Husband brought heavy cold home a week before Christmas

[Tapasita]

He’s now in bed, coughing, sneezing, grumbling because he hasn’t slept. And I’m now thinking great, this is just the beginning; next it’ll move onto the kids and then it’ll take me down just in time for Christmas. Same happened last year. He brought the flu home, spent the week in bed really poorly and then we were all fucked for Christmas.

I know I’m being unreasonable, because anyone can get ill, especially in winter. But what pisses me off is I think he’s picked it up from an evening football match which I advised him not to go to (as it would be freezing and he’d bring a heavy cold/flu) home. Ditto last year. Yes, he may have caught it elsewhere but it just seems every time he goes to night games near Christmas he brings a bug home, which he then shares generously with all of us. It’s selfish!!! But who cares anyway, as long as he gets to go
to his games that’s what matters. 😡😡😡

Also, I don’t have time to be ill. But I’m more worried about the kids now getting it - I really wanted us to have a nice virus-free Christmas this year after the hellish experience last year and now it looks like it’s on repeat. I am seriously pissed off. He wants tea, and sympathy and to be quite honest, I’m really stressed now - I’ve got
the kids to look after and I don’t need this

Exactly cold virus can be caught anywhere - but I'm literally being made to feel unwelcome in my own home.

Op I'd try loading you and kid up on sambucol - I think there like a 1 in three chance you could head off any cold with that ie works against soem viruses.

I'm a teacher and I haven't had a cold in 7 years. I am a bit OCD about it, but maybe my habits would help you avoid illness up to Christmas.

I have a little box of hand sanitisers in fun scents and I use them on myself regularly throughout the day, and often the children want to use them as well. I never touch my face after touching a surface on the classroom unless I sanitise my hands first. You could be crazy like me and make your husband use hand sanitiser at home whenever you think of it.

And I take a liposomal vitamin C gel sachet twice a day in water. These are expensive but I believe the hype. They work.

@InsomniacA

Great advice. I think I’ll try those gel sachets!!

As a teacher @InsomniacA that's a practical solution.

Can you imagine him explaining to his friends that he's not allowed to go and watch the football because his wife doesn't want him to in case he catches a cold. Utterly bonkers.

It's a bit tiring reading posts where people brag that they never wash, their hands, cover their mouths, noses whenever they sneeze, cough, well bully for you you have a great immune system.

But me I'll carry on double deep cleaning as I was taught so door handles, switches, other touch points will be cleaned so that I can function whenever my family are ill.

I’ve had a horrid cough & cold for a week with no sign of improvement yet, and the baby has conjunctivitis as well as the same bug as me. Thankfully my DH isn’t a horrible person who is accusing me of deliberately getting sick so close to Christmas, it would be the last one we’d spend together if he was.

The man has a cold, he does not need nursing. Do not nurse him!!!! by all means be a kind and caring wife but he’s perfectly capable of caring for himself. (This is assuming he does not have any other health needs.)

If the presents need wrapping, that’s an excellent low energy task he can do in the bedroom.

You are tired, so try to temper down any big activities. Children don’t need a stressed mother or a perfect Christmas.

Yes! My Mum was always awful to my Dad when he was poorly. I still dislike her for it to this day.

That’s mad! 😮 I haven’t had a cold for many years- too many to count. (Or possibly I have but am asymptomatic). My DD is similar but DH and DS get colds fairly frequently.

I don’t do any obsessive hygiene stuff. Am crap at taking vitamins. I leave the house frequently and go to busy places.

But I haven’t been to the football so perhaps that’s why 😂

OP, you’re being unreasonable. The only time I’ve been annoyed about an illness being ‘brought home’ was when my OH went to see a friend just before Christmas 2020. When he arrived he said it was obvious his friend was unwell as he had a hacking cough and looked peaky. DH decided to stay and party anyway (in a marquee in a pub garden according to the rules at the time) and sure enough came home with Covid. That was the only time we’ve had Covid, to my knowledge. I was annoyed about that because Covid was rife at the time and I thought the friend could have done a Covid test or at least cancelled on the basis of feeling unwell. And DH on arrival could certainly have said ‘mate, I’m not sure you’re up to this, shall we reschedule for the NY?’ 🙄 They both made daft decisions because they just wanted to get pissed together.

