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Original poster

Was my behaviour at the Christmas do out of line?

290 replies

strawberrycream1233 · 16/12/2023 18:38

For context, I work in the public sector.

We had a Christmas party last night. I went for some drinks with my department before and arrived VERY drunk. My colleagues were dancing with one of the younger guys and giving him lots of attention. I felt sorry for his friend who is shy and was standing on his own at this time, ignored. I pulled him over to dance, and (I’m cringing) got pretty handsy with him, hands all over his bum and pulling him closer. Lots of people noticed and commented! I hear how awful this sounds now, but in my mind I was just having fun and including him, although I can see how it probably looked a bit seedy.

Towards the end of the night (I was even more drunk by this point) he pulled me round the corner away from the group. I’m hazy at this point, but I’m pretty sure he tried to kiss me. I know I didn’t kiss him back, and shocked he was being so forward (he’s very very shy and quiet). Another colleague bobbed round the corner and pulled me away and I was taken home!

Woken up this morning convinced I’ve been predatory and am going to be sacked for sexual harassment, and that I’ve taken advantage of him and shouldn’t have touched him. There would have been tons of people that saw me touching him. I just keep thinking if it was reversed genders and a man had been all over ME like that, he would have been (rightly) held to account there and then, whereas no one really seemed bothered by me doing it. We’re both similar age and don’t work together closely, our paths probably won’t cross for a while to be honest, which makes it more awkward,

Was I unreasonable? How can I applied for my behaviour?!

OP posts:
ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 16/12/2023 19:17

You have been really inappropriate.

Even if he doesn't say anything, I hope your boss does. You can't just feel a colleagues arse. Apologies and don't drink at work events if you cannot behave appropriately.

OhComeOnFFS · 16/12/2023 19:18

That's really shocking behaviour on your part, OP. I think you should apologise before you go to work on Monday.

Do you know anyone who has his number?

Sodapop1 · 16/12/2023 19:19

You’ll feel worse about it today because of the hungover anxiety. You’ll probably have a bit of an awkward encounter next week then everyone will have forgotten after Christmas!

Aquamarine1029 · 16/12/2023 19:19

From what you've written here, your judgement seems to be very, very poor. You thought it was appropriate to show up at a work do already drunk?

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 16/12/2023 19:19

OhComeOnFFS · 16/12/2023 19:18

That's really shocking behaviour on your part, OP. I think you should apologise before you go to work on Monday.

Do you know anyone who has his number?

I would disagree. As well as not being felt but he shouldn't be contacted by a colleague on his day off.

CharmedCult · 16/12/2023 19:21

Absolutely do NOT try and get hold of his number and text him.

If I was a colleague who witnessed your behaviour and then you contacted me asking me to give you his number it’d be a flat out ‘No’.

dothehokeycokey · 16/12/2023 19:22

There are a lot of women posting this week about getting so drunk and out of control during Xmas parties.

Do people no longer know their limits???

Before anyone jumps on me there's also a huge amount of wives and partners posting about how their dh or dp haven't come home or are out doing stupid things.

crumblingschools · 16/12/2023 19:22

Someone was dismissed at DH’s work’s Christmas party because of their behaviour (punched someone)

Flamesatmytoes · 16/12/2023 19:23

Oh for gods sake he tried to snog her, he was bloody happy. Can’t anyone get off with anyone any more? The OP wasn’t got to overpower the guy in a taxi. He was safe, she was plastered. Thats how a lot of bad sex used to happen

Flamesatmytoes · 16/12/2023 19:25

crumblingschools · 16/12/2023 19:22

Someone was dismissed at DH’s work’s Christmas party because of their behaviour (punched someone)

Edited

Oh we had that too. Great party! Half the cleaning team got taken out in wheelchairs, then the catering team started a fight. It was the Natural History Museum as a venue. They did sack the puncher.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/12/2023 19:25

Flamesatmytoes · 16/12/2023 19:23

Oh for gods sake he tried to snog her, he was bloody happy. Can’t anyone get off with anyone any more? The OP wasn’t got to overpower the guy in a taxi. He was safe, she was plastered. Thats how a lot of bad sex used to happen

This wasn't just "anyone" and it wasn't just a night out. It was a work Christmas party and she was groping a colleague.

