are plenty of reasons women stay with twat husbands. In no particular order:

• Money: usually men still out earn women and leaving a man who provides most of your income is complex when you have children.
• Children: divorce and separation is at best disruptive, often traumatic for children, particularly when it involves living in two homes. That doesn't mean it's not the best option but you can't blame women for not making this decision lightly.
• Women are still constantly told by society that they need a man and that they are in some way defective or suboptimal if they don't have one. We know it's bullshit but the programming runs quite deep.

None of these are absolute reasons not to leave a bad husband. In fact I think leaving a bad husband is almost always the best course of action. But it's more complicated than you are implying.

I have to say I think the fact that more and more women are financially autonomous is starting to change things and is breaking that mental assumption that a woman is always better off in a marriage than out of one. Slowly, but it is happening.

This is why its so important for a woman to hold onto her job and to risk the siren call of being a professionally supported wife. A job literally is a lifeline and something which always gives you a degree of protection. I can't stress enough how important this is.

Being single is not really stigmatised now though, not like it used to be

The problem now is with cost of living - for a decent standard of living you need two incomes, if you're not a top earner yourself. Especially if you're renting.

This is very victim blaming. ‘like attracts like’ - nope. Men are mean to women. Just look at the murders and sexual assault rates.

@User135644 agree. The only people I have sympathy for are the children who did not ask for a life like this. Boils my blood with women so desperate for a man, that there's stepfather after stepfather in their lives and not to mention children with each one too. Off course it's the poor woman who was taken advantage and manipulated 🙄