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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still feel slightly bitter about this? (Inheriting social housing)

305 replies

Buddybud · 15/12/2023 22:34

I grew up in a two bed council house with my mother (single parent) and my sister in what could now be considered a highly gentrified area within walking distance of the city centre. My mother benefited from a life time tenancy. I left at eighteen to go to university, and my mother didn’t keep a place or bed for me. If I went back during the holidays i would have to sleep on the sofa which I found quite annoying especially when so many of my friends at Uni still had rooms in their parent’s houses. Fast forward a couple of years and I graduated, moved away, met my DH and we now have our own home but have been struggling with our mortgage due to cost of living, etc. My mother on the other hand remarried and moved in with her DH whilst putting my sister on the council house tenancy so my sister now has a life time tenancy with subsidised rent in an area I could never afford. Aibu to feel like that’s abit shitty?

OP posts:
Original poster
Buddybud · 15/12/2023 23:00

MistyMountainTop · 15/12/2023 22:57

Why can't you just be pleased for your sister?

Show quote history

Because she has a secure lifetime tenancy paying a reduced rate of rent unaffected by interest rates, etc in an area I could never dream of affording meanwhile I am struggling to pay the increase in my mortgage.

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 15/12/2023 23:02

Rent goes up every year.

x2boys · 15/12/2023 23:04

gamerchick · 15/12/2023 22:54

Rule of thumb. If a thread starter throws in subsidised rent a couple of times, you know it's just a goady thread. 🙄

Indeed 🙄

AchinShakin · 15/12/2023 23:04

It sounds like your mum has effectively favoured your sister over you. Unlike the saints of MN, I would feel disgruntled too.

Have you had a proper chat about it?

BorrowersAreVermin · 15/12/2023 23:05

I think you're being very resentful OP. Would you have preferred your sister didn't take on the tenancy and had to move away? Because you feel you're struggling with your mortgage she should have to as well?

ActDottie · 15/12/2023 23:06

I agree it’s unfair.

My PIL let my BIL live for free in a house they own with his family. His partner doesn’t work because they can afford to live on the one salary…

Meanwhile my husband and I worked really hard to get a deposit for a house, pay a hefty £1600 a month mortgage and are expecting our first baby… but we’ll both be still working full time because we can’t afford not to!

XenoBitch · 15/12/2023 23:07

Buddybud · 15/12/2023 22:53

I left because I was forced out though.

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You said in your OP that you left because you went to uni.

Original poster
Buddybud · 15/12/2023 23:08

vodkaredbullgirl · 15/12/2023 23:02

Rent goes up every year.

I can guarantee it hasn’t gone up £300 a month like my mortgage though.

OP posts:
feralunderclass · 15/12/2023 23:09

There was a social media yummy mummy who lived in Portabello Road I think it was (and everyone assumed she was loaded) who tried to jump on a woke bandwagon about social housing and it greatly backfired on her. She had grown up in that area and the rules at the time were once her and her sibling turned 18 they could apply for a property themselves. They both got 2 bed flats very quickly. She was ever so smug about how deserving she was of it, saying she was proud to live in SH. Except she said all of this from a sun lounger in her parents second home in France, where she spent 6 weeks every summer. Let's just say her SM career ended on that day!

Stichintime · 15/12/2023 23:12

You couldn't have 'inherited' the tenancy if you weren't living in the council property at the time and could prove it was your home for at least 2 years prior. You weren't able to do this, as you had a home and mortgage elsewhere.

TiptoeTess · 15/12/2023 23:12

Yeah that would irk me too.

I think it’s generally wrong that people can gift social housing to relatives like that. If they don’t want or need it anymore it should go back into general stock and given to whoever is most in need.

nettie434 · 15/12/2023 23:13

I must confess I thought the key benefit of social housing was the better tenant rights rather than how much rent was paid. Average private rents are distorted by the number of places in Mayfair and Chelsea rented by people coming from outside the UK.

Somebody once told me that in Chelsea the relatively high number of former Peabody type buildings (most no longer social housing) was because they wanted servants to be within walking distance of work!

In other places like Coin Street, rules about inheriting social tenancies exist to maintain local communities. They want the younger generation to be able to stay in the area rather than being forced to move to outer London.

I can see how it must have been hurtful to feel you were left to your own devices after university. Personally, I'd be relieved to know my sister had somewhere secure her to live. Far better than having her ask to move in with me!

XenoBitch · 15/12/2023 23:13

AchinShakin · 15/12/2023 23:04

It sounds like your mum has effectively favoured your sister over you. Unlike the saints of MN, I would feel disgruntled too.

Have you had a proper chat about it?

A lot of councils/SH let you pass on the tenancy once. If OP's sister was still living in the house when their mum moved on, then it makes sense that the sister is now on the tenancy. OP moved out years back and now owns her own home.

What does OP actually want?

Panaa · 15/12/2023 23:14

Buddybud · 15/12/2023 23:00

Because she has a secure lifetime tenancy paying a reduced rate of rent unaffected by interest rates, etc in an area I could never dream of affording meanwhile I am struggling to pay the increase in my mortgage.