But by and large, viruses gonna virus and can’t be avoided.

And as PPs have said- why on earth do you need to ‘nurse’ a grown man with a cold? When mine gets one I leave him to it. Might make him a Lemsip if feeling generous but otherwise ignore him and leave him to sleep.

I'm with you OP the heartless bastard should go and live in a hedge until new years

It's amazing the number of MNers who are convinced they/a person they know got ill because someone did something they don't approve of.

That being said, YANBU to be irritated at the timing. Very fucking annoying. And also, you have a pretty big problem in the double standard in your household, if he expects tea and sympathy when ill but you don't even get to rest by yourself when you are.

Jeez OP. I'm sat here with COVID for the third time in three months (I didn't know it was possible either...). I'm pretty sure every COVID infection has been hospital acquired as I have been in and out recently due to a recent spell on the two week pathway and while I am clear of cancer, have been diagnosed with a chronic progressive condition and have been in and out of hospital waiting rooms (and operating theatres). And school nativity plays...

Both my parents just came down with it yesterday too, and we are all supposed to be having Christmas together. Both my father and my husband have pretty intense health anxiety (as do you fwiw, but instead of admitting it you are just playing the blame game) and I am having to do lots of reassuring with a pounding head and general wooziness. Grow up and learn to deal with disappointment.

It is nobody's fault that human bodies are susceptible to viruses, and that they peak in the winter.

Like you said, you're being unreasonable and you don't know where he got it from.

Exactly. In 40 plus years my husband has left me to get on with it unless I asked for something like a cuppa or a digestive. I've returned the favour. If I'm on my own then so is he.

When newly married I'd run around with chicken broth, meds, anything he wanted your wish is my command.

When I got ill it was studied neglect. If I don't hydrate, feed her she'll get up and take charge.

He has improved but still sees women's problems as a weakness 🙄

YABU, and worse. If a man came on here complaining that he had told his wife not to go out (because she might dare to hug her friends), and was unwell, he would rightly get his arse handed to him. You're wrong on a lot of levels here and need to have a good look at yourself.

And I say that as someone who's immunocompromised. Colds happen, get over yourself.

Well that kinda depends @thefallen I've got three families to entertain and feed on Christmas day. So no I can't afford to be too ill. Seven adults and five children!!

OP, obviously you know you're being unreasonable - it is one of the reasons i hate this time of year, it feels like one illness after another.

But I do also sympathize - my DH is almost unbearable when he goes down with anything. He truly believes every time no one has or ever will be as ill as he feels at that moment I'm sure.

Men revert to childhood when ill. It's infuriating

Apparently tjouhh man get worse symptoms. I remember seeing some artivles about man flu being an actual thing😶I am man flu woman. Every cold floors me with fever and non budging sinus pain and brain fog...
To add, my DH kind of sails through. Bugger

@justasking111- That’s a shame. Your H sounds a bit of a shit? Mine has never expected me to nurse him when he’s ill and I never have. I don’t tend to get ill with viruses so I don’t know what it would be like if roles were reversed, but I have had more than my share of mental illness and he’s always been very sympathetic during those times, and has understood that I might not be functioning as normal when my MH is poor. He will typically do more around the house etc and try to lighten my load when I’m low/anxious.

Like you, I am feeding three families on Christmas Day. If I happen to get flu /Covid/MH crisis between now and then, someone else will have to host/cook/order a takeaway. Not worth worrying about though 🤷🏼‍♀️

Oh dear Such terrible timing
You could try First defence which is like a viscous nose spray which may give you some protection
Tell him to step up handwashing and bin used tissues.. and you could try telling him to wear a mask( if he's a concerned sort)

I get it's frustrating
Last year I got covid from the Christmas meal. This year I'm not going as I can't risk it and I've swapped food shop in store for click and collect
Get 2 days off for Christmas and I really don't want to spend them being sick!