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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband brought heavy cold home a week before Christmas

300 replies

Tapasita · 16/12/2023 09:11

He’s now in bed, coughing, sneezing, grumbling because he hasn’t slept. And I’m now thinking great, this is just the beginning; next it’ll move onto the kids and then it’ll take me down just in time for Christmas. Same happened last year. He brought the flu home, spent the week in bed really poorly and then we were all fucked for Christmas.

I know I’m being unreasonable, because anyone can get ill, especially in winter. But what pisses me off is I think he’s picked it up from an evening football match which I advised him not to go to (as it would be freezing and he’d bring a heavy cold/flu) home. Ditto last year. Yes, he may have caught it elsewhere but it just seems every time he goes to night games near Christmas he brings a bug home, which he then shares generously with all of us. It’s selfish!!! But who cares anyway, as long as he gets to go
to his games that’s what matters. 😡😡😡

Also, I don’t have time to be ill. But I’m more worried about the kids now getting it - I really wanted us to have a nice virus-free Christmas this year after the hellish experience last year and now it looks like it’s on repeat. I am seriously pissed off. He wants tea, and sympathy and to be quite honest, I’m really stressed now - I’ve got
the kids to look after and I don’t need this

OP posts:
ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 16/12/2023 14:27

I think you are being ridiculous. Your kids could just as easily bring home a bug or virus from school, in fact, its more likely than from him attending an outdoor sports game! Although it didn't happen this time, should the world stop and everybody have a lockdown for a fortnight before Christmas? My DC is 4 and has been sick every single Christmas day of their life, its just part of life ffs.

BitOutOfPractice · 16/12/2023 14:29

LeaveBritneyAlone · 16/12/2023 09:54

I think it’s more about him having a hobby than being ill. That’s plain as day OP

Yep. One that she doesn’t like / understand.

kitsuneghost · 16/12/2023 14:32

Tapasita · 16/12/2023 10:47

It’s just resentment I suppose because when I’m ill, I just carry on, no-one allows me the time to rest in bed for days on end (as he does.) And I dread the kids coming down with it this year, last year was rough as I was trying to nurse them, nurse husband and I was ill with it myself. I just want the kids to be well this year. I’m not a nasty person. Just tired and fed up

That's on you. You are not a child. You don't need told to go to bed if you are unwell.

CherryBlossom321 · 16/12/2023 14:41

I mean, I’ve been wiped out by a virus for the past 10 days. My husband hasn’t shown symptoms yet so he could well be ill on Christmas. My children brought it home from school. Would be a bit weird if I was resentful of them, and thought it was all their fault, wouldn’t it?

saraclara · 16/12/2023 14:44

BringMeTea · 16/12/2023 12:28

Menz rights activists. Allowed to run amok on here. So don't pay 'em any attention...

Oh for goodness sake! Paranoia, much? Just because we don't agree that OP was reasonable doesn't make us men's rights activists! Good grief.

SoupDragon · 16/12/2023 15:09

BringMeTea · 16/12/2023 12:28

Menz rights activists. Allowed to run amok on here. So don't pay 'em any attention...

Utterly ridiculous. 🙄

escapethemaze · 16/12/2023 15:15

Tapasita · 16/12/2023 10:47

It’s just resentment I suppose because when I’m ill, I just carry on, no-one allows me the time to rest in bed for days on end (as he does.) And I dread the kids coming down with it this year, last year was rough as I was trying to nurse them, nurse husband and I was ill with it myself. I just want the kids to be well this year. I’m not a nasty person. Just tired and fed up

So that would be a reasonable thread…. when you feel thoroughly shit, your husband does fuck all to help.

Is that the case? In which case, you have bigger problems than a husband with a heavy cold

escapethemaze · 16/12/2023 15:16

Tapasita · 16/12/2023 12:18

@BringMeTea

Thanks for letting me know about the trolls! It does seem people are seriously antagonistic here! Of course I love him and I’m just venting. What’s an MRA troll though??

the bizarre contradiction of your post here with your OP

escapethemaze · 16/12/2023 15:16

SoupDragon · 16/12/2023 15:09

Utterly ridiculous. 🙄

Show quote history

agreed

but obviously the Op leapt on it and agreed

TrashedSofa · 16/12/2023 15:21

escapethemaze · 16/12/2023 15:15

So that would be a reasonable thread…. when you feel thoroughly shit, your husband does fuck all to help.

Is that the case? In which case, you have bigger problems than a husband with a heavy cold

Show quote history

Yep.

That's the actual problem here, not a football match.

Mistlebough · 16/12/2023 15:29

If it’s a myth that getting chilly doesn’t predispose you to more infection why does NHS website advise people to keep warm to prevent colds?https://togetherwe-can.com/winter-protection/
OP you probably ABU but it’s annoying if you feel family members don’t try to protect themselves and family from infection, as far as possible, while still engaging in normal life. Coming up to Christmas I am really careful as so many Christmasses have been spent with someone ill in bed. If DH has been vigilant about avoiding being too close to people, has washed his hands frequently and made an effort it’s just bad luck.
It’s probably just a feeling of dread that it will be hard to get everything done and enjoy your Christmas if you are ill too. Stay strong and healthy and hope DH OK to enjoy Christmas.