Gilead · 16/12/2023 19:27

My ds went to his Christmas do last night, he didn’t drink. My dd went to her work do (different places) and didn’t drink. Why? Because they’re adults and know that getting rat arsed at the works do is childish and bound to end up in this sort of scenario. Stop drinking, or at least cut back.

hoodybell · 16/12/2023 19:27

It all sounds pretty cringe but I'm not sure it's as bad as you think OP. Certainly don't think there will be any disciplinary action, or even if there was I would be countering with the fact he took you away from the group and tried to kiss you. He was obviously not that horrified by your behaviour.

I would be owning my actions and apologising to him, and then let it go. Maybe with the promise to yourself that you won't turn up to a do drunk again

I've seen far worse on many a work do tbh...

Flamesatmytoes · 16/12/2023 19:28

Aquamarine1029 · 16/12/2023 19:25

This wasn't just "anyone" and it wasn't just a night out. It was a work Christmas party and she was groping a colleague.

Show quote history

Yeah, and? And he clearly was fine with it.

harriethoyle · 16/12/2023 19:28

strawberrycream1233 · 16/12/2023 18:50

Yes, they’ve said that it would have made his year and not to feel bad I was just dancing… but even THAT feels a bit sexist… it just wouldn’t be acceptable to say about a woman “that’s probably the most action she’s had all year, she’ll be dreaming of you all day today” would you 🥴. God. I feel awful!

You WEREN'T just dancing. You forcibly groped him. That's not OK...

Bournetilly · 16/12/2023 19:29

He tried to kiss you so clearly didn’t mind the attention. It will be fine.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/12/2023 19:32

Flamesatmytoes · 16/12/2023 19:28

Yeah, and? And he clearly was fine with it.

Show quote history

If you find this sort of behaviour acceptable, good for you. We can disagree.

flowerchild2000 · 16/12/2023 19:33

You're not wrong but also men haven't been attacked by women 24/7 365 since the beginning of time like women have by men. There's a fair bit of history behind the issue. Men are the reason we've had to advocate so much for workplace safety, etc. I agree with everything you said but you're not on the same plane as a man who would do this. I think you should cringe over it and resolve not to drink so much next time. It does sound like a good time was had by all so don't feel bad.

Flamesatmytoes · 16/12/2023 19:36

Aquamarine1029 · 16/12/2023 19:32

If you find this sort of behaviour acceptable, good for you. We can disagree.

Show quote history

Well she’s not covered herself in glory, but all the pearl clutching is a bit OTT.

AlbatrosStrike · 16/12/2023 19:36

Bournetilly · 16/12/2023 19:29

He tried to kiss you so clearly didn’t mind the attention. It will be fine.

I’m not sure this is a good thing. The op turned him down so if he feels aggrieved he could make this very unpleasant for the op.

Did anyone actually see him try to kiss you, op or would it be his word against yours?

Just apologise to him in person and pretend you don’t remember him trying to kiss you. Do not get his number or discuss this any further with other colleagues.

PaulaPocket · 16/12/2023 19:38

My DH went to a works Xmas do and felt a bit down because his dad had died at the end of the October. He came home and told me one of his colleagues, a big woman in every way, tried to cheer him up. In front of everybody, she said 'Look what I can do with my tits'. She made him look down her dress to see she was clasping a full wine glass between them. She made him get it out and drink the wine. I asked him what he thought. He said he was worried she would break the glass and cut herself. Then he burst out laughing and was all right for the rest of the night. I know people on here may get funny about that, but believe me she's a lovely person! She knew just exactly what to do to cheer him up.

QS90 · 16/12/2023 19:38

It's a bit embarrassing, but overall not a big deal, if he tried to kiss you later, sounds like he was into it!

If there was a massive power or age imbalance, or one or both of you were in relationships, it would be different. Also if he was trying to escape from the dance floor and you kept hauling him back. But doesn't sound like the case, so I really wouldn't worry.

Listen to "Wheel of Misfortune" podcast, you'll feel better.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 16/12/2023 19:40

It doesn't matter if he was OK with it, then extremely person may not be. It's still inappropriate behaviour at work.

tomatoontoast · 16/12/2023 19:40

I have to let a woman go on Monday for very similar inappropriate behaviour at our Christmas party last Thursday.

Luckily she's within her probation period but it's a shame as she's otherwise a great employee.

QWE96 · 16/12/2023 19:42

This is why I don't go to company events. They're your colleagues, not your friends. Not to mention arriving at a work event already drunk is very inappropriate and is inevitably going to lead to poor behaviour.

Also, I'm not sure why you thought he was particularly forward when he was clearly following your lead?