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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband brought heavy cold home a week before Christmas

300 replies

Tapasita · 16/12/2023 09:11

He’s now in bed, coughing, sneezing, grumbling because he hasn’t slept. And I’m now thinking great, this is just the beginning; next it’ll move onto the kids and then it’ll take me down just in time for Christmas. Same happened last year. He brought the flu home, spent the week in bed really poorly and then we were all fucked for Christmas.

I know I’m being unreasonable, because anyone can get ill, especially in winter. But what pisses me off is I think he’s picked it up from an evening football match which I advised him not to go to (as it would be freezing and he’d bring a heavy cold/flu) home. Ditto last year. Yes, he may have caught it elsewhere but it just seems every time he goes to night games near Christmas he brings a bug home, which he then shares generously with all of us. It’s selfish!!! But who cares anyway, as long as he gets to go
to his games that’s what matters. 😡😡😡

Also, I don’t have time to be ill. But I’m more worried about the kids now getting it - I really wanted us to have a nice virus-free Christmas this year after the hellish experience last year and now it looks like it’s on repeat. I am seriously pissed off. He wants tea, and sympathy and to be quite honest, I’m really stressed now - I’ve got
the kids to look after and I don’t need this

OP posts:
Goldenpashmina · 16/12/2023 10:22

Oh OP you know YABU but I feel exactly the same as you when this happens too, fury at catching a cold from someone even though its often inevitable despite best hygiene

PaulAnkaTheDoggo · 16/12/2023 10:22

I take it if you don’t want him going to football games, there are similar restrictions being put on other family members to avoid catching things? Kids not allowed to go to parties, play dates, to visit Santa. You not allowed to go to Christmas nights out, visit friends, to any shops etc? I mean that would all be insane, but also the only way for this bonkersness to be fair across the family, yes?

Whyyoulyingfor · 16/12/2023 10:24

You sound a treat to live with. I don’t think bacteria pops up only at football games. He could have got it anywhere and the chances are most families will have someone poorly over Christmas as it’s just that time of year where bugs are rife. Lighten up!

Cosyblankets · 16/12/2023 10:25

How dare he!
Doesn't he know it's nearly Christmas?
Tell him to take it back!
FFS

LaurieStrode · 16/12/2023 10:27

I see your point, OP.

It behooves him to be more careful ahead of Christmas and instead he chose to indulge himself. Did he bother to mask at the event?

Can he stay with nearby parents for a few days? I wouldn't be coddling him.

miniegg3 · 16/12/2023 10:27

There's still a week of school left (most places anyway) if the kids are still at school it's probably pointless anyone else avoiding going out anyway.

My dc is currently coughing himself nearly sick after a week in bed with some fluey type virus 🫣

narkyspirit · 16/12/2023 10:29

no one goes out with the intention of getting ill, it could have been picked up from anywhere.

my suggestion is that you pop along to your local supermarket, buy enough provisions to last until April and don't leave your house until then!!!

cuthbertthecat · 16/12/2023 10:30

@Russoooooo I don't disagree but post Covid colds seem more viscous as well. My teen dd usually throws a cold off in half a day but she needed 4 days off with this one as she was so feverish and couldn't keep food down or sleep due to coughing. I'm no soft touch when it comes to days off school but there was no way she could have gone in.

I also dislike saying he's milking it. He may be, I don't know him but I know enough people who have been genuinely pretty ill (myself, dd1, dh and dm included) to say a bit of rest is probably needed.

But it does suck when people are ill over Christmas. One year everyone but me was ill and I did it all because they still wanted a proper Christmas Day. Then were all too ill to really enjoy it and were asleep by 8 having eaten nothing.

But still not fair to blame him. He didn't catch it deliberately.

laclochette · 16/12/2023 10:31

Half the people I know have been ill this month with a huge array of different but equally wretched bugs. It's the season. He will be exposed to germs at work, in the shops, when travelling. If the football is open-air which I assume it is, that's probably not even the most likely place for him to get it - better ventilation! And you don't get cold from being exposed to the cold - again, warm, enclosed spaces are the places where germs really have a field day. All in all, it's irritating that he's ill, for sure, but it isn't his fault and it's surely worse for him.

