Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still feel slightly bitter about this? (Inheriting social housing)

305 replies

Buddybud · 15/12/2023 22:34

I grew up in a two bed council house with my mother (single parent) and my sister in what could now be considered a highly gentrified area within walking distance of the city centre. My mother benefited from a life time tenancy. I left at eighteen to go to university, and my mother didn’t keep a place or bed for me. If I went back during the holidays i would have to sleep on the sofa which I found quite annoying especially when so many of my friends at Uni still had rooms in their parent’s houses. Fast forward a couple of years and I graduated, moved away, met my DH and we now have our own home but have been struggling with our mortgage due to cost of living, etc. My mother on the other hand remarried and moved in with her DH whilst putting my sister on the council house tenancy so my sister now has a life time tenancy with subsidised rent in an area I could never afford. Aibu to feel like that’s abit shitty?

OP posts:
Macaroni46 · 16/12/2023 09:20

I get it OP and empathise. Your reward for working hard is to pay your own mortgage whereas your sister gets a property handed to her on a plate.
But you won't get much sympathy on here. MN is weird like that.

Original poster
Buddybud · 16/12/2023 09:21

boomtickhouse · 16/12/2023 09:19

There are big issues here. Can you access therapy or support ?

Show quote history

What for? I’m generally happy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Buddybud · 16/12/2023 09:22

boomtickhouse · 16/12/2023 09:15

This. Your sister is stuck in cycle of poverty. You are breaking free. Be proud of that and embrace the opportunities

Show quote history

Social housing is not a cycle of poverty. Some proper snobs on here.

OP posts:
WillowTit · 16/12/2023 09:23

you left,
the house is still in the family

it happens

Original poster
Buddybud · 16/12/2023 09:27

WillowTit · 16/12/2023 09:23

you left,
the house is still in the family

it happens

By left you mean forced out.

OP posts:
WillowTit · 16/12/2023 09:28

you went to university
dont be bitter - it is not a nice trait.

WillowTit · 16/12/2023 09:29

did your sister go to university?
leave and come back?

AchinShakin · 16/12/2023 09:30

Like many of these threads, the situation in the OP is just a small part of the overall picture. The fact you had a terrible childhood and were effectively later made unwelcome in your family home, is the big issue here. The tenancy is the last straw.
I am sorry you have felt unloved by your mum OP and now this situation cements your feeling of injustice.

I can’t see if you answered my question about whether you have actually talked to them properly about the tenancy?

Original poster
Buddybud · 16/12/2023 09:31

WillowTit · 16/12/2023 09:29

did your sister go to university?
leave and come back?

Irrelevant. University isn’t the same as leaving home.

OP posts:
WillowTit · 16/12/2023 09:32

@Buddybud university is 3 years away

anyway, you are bitter,
i hope you can punch yourself out of the bitterness.
do a sport, go for a jog, knead some bread

WillowTit · 16/12/2023 09:33

concentrate on your own life now op, good luck with your mortgage.

Original poster
Buddybud · 16/12/2023 09:33

AchinShakin · 16/12/2023 09:30

Like many of these threads, the situation in the OP is just a small part of the overall picture. The fact you had a terrible childhood and were effectively later made unwelcome in your family home, is the big issue here. The tenancy is the last straw.
I am sorry you have felt unloved by your mum OP and now this situation cements your feeling of injustice.

I can’t see if you answered my question about whether you have actually talked to them properly about the tenancy?

Thank you. Yes I did try. She said it wasn’t her house to give or some crap despite spending the entirely of my childhood poking fun at people who took the opportunity of right to buy because the house is theirs anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Buddybud · 16/12/2023 09:35

WillowTit · 16/12/2023 09:32

@Buddybud university is 3 years away

anyway, you are bitter,
i hope you can punch yourself out of the bitterness.
do a sport, go for a jog, knead some bread

You sound like the kind of person who would tell someone who was depressed to ‘get over it’.