Show quote history

But what were your mothers other options here?

You have a house with your husband, would she even have been allowed to put your name on the tenancy? I'm not in the UK but where I am you can't get social housing if you own property even if it's mortgaged.

And even if she could have put you on the tenancy then how would that be fair to your sister?

How could your mother have handled this in a fair and even way?

Should she have put you both on the tenancy and then you, your husband, your sister and her boyfriend all lived there together?

Or should your mum had stayed where she was so that your sister didn't get the house?

I totally understand why you might feel a bit bitter and resentful but I don't see what other options there was, would you have rather that your mum gave it up so that neither of you got it?

Scarletttulips · 15/12/2023 23:14

You can apply for council housing the same as everyone else.

Your mortgage won’t go down if your sister privately rented, nor would it if she was homeless.

At the end of your mortgage you’ll have a property to downsize and something to leave to your children. She’ll have nothing.

You are playing the long game. Your sister isn’t.

You have incentive to move up the career ladder - your sister doesn’t.

cezannesapple · 15/12/2023 23:14

Stichintime · 15/12/2023 23:12

You couldn't have 'inherited' the tenancy if you weren't living in the council property at the time and could prove it was your home for at least 2 years prior. You weren't able to do this, as you had a home and mortgage elsewhere.

This. As well, you can usually only pass on once. So if she moves out it goes back to the council.

Hellocatshome · 15/12/2023 23:18

You wanted your family to sacrifice a family room downstairs for you to have as a bedroom for a few weeks a year?

Original poster
Buddybud · 15/12/2023 23:19

XenoBitch · 15/12/2023 23:07

You said in your OP that you left because you went to uni.

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I went to uni and she didn’t keep a bed or place for me so I left. I wouldn’t have left like I did if I hadn’t of been forced out like that.

OP posts:
MistyMountainTop · 15/12/2023 23:20

Buddybud · 15/12/2023 23:00

Because she has a secure lifetime tenancy paying a reduced rate of rent unaffected by interest rates, etc in an area I could never dream of affording meanwhile I am struggling to pay the increase in my mortgage.

Show quote history

So you've got a house with your DH which you will be mortgage free from in 25-35 years, and won't have to pay any mortgage or rent for when you're a pensioner? And you're jealous of your renting sister?

Grow up.

AmazingDayz · 15/12/2023 23:23

Happened to my ex. He inherited a 3 bed council flat in central london when his mum died. It's in a very affluent area of central London and a beautiful flat. It's mad to me that a single man living alone would be given a 3 bed flat. He has started renting out the rooms and gets a lot of money for it whilst claiming benefits which is all perfectly legal apparently and doesn't pay a penny in maintenance as he is "not working" yet I'm not allowed to be bitter 💁

XenoBitch · 15/12/2023 23:24

Buddybud · 15/12/2023 23:19

I went to uni and she didn’t keep a bed or place for me so I left. I wouldn’t have left like I did if I hadn’t of been forced out like that.

Show quote history

But it was not even a bedroom.. was a converted dining room.

You sound very bitter about it all. What would you have liked to happen? Your sister has taken on the house as it you can pass on a tenancy once to someone who has lived there for 2 years.
Do you want to see her homeless?

pinkdelight · 15/12/2023 23:26

I suppose as it's two bed you could move back in with your sister and assert your equal rights to be on the tenancy, but then you wouldn't want to live there with her, would you? So it's kind of academic.

silemen · 15/12/2023 23:26

Councils generally only allow the tenancy to be assigned to one person though so it could only ever have been passed to you or your sister - not both of you. It makes sense it would be your sister as she lived there (you can only assign to a close family member who has lived there for at least a year).

https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/council_housing_association/assigning_a_tenancy

When I no longer needed my council flat I wanted both my DDs to benefit from it so I bought the property, allowed them to live there and later transferred it into both their names. But that was only possible because I was able to buy it.

Shelter icon

Assigning a council or housing association tenancy - Shelter England

You can only sign your tenancy over to someone else in certain situations. Check the rules if you want to swap homes or change a name on your agreement.

https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/council_housing_association/assigning_a_tenancy

ModestMoon · 15/12/2023 23:27

I agree that you have it better than your sister. You have a mortgage. What was your mum to do, kick your sister out so that you could sell up and get in there?

Tumbleweed101 · 15/12/2023 23:28

You can't inherit a council property. It will often be offered to a person who has been living in the property as their main home for a certain length of time so long as the property fits their needs.

If they then get that tenancy it can no longer be passed forward as you are only allowed one tenancy change per tenant. I had my one change on my house when I took my ex off the tenancy. This means I can make no more changes during my time at this property so I can't add one of my children to it as a tenant. If I die they will have apply and appeal to stay here if it was their main home. If they've moved out they couldn't.

Social housing is good in that it is realistic rent not over inflated rent but you have to pay that rent until you move/die and you can't gain financially from it like you can by selling a property you own.