Winter protection - NHS - Together We Can

Find your nearest pharmacy with our Pharmacy Finder. You can go to your nearest pharmacy for advice as well as for prescriptions.

https://togetherwe-can.com/winter-protection/

escapethemaze · 16/12/2023 15:31

TrashedSofa · 16/12/2023 15:21

Yep.

That's the actual problem here, not a football match.

Show quote history

yes but that only came in OP’s drip post having seen that the consensus was overwhelming against her

it happens often. a drip when the posts don’t go their way, which - if true, odd not to include in Op, but likely just a defensive fib

MadeOfAllWork · 16/12/2023 15:35

If it’s a myth that getting chilly doesn’t predispose you to more infection why does NHS website advise people to keep warm to prevent colds?

Again, getting cold does reduce your immune system and make you more open to infection. HOWEVER that doesn’t mean that getting cold causes you to catch a cold. To actually catch a cold you have to be near someone with a cold. Also, a couple of hours watching a football match isn’t likely to have made him that cold.

diddl · 16/12/2023 15:50

Men revert to childhood when ill. It's infuriating

I'm sure some do.

Their OH's don't have to pander to it though!

Rosscameasdoody · 16/12/2023 15:54

escapethemaze · 16/12/2023 15:31

yes but that only came in OP’s drip post having seen that the consensus was overwhelming against her

it happens often. a drip when the posts don’t go their way, which - if true, odd not to include in Op, but likely just a defensive fib

Show quote history

Doesn’t sound like a fib to me. Sounds about par for the course - and the OP did say in her first post that now he wants tea and sympathy, and also that last Christmas was a shit show because of illness.

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 16/12/2023 15:54

Do you want him to not leave the house for two weeks before Christmas to stop him from catching any sort of bug? You’re being really unfair trying to apportion blame on an adult for catching a cold, like it’s punishment for him disobeying you!

escapethemaze · 16/12/2023 15:55

Rosscameasdoody · 16/12/2023 15:54

Doesn’t sound like a fib to me. Sounds about par for the course - and the OP did say in her first post that now he wants tea and sympathy, and also that last Christmas was a shit show because of illness.

Show quote history

ok so that should be her thread

not this!

Rosscameasdoody · 16/12/2023 16:07

escapethemaze · 16/12/2023 15:55

ok so that should be her thread

not this!

Show quote history

Wouldn’t disagree with that at all. I also think there’s a problem with the evening football matches as well. All different sides of the coin.

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 16/12/2023 16:17

Wear a mask, use first defence nose spray, keep our distanceand keep windows open a bit. Practice good hand hygiene and you will limit your risk. Its annoying but it cant be helped.

miniegg3 · 16/12/2023 17:04

CrebillionFils · 16/12/2023 12:07

This everyone berating op for saying cold temperatures don’t impact your chance of catching a cold or seasonal bug. 🙄🙄🙄

Yes your DH is a selfish git. Quarantine him and don’t give him any sympathy.

From BUPA

“Your body’s defences may weaken when it’s coldYour immune system protects you from disease. Some early studies have suggested that the cold and dry conditions of winter could make it harder for your immune system to fight off viruses.
Your nose and airways are lined with mucus and tiny, hair-like structures called cilia. They act as a barrier by trapping viruses that you breathe in and moving them out of your airways. Your mucus also contains antimicrobial substances that help to protect you from disease. But breathing in cold, dry air during the winter months can affect the mucus and cilia lining your nose and throat, making them less efficient.
So, if you do come into contact with a virus during the winter months, your body’s defence mechanisms may not be as good at fighting it off if you’re cold. This is especially true as we grow older because our immune systems become weaker with age.”

Dry air comes from having the heating on, so really, whether you go out or not is probably irrelevant

GodDammitCecil · 16/12/2023 17:18

saraclara · 16/12/2023 12:07

Still no reason to be annoyed. Frustrated, yes. But it's still not his fault that he's ill. And if she doesn't want him to spread it, then him being in bed away from everyone else is surely a good thing.

Show quote history

This is mildly fascinating…

What is the difference between ‘annoyed’ and ‘frustrated’?

And why is it OK to be one, but not the other?

Movinghouseatlast · 16/12/2023 18:19

He hasn't chosen a cold and brought it home to share like a takeaway! Do you really think that's how it works?

Mindymomo · 16/12/2023 18:29

Op you have my sympathies, I usually catch everything from my DH or my 2 adult DS, they get over colds quite quick whilst I tend to suffer a good couple of weeks.

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/12/2023 00:31

Waitingfordoggo · Yesterday 13:23

And as PPs have said- why on earth do you need to ‘nurse’ a grown man with a cold? When mine gets one I leave him to it. Might make him a Lemsip if feeling generous but otherwise ignore him and leave him to sleep.”

Really? I’d be upset if my husband ignored me when I was unwell.

Waitingfordoggo · 17/12/2023 00:48

@MrsSkylerWhite I don’t mean being rude or unkind. When people are ill they usually need to sleep- at least that’s what happens when my DH is ill. Obviously I would check on him if I thought he was really unwell eg with a fever or vomiting, but otherwise there’s no point me keep going in there and fussing about when his body just needs sleep!

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