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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick to the back teeth of friends being flat broke, then hopping straight on social media to show off their latest 'keeping up with the Joneses' purchase

348 replies

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 21:12

SO many people I know, they'll talk about their financial situation and being wiped out by their mortgage, having nothing left when the bills have gone out, etc.

Yet, when you log onto social media, the AGA craze/renewal among the middle classes (and wannabes) came along - suddenly they have one. Hastily throwing out perfectly good trees to replace them with Balsam Hill trees because they heard last week Balsam Hill is THE tree to have. The pizza oven trend? They all got on it straight away. And they're not afraid to let you know.

The grey house trend? They've had decorators in, DFS 0% APR'd the living room up, and had the house rendered the next month. Grey trend dies out? They've redone the whole house. They get a cockapoo to join the pug they have, still hanging on from the pug craze. Then a dachshund during the craze. Then a frenchie. Etc. They've got to have the professional photos of their children sent as Christmas cards. When showing something off outside their house, they've got to have their his and hers grey and white Mercedes/Audis/BMWs with the private plates in the pictures, and their kid's matching kiddie car.

And you have to know everything they have is the 'real McCoy', not just a copy, because they've made sure you know.

Yet, the group of 10 couples or so I know who do this, they're dead ass fucking broke. All of them. Even for the ones who aren't, they're physically unwell from the stress of holding it all together due to the nature of their income and lifestyle, and one crisis could put them on the breadline. All mortgaged up to the absolute hilt. I'd assumed it must be hard to get a mortgage, but the kind of lending these people have been trusted with is crazy - 2008, anyone?

One of them moaned about their dire situation, yet the next week were doing coke on a night out, then the next month they'd booked a holiday to Dubai on credit because you're nobody unless you went to Dubai this year, right?

It bothers me so much because the kind of boasting these people do on social media is what fuels this need to keep up with the Joneses and I'm bloody sick of it. They're engineering their own downfall by keeping this cycle going.

They joke and consider us tight, but we're the ones with disposable income in our hands at the end of the month. They can't comprehend how we live how we do with much less than they do, but we engineered our lives to be this way. We've had to explain numerous times that the reason we don't have a mortgage, is because the cars are almost older than us, our phones are so old that they're not even supported with updates and security patches anymore.

Creating a lifestyle they can't afford, bringing kids into it, then moaning to friends about how they're pay cheque to pay cheque and pay £1-2k in mortgage costs every month before you even factor in the rest of the bills, car costs, etc, but are on Facebook showing off their newest nouveau riche craze. Boils my piss.

OP posts:
daffodilandtulip · 16/12/2023 23:02

Agree OP. I'm sick of people complaining about ridiculous mortgages that they'll never paying off until after retirement. Just buy a smaller house with less spare rooms and stop decorating every year. (North so perfectly possible.)

Sodullincomparison · 16/12/2023 23:02

This is very confusing for me. Am I one ( whatever one is) or not? 😂😂😂

Yes

  1. been to Dubai several times
  2. been to Lapland
  3. had steak at the Ivy just last week

but

  1. drive an old car
  2. not brand driven for clothes etc
  3. never had fake eyelashes etc as mentioned

or as my mum says “don’t count anyone’s money for them” as it’s none of your business.

Desecratedcoconut · 16/12/2023 23:02

Well it is bloody Christmas! I think I'll be having a couple of nice cocktails too - and I still have a couple of years on the mortgage. 🍸🍸

DoctorZero · 16/12/2023 23:03

Don't get wound up about it hun.

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 23:03

Catslovenip · 16/12/2023 23:01

Yes ! Being frugal is the new hobby for the middle classes. Charity shops, library not Waterstones, camping , competitive recycling and up cycling. It’s fiercely competitive, the trophy for the most eco/frugal/thrifty family. Is hilarious to watch them all go at it.

I doubt that's a trend the wannabes will adopt - how will they manage to spin throwing away a perfectly good Christmas tree to buy....another plastic Christmas tree for quadruple the price of the last one?

OP posts:
ichundich · 16/12/2023 23:03

You know some strange people, OP.

Minglingpringle · 16/12/2023 23:04

They sound silly. Lucky you’ve got your life more under control. Pat yourself on the back!

TheSeasonalNameChange · 16/12/2023 23:04

I get it OP. I wouldn't mind if they didn't moan to me about being broke! I've started distancing myself because I can't be bothered to be sucked into it.

Kittylala · 16/12/2023 23:05

I think it's the pressure of SM. I'm always broke. Seeing friends having nice things makes me feel depressed. I want to join them. I want to fake it to make it I suppose. To feel good again.

luckylavender · 16/12/2023 23:06

I don't know anyone like that I'm pleased to say. I certainly wouldn't choose them as friends.

