To still feel slightly bitter about this? (Inheriting social housing)

[Buddybud]

I grew up in a two bed council house with my mother (single parent) and my sister in what could now be considered a highly gentrified area within walking distance of the city centre. My mother benefited from a life time tenancy. I left at eighteen to go to university, and my mother didn’t keep a place or bed for me. If I went back during the holidays i would have to sleep on the sofa which I found quite annoying especially when so many of my friends at Uni still had rooms in their parent’s houses. Fast forward a couple of years and I graduated, moved away, met my DH and we now have our own home but have been struggling with our mortgage due to cost of living, etc. My mother on the other hand remarried and moved in with her DH whilst putting my sister on the council house tenancy so my sister now has a life time tenancy with subsidised rent in an area I could never afford. Aibu to feel like that’s abit shitty?

YABU and wrong.

My HA rent and services charges combined , increased by 19.3% this year and is set to increase again next year.

We don’t just swan through life unaffected by increases in rent, inflation and energy costs.

You're getting a hard time OP and yes, the situation is unfair. However, you also made your own decision to buy a house with your DH. Wouldn't you rather own your own place? You also, to a degree, chose the area that you moved to. I suspect that, had you wanted to return permanently to your childhood home on your own (presumably without a partner), then I'm sure that the dining room would have been converted back for you. At some point though, wouldn't you have wanted to spread your wings and get a place with a partner. This sounds like it has a lot to do with timing and circumstances. Would you still have wanted to be there had your mortgage not gone up? So, no, it's not entirely fair, but then I'm really not sure how it could be made fair. The alternative is your sister losing out too or you sharing with her. Try not to be jealous and look at what you have got, rather than what you are missing out on. Who said that life was fair? It's not. You just have to make the best of it. This isn't worth causing issues with your family over it.

As she's on the tenancy she's allowed to keep the tenancy.

It's not worth the energy OP.

If you’re retired your pension is used to pay rent, housing benefit is means tested. Many in rented properties entire pension goes on rent. Meaning renters will need to work for longer to have any quality standard of living.

And this means-tested, so if you get state and private pension, your housing benefit is unlikely to cover all your rent, so you’ll still have to cover some of your rent from your pension.

This is what keeps some pensioners in poverty 🤷🏽‍♀️.

I wasn't suggesting a person's entire rent would be covered by housing benefit, just some of it. A welcome contribution if you like.

Honestly, I don't know that much about it or what the threshold is.

A bit earlier I saw a news item about people in council homes who are troubled with damp and mould, causing severe respiratory problems. Nothing is done about it.

This thread is quite an eye opener.

It seems really unfair on your sister that you've gone NC for this reason. I assume that there is more to it than that?

I would be happy for my sister in your shoes. It sounds like she doesn't have the same prospects in life as you for whatever reason.

If your DM handed the house back to the council rather than give it to your sister, then what would you gain? Nothing.

It's OK to feel jealous because your mother treated your sister better than you. It sounds like she wasn't much of a mother anyway and you are nc. Let it go. A woman who according to you forced you out if your childhood home was never going to be fair to you. If you are generally happy, why focus on this?

I think the OP is made up. The poster says she moved away why is she jealous. You can’t just ‘put someone on the tenancy’ and leave.

It’s just another social housing bashing thread.

I forgot to mention I moved back in during third year because the uni was local. I slept on the sofa and got kicked out shortly after for no proper reason. So I guess my sister taking over the tenancy just adds salt to that wound?

I can assure you not. I grew up in a council house. I’m not a snob.

It might not be her fault but she could at-least acknowledge the unfairness of it all.

What do you want from DS op? The home?

You really need to get over yourself.

But in some families it is @Buddybud , because the family can’t afford to support an adult. I get it’s very upsetting for you, and I would recommend some therapy here as it isn’t really about the tenancy, it’s about your relationship with your mum. You said earlier you had a bad childhood, it may be worth digging in to that, as this is just damaging your present and future in a way it need et.

also, stop expecting your mum and sister to behave differently. To do so would require them to change who they are, that that isn’t going to happen.

Why is everyone assuming the sister would be homeless if not for this council house? She’s a big girl, she can go out and work and find her own place, especially if she’s with a bf which OP mentioned. Same as the rest of us have to do.

I agree with pp, the council should not allow tenancies to automatically be passed on - the sister should’ve had to be assessed in her own right. I’m sure there’s a family who needs this flat more than her! OP I think you have every right to be annoyed, but direct your anger at the system rather than your mum or sister who are just playing it because they can.

So your story has gone from:

If I went back during the holidays i would have to sleep on the sofa which I found quite annoying especially when so many of my friends at Uni still had rooms in their parent’s houses

To you suddenly remembering you moved back during third year and then got kicked out? Quite the drip feed.

My thread, my rules .

Maybe from her perspective it's not unfair?

😂🤣 I bet you can’t even imagine being in my situation those years ago, yet you go out of your way to leave shitty remarks like that. Get a life.

Her prerogative, but justifies the NC in imo.

That's your choice but the point is, you won't get an acknowledgement it's not fair if she doesn't agree with you on that.

My thread, my rules

To make up embellish the story as you go along because you’re not getting the response you hoped for?

So you left home flew the nest. However, you still wanted your mum and sister to keep a room that would be empty vast majority of the time and paying rent on.
Your mother has done the absolute best thing for your sister. I mean she hasn’t landed the house on her own with her husband, instead lives with her mother and boyfriend with no privacy in their relationship. Do you think that your husband would have been happy starting married life living with his mil.
I tell you a little story my sibling thought I get everything free “your on benefits” no I pay rent, had a reduction on council tax. They would always say how lucky I was cheap rent don’t have to worry about maintenance (again I pay rent). Really thought they were better than me and like you are doing looking down their noses (they had bought an ex council property !) made a decision to not have that negativity from jealousy in my life. I haven’t and will never talk to them again. I don’t have to put up with the comments happy days.

Be careful about how you are around them I bet you make comments like you have on here. Do you want to see your sister living in a shitty run down house share with her partner. Why should they struggle for the sake of your feelings, you were fortunate that your mother converted the dining room and didn’t make you share.

Jealousy/comparison is the thief of joy. Be grateful and joyful for what you have achieved and what you have. A home of your own and a husband to share it with, you need to let this go.