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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick to the back teeth of friends being flat broke, then hopping straight on social media to show off their latest 'keeping up with the Joneses' purchase

348 replies

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 21:12

SO many people I know, they'll talk about their financial situation and being wiped out by their mortgage, having nothing left when the bills have gone out, etc.

Yet, when you log onto social media, the AGA craze/renewal among the middle classes (and wannabes) came along - suddenly they have one. Hastily throwing out perfectly good trees to replace them with Balsam Hill trees because they heard last week Balsam Hill is THE tree to have. The pizza oven trend? They all got on it straight away. And they're not afraid to let you know.

The grey house trend? They've had decorators in, DFS 0% APR'd the living room up, and had the house rendered the next month. Grey trend dies out? They've redone the whole house. They get a cockapoo to join the pug they have, still hanging on from the pug craze. Then a dachshund during the craze. Then a frenchie. Etc. They've got to have the professional photos of their children sent as Christmas cards. When showing something off outside their house, they've got to have their his and hers grey and white Mercedes/Audis/BMWs with the private plates in the pictures, and their kid's matching kiddie car.

And you have to know everything they have is the 'real McCoy', not just a copy, because they've made sure you know.

Yet, the group of 10 couples or so I know who do this, they're dead ass fucking broke. All of them. Even for the ones who aren't, they're physically unwell from the stress of holding it all together due to the nature of their income and lifestyle, and one crisis could put them on the breadline. All mortgaged up to the absolute hilt. I'd assumed it must be hard to get a mortgage, but the kind of lending these people have been trusted with is crazy - 2008, anyone?

One of them moaned about their dire situation, yet the next week were doing coke on a night out, then the next month they'd booked a holiday to Dubai on credit because you're nobody unless you went to Dubai this year, right?

It bothers me so much because the kind of boasting these people do on social media is what fuels this need to keep up with the Joneses and I'm bloody sick of it. They're engineering their own downfall by keeping this cycle going.

They joke and consider us tight, but we're the ones with disposable income in our hands at the end of the month. They can't comprehend how we live how we do with much less than they do, but we engineered our lives to be this way. We've had to explain numerous times that the reason we don't have a mortgage, is because the cars are almost older than us, our phones are so old that they're not even supported with updates and security patches anymore.

Creating a lifestyle they can't afford, bringing kids into it, then moaning to friends about how they're pay cheque to pay cheque and pay £1-2k in mortgage costs every month before you even factor in the rest of the bills, car costs, etc, but are on Facebook showing off their newest nouveau riche craze. Boils my piss.

OP posts:
SpringingJoy · 16/12/2023 23:18

We've had to explain numerous times that the reason we don't have a mortgage, is because the cars are almost older than us, our phones are so old that they're not even supported with updates and security patches anymore

Have you only recently paid off the mortgage?

Surely with no mortgage you have additional disposable income - enough to get a decent, functional phone at least?

Or is the reason for the rage because these people earn more than you yet are using their wealth unwisely? (In your view) which enrages you?

redalex261 · 16/12/2023 23:20

Why do you call them your friends? Why do you care? Does their behaviour directly impact you?

PonyPatter44 · 16/12/2023 23:20

Balsam Hill trees have been on massive sale for the last month, they cost a few hundred quid, nowhere near a grand. My SIL has a pizza oven and fake grass, but she's a nice person so I don't hold it against her.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 16/12/2023 23:21

You are clearly overinvested. They may not be spending wisely but it’s their money. Unless they are tapping you up for loans then just scroll past and don’t involve yourself in their finances.

Ulysees · 16/12/2023 23:22

@balsamshill I know you haven't exaggerated as I live in that part of the world. I can't understand the mentality at all.
Like you we're mortgage free, own our cars. But we don't need the best. We're lucky compared to a lot. Although your phone sounds dire🤣
Fur coat and no knickers is what my parents would have called them.

ArsenicInTheAppleTart · 16/12/2023 23:24

'Got no mortgage and my car's almost older than me with about 200k on the clock'

'I do take a weird bit of pride in using a phone older than my DS.'

Jacob Marley will be clanking his chains at you in a few days' time.

TheHateIsNotGood · 16/12/2023 23:24

Maybe conducting life via social media is a pretty piss poor way of, say, conducting life or, even, conducting anything. Turn off the SM shite, job done.

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 23:26

SpringingJoy · 16/12/2023 23:18

We've had to explain numerous times that the reason we don't have a mortgage, is because the cars are almost older than us, our phones are so old that they're not even supported with updates and security patches anymore

Have you only recently paid off the mortgage?

Surely with no mortgage you have additional disposable income - enough to get a decent, functional phone at least?

Or is the reason for the rage because these people earn more than you yet are using their wealth unwisely? (In your view) which enrages you?

It's literally just because we'll be around friends, chatting and having a drink etc, and the topic of money will come up. They'll all start moaning about their dire finances, yet what they boast of and post online is so far removed from what any sensible person would do in their situation.

It's not really about what I have vs what they have - I don't really have an issue with my phone, I don't care enough about it to replace it. I just don't understand how anyone in their right mind can be distraught over being 'broke' yet not see where they're going so horribly wrong.

Of course it's their money, but if they're going to moan, then why make the decisions they make. I don't care what stupid financial decisions people make if they just own them and stand by them.

OP posts:
randomuser2019 · 16/12/2023 23:26

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

anarchicparadise · 16/12/2023 23:31

YANBU.