CandyLeBonBon · 16/12/2023 23:06

You sound very unhappy op.

ArsenicInTheAppleTart · 16/12/2023 23:06

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 23:03

I doubt that's a trend the wannabes will adopt - how will they manage to spin throwing away a perfectly good Christmas tree to buy....another plastic Christmas tree for quadruple the price of the last one?

what is it about you own life that has you so dissatisfied that it's led to you obsessing over other people's spending habits?

Charlize43 · 16/12/2023 23:07

Gosh! Not sure I'd want friends like these. Perhaps ask yourself why you have them?

None of my friends flash their lifestyles on social media because I'm 57.

friendlycat · 16/12/2023 23:08

Sorry but if these people think it elevates their standing in life by drinking in a Slug and Lettuce or having lunch in The Shard that’s amusing!

Catslovenip · 16/12/2023 23:10

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 23:03

I doubt that's a trend the wannabes will adopt - how will they manage to spin throwing away a perfectly good Christmas tree to buy....another plastic Christmas tree for quadruple the price of the last one?

Oh don’t get me wrong. The ones I’m talking about will drop 10k on flights when they crave some winter sunshine but they’ll spin it as an eco holiday. My point is that it’s all bullshit really. These type of people are the same as the sort you are talking about . It’s all for show. Your White BMW people are seeking the same attention as my foraging for wreath making berries people. All bullshit but amusing as hell to observe.

randomuser2019 · 16/12/2023 23:11

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 23:11

friendlycat · 16/12/2023 23:08

Sorry but if these people think it elevates their standing in life by drinking in a Slug and Lettuce or having lunch in The Shard that’s amusing!

I think it's because we have a lot of travelers in the area and anything the travelers do, they do too.

Travelers started using Spanish cleaning products, so they buy Spanish cleaning products. Travelers start liking the Shard, so they like the Shard too. Travelers get obsessed with Fendi, so Gucci is back out and Fendi is in, etc.

Thing is though, I think the travelers actually do have that money to spend, and don't cry on about being unable to afford their lifestyles while blowing money on tacky stuff.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 16/12/2023 23:11

I don’t know anyone who posts about acquisitions, you can mute them if you don’t like it.

randomuser2019 · 16/12/2023 23:11

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

RedToothBrush · 16/12/2023 23:13

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 22:58

I was more referring to spending years of my life living in a town of people I don't like - because I'm probably more guilty of wanting the big fish, small pond thing than I let on.

To a degree, I'm the same as these people I dislike in a different way. Yes, it probably makes me a hypocrite. But the point of the post was more I cannot stand these wannabes, who are carrying LV purses with no money to put in them, who will moan about being unable to pay their mortgage, then be drinking multiple £15 cocktails at the Slug and Lettuce the next weekend.

Move then. So you can surround yourself with posher friends.

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 23:13

Catslovenip · 16/12/2023 23:10

Oh don’t get me wrong. The ones I’m talking about will drop 10k on flights when they crave some winter sunshine but they’ll spin it as an eco holiday. My point is that it’s all bullshit really. These type of people are the same as the sort you are talking about . It’s all for show. Your White BMW people are seeking the same attention as my foraging for wreath making berries people. All bullshit but amusing as hell to observe.

We're all anthropologists now I guess, whether we like it or not. Thanks social media!

OP posts:
balsamshill · 16/12/2023 23:15

RedToothBrush · 16/12/2023 23:13

Move then. So you can surround yourself with posher friends.

I'd rather not, I don't plan on breaking my back attempting to move up a few classes, or blowing money to buy things I think 'posh people' have so people like me more.

OP posts:
OuiOuiMonAmiJeMappelleLafayette · 16/12/2023 23:15

Sounds like their expenses have increased dramatically, but nowhere like normal people's expenses have increased. A bit like that Gordon Ramsey interview where he told the story of how he asked his FIL for a loan to buy a house because he was 'skint' but his FIL told him to sell his Porsche (which he did).

It's all about perspective, isn't it?

Plus, Instagram is not the real world, it's very much 'living your best life' as it's all photos.

I have a mix of friends that are on both Instagram and FB. The FB where there's a limited (friends only) audience, you see a lot more 'real' posts, but their instagrams are only the good stuff!

HarryOHayandBettyOBarley · 16/12/2023 23:15

You sound incredibly overinvested OP.
This thread has made me feel so glad I moved from a small place to a city. I would hate to live where people (think) they know more about me than I know myself.

Itssnacktime · 16/12/2023 23:16

Why let it bother you? Stick to your own lane and head towards your goals, don't start looking sideways and judgey at them they know what they're doing. They're building a house of cards which will one day fall. They say they're stressed but clearly they're not as they're making the situation worse. Honestly don't worry about it!