OP posts:
WillowTit · 16/12/2023 09:35

my bil inherited the family council house,
he never bought it,
i know at one point my dh thought about moving in with him, in order to buy it
have you thought about moving in with your sister?

WillowTit · 16/12/2023 09:36

Buddybud · 16/12/2023 09:35

You sound like the kind of person who would tell someone who was depressed to ‘get over it’.

Show quote history

i am not

FiveShelties · 16/12/2023 09:39

Buddybud · 16/12/2023 09:21

What for? I’m generally happy.

Show quote history

You really don't sound happy.

Greengagesnfennel · 16/12/2023 09:41

When I left for uni my mum converted my room in the first term for other things. I still had a guest bed to sleep in when I went back.
Why wouldn't she, I'd left home. I think it's a lot more common than you think and not a strange thing for her to do. It doesn't mean you are not as loved, or hard done by at all.

BoredofBlonde · 16/12/2023 09:53

I have had children go to uni, but they haven't "left home" imo. They still need a bed at the very least for the holidays! So I can understand your sadness @Buddybud at feeling a bit rootless that you didn't have this. (Edit - at least for the 1st year when they are in halls - maybe a bit different once they have settled in subsequent years)

But don't let it fester anymore, you made your choices as have your mum and sister (however unfair they seem to you)

Your sister is lucky to have a secured tenancy at a fair rent, saying otherwise is daft. But I am sure she looks at your situation and thinks "I will never own a home like Buddy, or go to uni" and thinks you are lucky too!

bartbert235 · 16/12/2023 09:55

Honestly let go of the bitterness. What's done is done. You can't change it.

Move on in happiness and forget then

Your bitterness is hurting you not them

Original poster
Buddybud · 16/12/2023 09:55

BoredofBlonde · 16/12/2023 09:53

I have had children go to uni, but they haven't "left home" imo. They still need a bed at the very least for the holidays! So I can understand your sadness @Buddybud at feeling a bit rootless that you didn't have this. (Edit - at least for the 1st year when they are in halls - maybe a bit different once they have settled in subsequent years)

But don't let it fester anymore, you made your choices as have your mum and sister (however unfair they seem to you)

Your sister is lucky to have a secured tenancy at a fair rent, saying otherwise is daft. But I am sure she looks at your situation and thinks "I will never own a home like Buddy, or go to uni" and thinks you are lucky too!

Edited

No luck here. Just hard work!

OP posts:
EC22 · 16/12/2023 09:58

I think you should let it go.
you don’t talk to either of them, why is this still bothering you? You have your own life, this bitterness will eat you up.

willWillSmithsmith · 16/12/2023 09:58

Well only one of you could get it, unless you were planning on living with your sister for your entire life. Your mum had to choose between the single person already living there or the married person living with her husband.

AchinShakin · 16/12/2023 10:04

Buddybud · 16/12/2023 09:33

Thank you. Yes I did try. She said it wasn’t her house to give or some crap despite spending the entirely of my childhood poking fun at people who took the opportunity of right to buy because the house is theirs anyway.

Show quote history

She doesn’t sound kind.

At the most, I let guests sleep in my kids’ rooms when they are away. And then change the sheets. I can’t imagine doing what your mum did x

Original poster
Buddybud · 16/12/2023 10:07

EC22 · 16/12/2023 09:58

I think you should let it go.
you don’t talk to either of them, why is this still bothering you? You have your own life, this bitterness will eat you up.

It’s just a little niggle really.

OP posts:
CaroleSinger · 16/12/2023 10:23

Buddybud · 15/12/2023 22:56

Don’t social housing tenants pay a reduced rate of rent? I do apologise if I worded that incorrectly.

Show quote history

No. They don't. Social housing these days is mostly market rent particularly with housing association. I'm in social housing but I would not be able to afford the new rents for social housing on housing association properties, hence being disabled and stuck in a property that is making my condition worse but can't be adapted. Don't assume all council tenants live the life of Riley while you're struggling. We don't. My rent is not reduced rate. That's a myth unfortunately.