To still feel slightly bitter about this? (Inheriting social housing)

[Buddybud]

I grew up in a two bed council house with my mother (single parent) and my sister in what could now be considered a highly gentrified area within walking distance of the city centre. My mother benefited from a life time tenancy. I left at eighteen to go to university, and my mother didn’t keep a place or bed for me. If I went back during the holidays i would have to sleep on the sofa which I found quite annoying especially when so many of my friends at Uni still had rooms in their parent’s houses. Fast forward a couple of years and I graduated, moved away, met my DH and we now have our own home but have been struggling with our mortgage due to cost of living, etc. My mother on the other hand remarried and moved in with her DH whilst putting my sister on the council house tenancy so my sister now has a life time tenancy with subsidised rent in an area I could never afford. Aibu to feel like that’s abit shitty?

I'm not sure it is totally irrelevant, as it could explain some of the unfairness you feel. If your sister went to university, was her room kept for her and she was allowed to move back in, where as your Mum wouldn't let you move back in? I don't think it totally unreasonable that she reclaimed the dining room back. Was there the option for you to move back and share with your sis or was it a flat out no you can't "move back" in? If not, that is properly shit and I can understand why you feel as you do. We have done similar to your Mum as we're in social housing and have converted our dining room into a bedroom for our 14 year old son because of the age gap between him and his younger sibling. It's unlikely he'll go to uni due to his SEN needs but if he does, I would imagine we would keep it as his room until if/when he moves out "properly" into his own place.

I can understand why you are jealous. I get a little jealous of my cousin who lives in decent SH sometimes.

But what did you want your mum to do? Resist DSis going on to the tenancy because it wouldn't be fair? Is this really more about feeling pushed out when you went to Uni?

Try to be happy for your DSis. It's great she has the benefits of secure SH even if you don't. But I bet you have some blessings in life too.

I agree. Regardless of policy it does seem very unfair that someone can pass on their tenancy when there are so many in temporary housing who might be more in need. If the system was fair, it shouldn't have gone to your sister or you, OP.

Going to university is not leaving home. I think the OP has every right to feel aggrieved. Her mother blatantly favoured her sister and pretty much abandoned the OP who was making something of her life.

Unless you weee willing to live with your sister your mother could only pass the tenancy over to one of you. She chose the one to still lived there.

It is for most adults.

It wasn't even a choice. The married person living elsewhere was not qualified to be added to the tenancy.

i agree

I agree with the last two posters.

Honestly, I do not understand the jealousy. About what is there to be jealous? I am sure the op would not choose to live in social housing, certainly not now, she has her own place.

I 'get' that the sister is in a position - possibly - to save a bit more for a deposit on her own property if that is what she wants to do eventually and the op did not have that; also, for now she is living in a nice area without the responsibility of maintenance. However, that is life, swings and roundabouts. No doubt sister will have problems of one sort or another at some stage, everybody does. Does jealousy ever do anybody good, particularly the person who is jealous?

I'd hate to feel like that.

And i can think of some pros to owning. Like choosing which contractors to have in your home not being forced to have the housing associations cowboys.

This is the second thread bashing social housing tenants that has been started in the last few days. It makes one wonder...

Some posters obviously haven't seen the many stories about HA/council/private tenants living in appalling conditions due to lack of repairs and maintenance.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/nov/13/loophole-adds-to-shameful-rental-conditions-in-england-says-housing-chief

www.housingtoday.co.uk/news/birmingham-city-council-rapped-for-safety-failings-in-properties/5123358.article

@IClaudine Agree Its been well publicised though so i think its that they dont WANT to see them

I don't understand why your sister inherited the tenancy. Was she a joint-tenant with your mum? If not, (and I doubt she was!) it could be that your mum has left and just not told the council, and your sister is living there and using it as her home. (With it still in your mum's name.)

Having worked in social housing for some years - I don't now but did til 7-8 years ago - I saw this happen a number of times.

ALSO... There is no way a young woman - even with a boyfriend - would be allowed a 2 bed house.

And I don't know any council/social housing landlord who would allow someone to 'inherit the tenancy...' (NOT if she was not a co-tenant - and if she was a child living with mum - then she would not be...) I bet your sister was never on your mum's tenancy.

Something is very off about all this. I would be contacting the council and having them investigate this to be honest. Was she even on the housing list??? If she has taken over this property, it sounds like she has deprived a family of the home, without a) deserving it, and b) being on the housing list.

I know all councils are different, but I would be reporting this to them. If she HAS genuinely been allowed to take over the tenancy, then fine. But I am willing to bet it's not authentic.

Also @Buddybud YANBU to be pissed off and bitter if this HAS happened and she HAS got the tenancy.

@FreshWinterMorning As a child free woman living with her disabled DH in a small one bedroom flat it gets bloody tiring always hearing that families (those with children) are the most deserving.

No they don't.

Owning your own home is better than being in social housing, I live in social housing and I will have to work until I drop as I'll still have to pay rent my whole life.

Oh and I've been waiting for a year to have the dodgy flush on my toilet fixed! Living in social housing doesn't mean you get repairs done at the drop of a hat. I'm just thankful that I have no issues with mould because there are people literally becoming ill and dying due to housing associations not sorting out mouldy properties.

I'm glad you made those two posts, Beezknees, and hope the op takes what you said on board.

I must admit that I thought council and HA properties were cheaper to rent than private. I googled and Citizens Advice says they are generally cheaper. I suppose it depends on the area.

Surely if one is retired, they will receive housing benefit? Retired people that I know do and don't have to worry about rent.

I can well imagine. People should not make comparisons, it really isn't fair to do so. Nobody can judge the circumstances of other people and, anyway, it is not their business.

That’s what always scared me about renting over buying. I scraped the money together to buy a tiny one bed flat in the late 80s and I’m now mortgage free. Also it a possible to take mortgage breaks if needed (I don’t know anything about them but have heard). I doubt very much you could take a rent break. I’ve drummed it into my kids to focus on buying not renting.

I understand that past hurts do rear their heads and still sting some time later, Buddybud, but it strikes me that your mother was at fault here by not making adequate room for you when you came home from uni. That was harsh and would hurt anyone.

However, it was hardly your sister's fault and you cannot blame her for taking over the tenancy. Your bitterness is doing no good at all, I'm sure we could all feel resentful towards someone for one reason or another but why bother? This only hurts you more, Buddy. Please do not resent your sister who will undoubtedly have her own problems at times.

It is hard work and a financial struggle when you are a homeowner, especially in the early years, I remember those days well. However, it does get easier in time, it really does and you have more choices than someone who rents. It's swings and roundabouts.

A couple of social housing tenants have posted here saying it is certainly not a walk in the park, they pay a good rent and maintenance is dodgy, at the end of which they will not own a brick so cannot sell up and move to a bungalow on retirement. You will be able to do that or similar, if you want to.

A lot of them are slightly cheaper, that's mostly the older properties though. A lot of new builds are higher prices.

Yes, it is true you can claim housing benefit to pay the rent when you retire, that is only when you reach state pension age though which keeps increasing. I'm 34 and doubt I'll get a state pension until my 70s, if at all.

I don't think social housing should be inherited in this way; when the main tenant dies, other than spouse, the property should revert to the housing provider and be reallocated according to need.

You moved away. Not an issue you need to be concerned about.