I feel like there is something else going on here in your dynamic that is being redirected and expressed via this odd blaming someone for getting ill in peak illness season. Do you feel like he gets to go and enjoy his hobbies without being mindful of the consequences for the family more broadly; do you feel like he doesn't generally pull his weight at home at Christmas...

ginandtonicwithlimes · 16/12/2023 10:33

My husband has the flu. He has either caught it from the secondary school he works in or off me and the one year who go to toddler groups. I thought it was man flu at first but think I have it as well now. I doubt he deliberately caught the cold. Maybe it wasnt football? Maybe it was you?

betterangels · 16/12/2023 10:34

MarleyandMarleyWoooo · 16/12/2023 09:32

What an absolute idiot you’re making yourself sound. Get a grip.

Yes, you need to get a grip and fast. You're being absolutely ridiculous about this.

Catsbreakfast · 16/12/2023 10:37

God you’re unpleasant.

Russoooooo · 16/12/2023 10:37

@cuthbertthecat - to be clear, I have no objection whatsoever to ill children staying at home. Or ill adults! I meant more in terms of attitudes like the OP’s - that viruses are avoidable, or that we should limit our lives because of them. I hope your DC feels better soon.

Sartre · 16/12/2023 10:39

I had norovirus one Christmas when my older DC were very small. I think it started on the 23rd from memory but I was still very weak and sick by Christmas Day. We got up to open the presents then I had to go back to bed for a nap. I stupidly still insisted on cooking Christmas dinner which I definitely shouldn’t have bothered doing, my DC were toddlers and obviously have zero recollection. They wouldn’t have cared if I’d served chicken nuggets and chips…

Your DH can’t help being sick. All the rest of you can do is try your best not to catch it. It’s just that time of year, there’s often always someone a bit sick on Christmas Day in our house.

kitsuneghost · 16/12/2023 10:41

You are being ridiculous. You expect him to give up his sport just incase he might get a cold. What do you want? Everyone to stay indoors round a cosy fire till May?

GreySantaRabbit · 16/12/2023 10:41

If it's the bug we've had it's horrendous. I'm still not right a week later! Plus as others have said you don't catch a cold by being out in the cold! 😂

Its more than likely your children have brought it into the house!

ginandtonicwithlimes · 16/12/2023 10:42

Just to say some of these colds described could be the flu.

MagentaRocks · 16/12/2023 10:44

I have a cold at the moment and I haven’t been to any football matches. I have been to work, the shops etc, just like he has I expect. It really isn’t his fault. I reckon less likely to catch in outside where there is fresh air.

Headshoulderscheeseontoast · 16/12/2023 10:44

You dont catch a virus from being outside in the cold ffs

Imagine if he told you you shouldn't go to xyz because you may catch a cold, you're being ridiculous

GMsAWinner · 16/12/2023 10:45

Between two of us, we've had three weeks of being ill (respiratory, but different things), so understand totally how you feel. At this point, I'd ask DH to stay in bedroom for 2/3 days, maybe put a chair in there for him. Also, regular hand washing etc.

Sadly, people have to work so he could have caught it there, but we're now only mixing with people who feel well (luckily our friends are generally of a similar mindset) and avoiding busy places.

LlynTegid · 16/12/2023 10:45

If it is really every year that your DH gets a cold in mid-December, there may be a common cause, even if it is not watching football.

SmileyClare · 16/12/2023 10:45

Since covid, my dad and his wife are a bit like this.
They hardly go out as they don’t to bring “illness into the house”

If they do have a cold or cough they’re angry and want to blame someone- usually muttering about a child they stood next to in Sainsburys who looked a bit sniffly and they don’t know why his mother had taken him out.

It’s always someone’s fault rather than than the fact that humans share the world with various viruses and bacteria.

Immunity is built by exposure not by hiding in a sterile bubble.

PaulaPocket · 16/12/2023 10:46

LaurieStrode · 16/12/2023 10:27

I see your point, OP.

It behooves him to be more careful ahead of Christmas and instead he chose to indulge himself. Did he bother to mask at the event?

Can he stay with nearby parents for a few days? I wouldn't be coddling him.

But that's just silly. He could have caught a cold at work, on public transport, in a shop, in the bloody street FGS. The poor husband. He should leave and then she'll find out what being nasty leads to.

Original poster
Tapasita · 16/12/2023 10:47

It’s just resentment I suppose because when I’m ill, I just carry on, no-one allows me the time to rest in bed for days on end (as he does.) And I dread the kids coming down with it this year, last year was rough as I was trying to nurse them, nurse husband and I was ill with it myself. I just want the kids to be well this year. I’m not a nasty person. Just tired and fed up

OP posts:
Dhilezzz · 16/12/2023 10:50

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