Husband brought heavy cold home a week before Christmas

[Tapasita]

He’s now in bed, coughing, sneezing, grumbling because he hasn’t slept. And I’m now thinking great, this is just the beginning; next it’ll move onto the kids and then it’ll take me down just in time for Christmas. Same happened last year. He brought the flu home, spent the week in bed really poorly and then we were all fucked for Christmas.

I know I’m being unreasonable, because anyone can get ill, especially in winter. But what pisses me off is I think he’s picked it up from an evening football match which I advised him not to go to (as it would be freezing and he’d bring a heavy cold/flu) home. Ditto last year. Yes, he may have caught it elsewhere but it just seems every time he goes to night games near Christmas he brings a bug home, which he then shares generously with all of us. It’s selfish!!! But who cares anyway, as long as he gets to go
to his games that’s what matters. 😡😡😡

Also, I don’t have time to be ill. But I’m more worried about the kids now getting it - I really wanted us to have a nice virus-free Christmas this year after the hellish experience last year and now it looks like it’s on repeat. I am seriously pissed off. He wants tea, and sympathy and to be quite honest, I’m really stressed now - I’ve got
the kids to look after and I don’t need this

don’t allow your children out then and isolate them from their father. Oh and you don’t go out either. if you want to be absolutely sure they won’t pick up anything

and it’s not a “week before christmas”

Who doesn’t allow you?

You just go to bed and stay there.

He cannot help getting poorly and you can’t resent him for something he cannot help.

Tell him he has to stay in his room, which hopefully has a telly/entertainment.

You need to sleep elsewhere, even if it's on the couch. And the DCs need to stay clear of him.

I do this to avoid catching things off my DH and it generally works.

Christ you sound bitter.

I understand your stress and frustration but he wouldn't have caught the virus by standing in the cold. He's more likely to have caught it by being in a confined indoor environment. It might even be your children who have brought it home from school but don't have symptoms.
This time of year is just terrible for picking up bugs. It's really not his fault.
But at the same time you are not being unreasonable to feel fed up stressed and annoyed with the situation

You know what? I sort of understand. Not the being annoyed that the husband has caught a cold but his expectation that you'll give him tea and sympathy. It's a cold - he will survive it.

I get you Op.

Perhaps you need to not carry on when ill?

I understand doing stuff for the kids if you really are the only one who can but did he really need "nursing"?-what does that entail?

Are your kids in school or nursery? There is a much higher chance of them catching something there, than at an outdoor football match. It's really not your DH fault.

I do think you should put at the top of the list for 2024 marriage counselling.

Resentment in marriage can stem from a variety of causes, including neglect, lack of support, lack of intimacy, unresolved conflicts, lack of trust, and control issues, sharing of domestic duties, money issues, etc.

This really isn't about a cold, is it?

This poor guy! He's probably feeling a bit sorry for himself and isn't getting any sympathy. But, honestly, it's just a cold, not ebola. Even if everyone catches it, so what? We all get colds in the winter, it's not a big deal and it's not a reason to seal ourselves inside our houses to avoid catching anything.

Ikr!

I leave mine with water & painkillers.

If I'm making a drink/food I ask if they want it & take it up if necessary.

I don't go out of my way.

Yabu. I've brought home a shocking cold this year and last. No idea how as have hardly been in the office of late but school run/supermarket/Town are possible options, all unavoidable. Its just that time of year and unintentional

Oh bless you. I don't think you sound nasty. Just frustrated, and tired and possibly not just because of the cold but maybe because your dh doesn't pull his weight.

Try to simplify/lower your expectations of Christmas. It shouldn't be such hard work. Make sure you have some food in and presents for the kids which they will enjoy. Anything else is a bonus. Stock up on vitamin c and d, cough mixture and tissues and be prepared to hunker down in pyjamas with lemsips and a party hat on.

If you get to see friends and family great. But if not, don't worry. You have the rest of the year to see them. And there will be good stuff to watch on telly, new games to play together, and treats to eat. (Mulled wine is good for colds, I'm told)

I am one of the few who voted YANBU so will risk the ire and tell you why so you don’t feel so alone, you’re getting full pelters!

I suspect what we have here is over-burdening (you). DH, benched again for the busiest time of the year, and you’re well aware what happens when one gets ill, you all go down, and you get to be Nurse Nancy for everyone (I identify).

DH and FIL (in poor health) love nothing more than to go and stand surrounded by tens of thousands of people in peak virus season, blasting droplets as they shout and sing. FIL has repeatedly ended up ill over Christmas, which has a knock-on effect on everyone else. One Christmas night we had a long journey in dire weather because FIL was hospitalised. It has yet to sink into FIL’s head that he might be better off staying out of crowds (MIL is similarly frustrated to you). It’s the fact it just keeps happening, if it was me I’d give it a miss and see if that helped. But football comes first (and last, and everywhere in between 🤪)

That said, viruses come from all angles at this time of year and if your DH is susceptible he might also get the lurgy wandering round Asda. So since there’s no way of proving it’s football and no real point getting worked up about it, what can you do?

Yes, it’s a bit frustrating when people don’t learn. Keep your distance from his germs, take some supplements and take care of yourself if you catch it; let DH do the running about. If you can nurse him, he can nurse you. If not, maybe that seriously needs looking at.

Oh come on - it is just a cold! Everyone has one this time of year.

I work in a school, and now it is time for the nasty Norovirus to rear its ugly head. Sick all over the floor, highly contagious.

Husband caught this during his working week in London and brought this home too. He threw up on the train (not in the toilet). Utterly mortified, poor thing. He is currently in his room, keeping that little germ to himself.

Colds are small beans. Worst things out there.

You do actually (if there is a virus around). You're more vulnerable to viruses when you're cold.
People have always known it and now there is proof too.

BBC NEWS | UK | Wales | Mothers 'were right' over colds

Goodness think you need to get the family some multivitamins and cold medication and build up some resilience both to viruses and life in general. Having a cold shouldn't mean all this drama... stop catastrophising and calm down.

It's a cold. Okay, you might all have a cokd. Nobody in your household is immunosuppressed or undergoing treatment where a cold could potentially cause them problems? No? It's not the end of the world then.

@Tapasita

why do you have to “nurse” your husband?
maybe stop doing that and you might just feel less resentment.
hth.

Poor man. Sounds like you’re punishing him. He didn’t pick it up at a local shop and bring it home. Show some love and kindness. He’ll be dead one day. Let him enjoy his bloody life! Everyone has a cold right now. You sound a bit scary.

This.

No point getting bent out of shape about it. Realistically, he could have caught a cold from anywhere - as could you and your children. Just do your best to avoid anyone else getting it now.

You are being completely unreasonable in every way.

The only way you could be virus free guaranteed is for all of you to have gone into isolation a couple of weeks ago.

There's nothing selfish about him going to the football. Or anywhere else.

Wow I think everyone is a little mean here!
It's school holidays, kids running around, food to prepare, presents to wrap etc not to mention end of year when everyone is a little knackered... I'm not surprised the last thing OP wants is the added stress of playing nurse!
I remember my OH getting Covid 2 weeks before Xmas, he was quarantined but texting me all day long with requests of healthy food/herbal tea, I had to juggle the kids and getting everything ready. By the time Xmas kicked in he was all recovered and I just wanted to crawl in bed and sleep for a week.

Of course he didn't deliberately go out to get sick, I assume OP is ranting a little and not going round being miserable and ruining her kids' life.