I see it on Facebook.

many many moons ago a woman I knew who was never done flashing her mulberry bags, expensive holidays, designer clothes, kids at private school had my husband at her door as he had a warrant to enter the property to switch off her electricity because she hadn’t paid the bill for so long 😂 (part of his job many years ago)

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

I care because I am absolutely done with people being backhanded about it all right to my face, I've actually had people say negative things about my phone and my car. It's just icky, I may be tight at times but why comment? I've never been negative about any of their financial choices to their face, or to anyone in real life. This is the only time I've said anything about it, other than a lighthearted whine about it on a much more superficial level to my SD.

OP posts:
SpringingJoy · 16/12/2023 23:34

You mix with a crowd where there are conversations about Fendi vs Gucci, where people buy trees for a grand and have private number plated Audi's on the drive.

Yet they/you seem to consider a mortgage payment of over £1k to be...what? Unreasonably high? Really?

Midwinter91 · 16/12/2023 23:36

smug much?

You’re obviously very financially fortunate to be able to pay off your mortgage before them. We earn well and drive old cars but perhaps I’m a bit younger than you because when we bought a house a mortgage of 1kpcm was the only option.

HappyMavis · 16/12/2023 23:37

anarchicparadise · 16/12/2023 23:31

YANBU.

I see it on Facebook.

many many moons ago a woman I knew who was never done flashing her mulberry bags, expensive holidays, designer clothes, kids at private school had my husband at her door as he had a warrant to enter the property to switch off her electricity because she hadn’t paid the bill for so long 😂 (part of his job many years ago)

Hahaha, that's so awesome, what a great job!!!!! I bet that really showed her!!!!!!!!

Floooooof · 16/12/2023 23:38

I thought you were going to say you live in Essex 😂we definitely have a few of them around here. Whenever the subject of designer clothes etc comes up I just kind of zone out and nod and smile vaguely. Mil will wear lulu lemon and then struggle to pay her council tax. There's no point getting wound up over it.

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 23:41

Midwinter91 · 16/12/2023 23:36

smug much?

You’re obviously very financially fortunate to be able to pay off your mortgage before them. We earn well and drive old cars but perhaps I’m a bit younger than you because when we bought a house a mortgage of 1kpcm was the only option.

We were not financially fortunate, we just bought a shit heap and put our heart, soul and everything we had into making it a home. Obviously renos aren't for everyone, but there are 2/3 bed terraced houses in good condition for relatively low prices round here.

I refuse to have people who bought a 5 bedroom house who are absolutely ruined by the mortgage payments, with multiple executive cars on the drive and a house full of top of the range furniture on credit tell me they're broke or poor any longer, it's just madness.

I've experienced poor. They're not poor. Just stupid, and with a bit of planning they could sort themselves out in a year or so.

OP posts:
Birdcar · 16/12/2023 23:42

Stop hanging out with people you don't like.

MrsApplepants · 16/12/2023 23:44

I would feel sorry for them- holidays in Dubai, pizza ovens, personalised plates, DFS furniture - all the things you’ve mentioned are naff as hell. Proves money can’t buy either taste or class.

80skid · 16/12/2023 23:44

I think it's interesting to see what others prioritise financially. Everyone has to decide about long term investment/stability versus current living standards. I know people who drive brand new range rovers but live in pretty non salubrious housing, of some who have luxury holidays but are frugal every day and others who brag about second hand frugal gifts for kids at Christmas and birthdays yet live on takeaways, drink every night and smoke. Each to their own.

My take home from this is not assuming that the lifestyle people present to the world is the full picture. My friend who spends extortionately on her kids has a number of maxed out credit cards and lives in fear of her car breaking down. During lockdown, someone told me they and partner had no furlough but £1k car repayments between them. I often think im surrounded by much more affluent people than me, and I most probably am. But i live somewhere nice, we're all well fed and have hobbies, and realistically, if given the disposable income for that brand new white SUV on the drive, i'd use the money to overpay my mortgage.
i do have a private number plate though 😜

betterangels · 16/12/2023 23:45

Birdcar · 16/12/2023 23:42

Stop hanging out with people you don't like.

Nah, it's better to be nice to their face and then call them stupid online...

Cuttysark4321 · 16/12/2023 23:45

I think I understand - the materialism these days , which is totally exacerbated by social media, is nauseating. I have total fatigue from it too. It's worse at this time of year. It sounds like you aren't a particularly materialistic person but social media is shoving a lot in your face and it's annoying you. Anyone can get credit with a few payslips, and it's nothing to boast about. It doesn't sound like you share the same values as your friends so I would move on

Minglingpringle · 16/12/2023 23:46

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 23:33

I care because I am absolutely done with people being backhanded about it all right to my face, I've actually had people say negative things about my phone and my car. It's just icky, I may be tight at times but why comment? I've never been negative about any of their financial choices to their face, or to anyone in real life. This is the only time I've said anything about it, other than a lighthearted whine about it on a much more superficial level to my SD.

Well, they are rude was well as silly.

As lots of people have said, they don’t seem like very good friends. Find new ones?

randomuser2019 · 16/12/2023 23:47

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

TommyNever · 16/12/2023 23:48

I don't know anyone like the people described, and if I did, I wouldn't regard them as friends. I'm nothing like that and keeping up with wealthy people of poor taste doesn't interest me.

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 23:48

betterangels · 16/12/2023 23:45

Nah, it's better to be nice to their face and then call them stupid online...

When they're putting their children's stable home at risk with their financial decisions, they're stupid.

OP posts: