Was my behaviour at the Christmas do out of line?

[strawberrycream1233]

For context, I work in the public sector.

We had a Christmas party last night. I went for some drinks with my department before and arrived VERY drunk. My colleagues were dancing with one of the younger guys and giving him lots of attention. I felt sorry for his friend who is shy and was standing on his own at this time, ignored. I pulled him over to dance, and (I’m cringing) got pretty handsy with him, hands all over his bum and pulling him closer. Lots of people noticed and commented! I hear how awful this sounds now, but in my mind I was just having fun and including him, although I can see how it probably looked a bit seedy.

Towards the end of the night (I was even more drunk by this point) he pulled me round the corner away from the group. I’m hazy at this point, but I’m pretty sure he tried to kiss me. I know I didn’t kiss him back, and shocked he was being so forward (he’s very very shy and quiet). Another colleague bobbed round the corner and pulled me away and I was taken home!

Woken up this morning convinced I’ve been predatory and am going to be sacked for sexual harassment, and that I’ve taken advantage of him and shouldn’t have touched him. There would have been tons of people that saw me touching him. I just keep thinking if it was reversed genders and a man had been all over ME like that, he would have been (rightly) held to account there and then, whereas no one really seemed bothered by me doing it. We’re both similar age and don’t work together closely, our paths probably won’t cross for a while to be honest, which makes it more awkward,

Was I unreasonable? How can I applied for my behaviour?!

Yep, many parties over 20+ years. I’m in management, this behaviour is problematic.

Me too!!! With a cuppa and a few biscuits ☕ cheers 🤣

This

This is why I do not go to work Christmas parties. How embarrassing for you and the guy!

He might not be an issue for OP although of course she should apologise. But views of others who saw OP in action could really do some reputation damage and it might be another employee who complains.

In all the (public sector) jobs I've had this would be a problem, especially if OP is senior.

You can't decide what someone else's comfort levels are? There was no consent.

You can't even use the fact he tried to kiss her later. These are seperate events.

Yes, it is sexual assault.

No, she made a fool of him. Clearly he felt she actually fancied him, rather than groping him publicly out of pity. She humiliated him.

At worst I would have the extreme fear. I
might even apologise to him for how drunk you were and how you behaved.

There is nothing in the OP’s post to suggest this is sexual assault. The OP
has not described how the male responded. He might have been equally as touchy feely with the OP. So many assumptions being made here based on the post of someone who has woken io
mortified by their behaviour.

A lesson to be learned OP - you likely wont do it again. We’ve all (most of us!) had the fear after a night out.

Those of you who are using terms such as sexual assault and consent - the OP had
not given sufficient information for you to reach these conclusions

Gross. I dunno if anything official will happen as you're a woman. but if I saw colleagues behaving like that at a Christmas party I'd have zero respect for them in the workplace.

If you'd of been a man I have very little doubt you'd be facing disciplinary action/termination.

I've always wondered what sends people nuts at the Christmas works do...

The OP said

‘I pulled him over to dance, and (I’m cringing) got pretty handsy with him, hands all over his bum and pulling him closer.’

Textbook sexual assault

Pulling him over for a drunken dance is one thing (and he could just have walked away) but the line was crossed as soon as you touched him inappropriately. It’s not a nightclub, (or the 90’s!) it’s a work do.

Was HR there and is it likely that someone from HR saw this happen? Or your manager? That would make a big difference I think on the likelihood of this getting escalated. Also the general culture of your workplace and if they take a hard line on issues like this outside of work hours

Honestly, you groped him without (from your account at that point) having any indication he gave consent. At best that's unprofessional. But if he considered it sexual assault, he would be in the right.

I just can't get over the fact that you were "shocked that he was being so forward" in trying to kiss you, when you had been groping him! Good grief.

If your account is accurate you both groped each other “he pulled me around the corner and tried to kiss me” so sounds like you were both drunk/inappropriate. What’s done is done, I’d just let it go and hope for the best and learn not to get so wrecked next time.

Pathetic behaviour. Please don't tell me you are a teacher. If you are you could face disciplinary action under Section 2 of Teacher Standards: Personal and Professional Conduct. No one needs to complain about your behaviour towards them if it was public.
You were at a social event linked to your job and behaved without respect for another member of staff's rights.

Whatever your job is, your behaviour was pathetic and, if you aren't pulled up about it, you've made yourself look very unprofessional and will have lost the respect of some colleagues.

It’s embarrassing and why I have a two drink rule at work parties!

Surely though there was a flirty vibe already there prior to the hands on the bum so I think it’s sooo dramatic to those claiming you assaulted him. He kissed you later too again likely as flirty vibe was there from the start.

As long as the adults were CONSENTING I’d quietly find this hilarious to be honest. I like when people let loose makes colleagues more human

God there are some right po-faced, straight laced bores on this thread.

OP you sound like a good laugh. As a few other posters have said, Christmas parties are right of passage for this sort of thing. I’ve worked in a few different industries and companies from small family sized to big globals and your behaviour would’ve just been eye rolled and laughed off.

No need for all the pearl clutching.

She did not say how he responded.

I do not condone sexual assault. However I stand by my post and say there isn’t enough information to suggest sexual
assault. The OP is feeling lots of shame and fear and is giving her one sided shameful view.

@LadyScarlett Because if a professional, such as a nurse a code of conduct states you should behave professionally at all times and not bring the profession into disrepute.
It's about public perception as well as behaviour at work

im sorry its hilarious pmsl

“you're not on the same plane as a man who would do this”

Really?? I knew a lovely shy and quiet guy, who suffered horrendous abuse from the females at his work (he was the only male in the office), but in your thinking he’s male so fair game??

I told him to complain about his colleagues’ behaviour, which he did. Unfortunately his (female) manager was like you, so he was told it was just a bit of fun and nothing was done, until the poor bugger couldn’t stand it any longer and hung himself.

Yes it was hilarious, I couldn’t stop laughing.

yes you behaved wildly however have we all not had one too many and made a show! you felt bad for him being on his own in the corner so you just tried to include him obvs very alcohol fuelled.. you woke up in instant regret story to giggle about in a few years lol x

Really hope HR pull you up on this OP you've been awful. It's a work do you don't leave all professionalism at the door , if you can hold it then why did you drink so much knowing its a work function. Pathetic.

I won't go on about role reversals and the wrongness of it. You already know all that.
Many of us have made complete arseholes of ourselves at Christmas parties because of drink. You're similar age, I assume you aren't his superior in work and he made an advance on you afterwards, so I'd just put it down to awkward flirting rather than anything predatory.
I think the worse that happens, is embarrassment for you.
Unfortunately, I always remember everything I've done in a drunken state and cringe hard!!