To be sad my Nan can’t do Xmas dinner this year?

[Poinseis95]

I’m 29 and my Nan is 84 and this year she has said she can’t do Christmas dinner anymore as she doesn’t have the energy to do a huge dinner for the whole family because she’s too old. Obviously, I completely understand that and expected it to happen eventually but I feel quite sad that Christmas will never be the same again. This year she and the family are coming to us and Mum is doing the dinner. I really enjoyed going to Nan’s on Christmas Day.

It’s just such a weird assumption on your part that she’s been secretly miserable for ages and just not said something. Most families don’t struggle to communicate in that way! Most people wouldn’t feel any need to slave away miserably for years, dropping hints, instead of just saying how they feel!

@Ploctopus I have read enough mumsnet posts to know that there are a hell of a lot of people-pleasers in this world who are too afraid to speak up about being treated inconsiderately, and plenty of people’s family members who seem to trample over others. So it’s not much of a reach that the situation here could be that Nan has been reluctantly cooking Christmas dinner for a while because no one else has ever said they’d do it.

Are you serious? Your family have been making your 84 year old nan cook Christmas dinner?!? You should be ashamed of yourself! I'm 38 and disabled and I don't let my 61yo mother cook Christmas dinner! I take her out and pay for her dinner!!!! You should be treating your nan like an absolute queen at this age, she shouldn't be lifting a finger.

Jesus what has this world come too?!?!

She has passed away now but there would be absolutely no way either me or anyone in the family would expect my grandmother to cook Christmas dinner for everyone at age 83. She was a terrible cook!

Please point out to the rest of the thread, where the OP said that her family MADE her Nan make the dinner every year.

OMG this thread has to be a joke??!!! You let a woman in her 80s do that?!! How bloody selfish, childish & entitled can you get? You're 29, grow up & cook it yourself. Now it sounds like your poor dm will be cooking it until her 80s too. I have cooked it since I was 19 and had my parents over hosting them.

@TossieFleacake

It's "tradition" and it appears nobody else had offered. So she's been manipulated into it. Not sure why you're finding that so difficult to comprehend.

'Please point out to the rest of the thread, where the OP said that her family MADE her Nan make the dinner every year.'

Op is complaining that she is lost basically now her 84 year old nan can't cook it.

I get you OP. Hopefully she’s passed on some fabulous recipes and you will ensure she enjoys her favourites this Christmas.
Make sure she’s relaxed and has a wonderful time.

My aunt used to host her siblings, children, grandchildren, nephews, nieces and any stray persons we brought along, one Sunday per month.

She was still doing this us to 76 and it was the highlight of her month - she was always in her element and enjoyed being the matriarch of our family.

Don't patronise me.

As I said in one of my earlier posts, there is an abundance of assumptions on this thread.
I will stick to assuming the best of people, you carry on assuming the worst.

Bloody hell. Mary Berry is 88 and travelling all over making TV cooking shows. Maggie Smith. Same age and still filming. Not everyone one in their eighties wants to step down. How fabulous that your granny was able to host Christmas Day until recently. And that she's able to hand over her oven gloves with grace. I imagine it's a worry if she's frailer than you've been used to. Just enjoy the day with her now.

Wishing Nan a long & happy retirement!
What a relief for her knowing she’ll never have to worry again if the turkey’s undercooked or the sprouts are hard.
She probably is a bit sad, but great that all she has to do is turn up. Please pamper her & no clearing up either.

🤣😂 well I must hey. Despite never meeting anyone exactly like me, that must be exactly what I assume 😄

Do people really “enjoy” cooking a roast for large numbers? Sorry I just don’t believe it. It’s a bloody pain and a right effort and getting the timing right at the last minute is a stress. Fuck doing that at 84 - no matter what bloody Maggie smith or Mary berry are doing 🙄.

Maybe it’s because some women of the older generation have being the hostess / cooking thing as a significant part of their identity which is quite sad thinking about it.

Not sue where you get rage from. I know you don't get tone through a message but rage, that's more than reaching and mmm making an assumption

I have to say as well, this reminds me of somebody I knew, her dm cooked every single year hosting her whole family.
There was one year when she had to cook it for her and her bf, it was just for the 2 of them and she couldn't cope. She bought it all preprepred from M&S and still complained it was too hard to do! She was well into her 30s, her sister was in her 40s with a husband & kids yet had never ever hosted. Apparently the dm "loved" doing it. When I spoke to her she said she'd had enough but none of them could cook, and all loved her dinner!! They were like a load of little kids.

Now is the perfect opportunity for you to say “thanks nan, we’ve always loved your Christmas dinners. You sit back and relax. We will cook this year but can you give us all your top tips ahead of Christmas Day?”

If you don’t ask now you’ll regret it in 15 years.

"Do people really“enjoy” cooking a roast for large numbers? Sorry I just don’t believe it. It’s a bloody pain and a right effort and getting the timing right at the last minute is a stress. Fuck doing that at 84 - no matter what bloody Maggie smith or Mary berry are doing 🙄."

@TheaBrandt my thoughts exactly. I think it's too easy of an excuse to make for certain people, who are too lazy/selfish to cook it themselves. My example above is evident of this. I'm sure there are certain exceptions to the rule, but a minority.

I've never cooked a Xmas dinner and I'm mid 60s. Fuck that.

My granny did xmas dinner (and a Sunday roast) for 8 people right up until she was 92! - though, me and my sister did most of the prep and the washing up.
She died 4 months after her 93rd birthday - the following Christmas and everyone since hasn't been the same. I understand why you feel sad ❤️

OP is not complaining. She has said that she is sad (not lost) because her nan is no longer up to cooking Christmas dinner. Like many others on this thread, you're making huge assumptions.

If my family forced me to stop cooking one of my favourite meals of the year three years from now, I'd be incandescent. Mid-60s is no age at all!

I only started doing Christmas when I was about 58 ... Don't think I get to retire from it for a decade or so at least

But why assume that’s what’s happening and be so horrible to the OP on the basis of that assumption?

Did you even think about the consequences of making these kinds of accusations when they aren’t true? Did you worry at all about how cruel it would be to denigrate someone so completely without knowing if there was any truth at all to your accusations?

Personally, I love it. I may be in the minority but I love cooking, I love hosting, I love my house being the centre of Christmas. It’s my favourite time of year.

If I’m lucky to be alive and well in my 80s I hope I’m still doing it then!

I'm surprised nobody insisted on taking over long before she reached the "I just can't do it anymore" stage to be fair.

She's done her time and then some with the festive hosting surely?